American Idol Recap

Top Six. Mothafuckahhhhh.

Andrea Bocelli is the guest host, dear lord, zzzzzzzZZZZZ.

Catherine is first. She’s singing a Whitney Houston song.

Ok people. She’s going to win it. She is. She’s the best. The judges slaughtered her. All of them. Mark my words though. She’s going to win. They’re all like, “you think you’re as good as Whitney Houston? You’re NOT.” Guess what people? Whitney Houston is a CRACK WHORE. Please. She sucks the glass pipe for breakfast lunch and dinner. She loves the crackedy crack crack. Whitney looks 100 years old and dead. Catherine has boobs like grapefruits and a smile like a toothpaste commercial.

Paula seems disappointingly sober.

I wish I could say the same for myself.

Elliott is next. No not my Beagle sillies! Elliott Yamin. The Gallivanting Monkey loves Elliott. I think he’s got a great voice but he lacks the panache and the sex appeal to win it. HOWEVER, I thought his performance last week was really, really good. Let’s see what he has for us tonight.

Hmmmm. He’s looking hotter lately. Looks great in that suit. Ok, I’d fuck him (if I wasn’t married! Hi Dup.)

OMG Paula is crying? She’s Crying? Ok she’s wasted. She is so fucked. She wants to Fuck him too. They love him. Simon says vocal master class. I think Catherine was better overall. I DO.

Kellie is up next. Let’s see what that little bimbo is going to give us tonight. Honestly, I love listening to hear Kelly sing. She has a very clear voice and it’s really nice to listen to. She has joyful quality to her voice, like Dolly Parton. You gotta love her because she is just so sweet but lord on a board is she really, really that dumb? I can’t figure it out. I think that partially yes, she is really, really dumb but also, it’s just part of her deal. I mean she has comic timing and you have to have some sense in your head to have that. So she’s dumb but she’s not THAT dumb. No one is that dumb. It’s impossible. She drives me crazy when she talks. God SHUT UP!! She’s hot though. Totally hot. I’d fuck her. She walks like she’s holding a marble between her thighs. OMG she’s sucking up the stage. Everyone is falling asleep. She hit’s the high note but overall the performance isn’t her best. Let’s see what the judges think. OH GOD Paula shut up. Her opinion is useless. Simon is right, he thought it was monotonous, bland.

Who is next? PAAAAARRRIIIIISSSSS My favorite. I love, love, love her. She has been my favorite from the beginning. She is no longer my favorite to win but she is forever my favorite. I think she is the most unique and the most talented. I love how she changes her outfits to some whacky new theme every week and she has this musical royalty in her blood.

This song is so fucking boring I want to shoot myself in the head. Is she 75 years old? Barbara Streisand? BABS? Oh God why Paris? I hope I can stay awake until the end. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Also, she’s dressed like a grandma. Paris! You’re still my favorite.

Shit I HAVE to go get my laundry before Taylor sings. Damn it’s raining. They close at 9! I have to go.

Luckily they have American Idol on in the laundry mat. I was sort of talking to the woman who runs the place while I was watching Taylor out of the corner or my eye but my general impression was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. It’s LOVE SONGS people not BORING SONGS.

The horrible news is that the woman who runs our laundry mat just told me their landlord is raising the rent and they are moving. Nooooo. Something you may not know about me is that I do a lot of laundry. I’m seriously over there like every other day and they are directly next door to us. It’s so convenient. It really makes life worth living. Plus they are so nice and they have become like family to us. What will we do? The good news is that after they move they will have drop off and pick up. That’s kind of awesome but I will not see them as much. Also, what about my delicates? I can't just have them pick that stuff up. I have to do it myself. They are not even considering my delicates in this decision.

Chris is everyone’s favorite to win. People love him. I like him but I wouldn’t fuck him. His arms are too much like Popeye. I don’t like his stiff arms. Ok, he was good. He’s definitely a contender. Whatever Chris. I hope he doesn't win.

I have no idea who is going to get voted off the show tomorrow night. It could be KELLIE. It really could be. It also could be Elliott even though the judges blew all that sunshine up his ass. Because the judges don’t vote.

America VOTES.

Fame: what is it good for?

It is raining, raining, raining today and it’s supposed to do the same tomorrow. I’m not letting is get me down though. It’s been so nice all week and I feel convinced that Spring is really here and I won’t be putting my puffy coat on again for a while.

Time is moving on. Baby Finn was born. Eve is having her twins next week. I woke up this morning with babies on the brain dudes. Probably mostly because I spent about an hour on the phone with my cousin last night talking about whether I should try and do a natural child birth or just fuck it and go for the epidural. It was a really funny conversation considering the fact that I AM NOT PREGNANT.

Right now Dup is at the library working on this paper he's writing and I'm still in my pajamas, drinking coffee, waiting for the parks dept. guy to call me. Ah, it seems like I'm always waiting for the Parks Department guy to call me. Today he's supposed to call about this huge message board I got from work and painted for the Dog Run. I need to know when and where to drop it off so that they can bolt it up on the fence. I just can’t wait until it’s up there so that I can communicate to the dog people in a more organized way!

This is the kind of fucking shit I’m getting excited about.

The owner of one of Eliott’s favorite playmates, Valencia, started this new tradition at the Dog Run in conjunction with the warm weather. The tradition is that we meet at the dog park after work on Friday nights and somebody brings a bottle of wine and some plastic cups and then we DRINK THE WINE. Isn’t that a great tradition?! She’s some kind of genius. So we did that last night and it was fun but beyond being fun, something truly remarkable happened...

I brought some flyers with me for the big fund raiser we are having on May 13^th. I’ve been doing that lately. I go to the run with flyers in my pocket and then while I’m there I approach people, ask them how often they use the run, introduce myself, tell them about our organization and of course, invite them to the party. It’s been working pretty well and people are very enthusiastic about it. I especially like to talk to people who are “regular dog run users”, those are the people who I see there all the time. They use the run every day and we need them on our team. So last night there was one of these “regular dog run users” at the run and I walked up to him, gave him a flyer and introduced myself.

La Ketch: Hey there, I know you use the run all the time because I always see you here but I’ve never introduced myself. My name is la Ketch. Here’s an invitation to our fundraiser May 13^th. I really hope you can come.

Dog run user: AAhhhhaaah! So yooouu’reee the FAMOUS la Ketch.

Now, the implication was fairly positive. I wasn’t like he was saying, “you’re that famous cunt faced bitch everyone complains about” but it also wasn’t like he was saying, “Charmed, an honor to meet you. Absolute honor.” It was somewhere in the middle. That's not even close to my point though. It doesn’t matter if he hated me or loved me it was that fantastic, fantastic adjective he used before my name that really got my ego in a jubilee.

I am famous in the Dog Run. That’s right. The people who go there know who I am. Do they like me? Do they fear me? Do they hate my guts? It doesn’t matter. What matters is they know my name.

I don’t know if any of my readers have ever experienced what I'm talking about, ever had a taste of sweet, sweet fame like I did last night but if you have then you know that it is a little taste of the devil’s gin and it only leaves one wanting more. This is how people decide to go into politics.

When he said it I just kind of laughed. I got his name (Sean). We hung out for a while and I got pretty buzzed, talked a bunch of people up about the plans for the run and just you know, life in general. I bummed a cigarette of this cool dude and it tasted good. After a while, Dup started getting bored and it was chilly and so we left to go home and see about dinner. On the walk home I started laughing out loud to myself like a crazy person. I couldn't stop laughing. I was elated.

Finally, Dup was like, “What? Is soo funny.”
And I was like, “He said I was faaymous.”
And Dup was like,

“Oh. My. God.”

FOUR TWENTY LITTLE FINN DUDE!

Slice of Cake pointed out the not only was yesterday the day of Finn's Birth but also National Pot Smoking Day. With a harshly timed smack to the face, the FDA has submitted a report saying that "no sound scientific studies" supported the medical use of marijuana, contradicting a 1999 review by a panel of highly regarded scientists. For the full NYT article go here: F.D.A. Dismisses Medical Benefit From Marijuana .

All I can say is, those dudes have obviously never smoked the shit...

Finn est ici!

Ok, he's here. Mother and baby are doing fine. I don't have many details and the Monkey herself should be the first to fill you all in. She did end up going to the hospital and at the very last minute they decided to do a C-Section. From what I've heard, the Galivanting Monkey was a star through and through. Hip hip hoorah! Hip hip hoorah! Finn is here! Finn is here! And what a punctual little fellow. April 20th is his due date after all... awww I just can't wait to meet him.

Mama Monkey

ummm... so the word on the street is that the galivanting monkey is in labor. The last I heard was her contractions were 1-3 min apart. This was at 9pm last night, east coast time. It is now 9am east coast time and we haven't heard anything. Are we anxious? YES. Are we worried, not really. Getting good feelings. Everything is okay, I'm sure of it. BUT, i'm also pretty sure that it wasn't easy and I'm deffinitely sure that I got a lot more sleep last night than the Galivanting Monkey. Oh Monkey. MONKEY!!! YOU CAN DO IT MAMA!! I think he's here. I think it's over and he's here and they're asleep and just forgot to call us. It's only 6am over there and they were up all night!!!

I'll keep you posted!

Monkey Sunday

I know that most of the people who read my blog read the Galivanting Monkey's Blog first but just in case you haven't heard, she's pregnant and she's about to give birth any moment. If you don't believe me go over there and read about it. You will probably never return because she has weeks worth of reading that is oh so worth reading. But wait! Before you go, please take a moment to pray with me. I know, I'm a devil worshiping heathen but it's EASTER, so put away your judgement caps and pray with me people.

Dear God type force in the Universe,

I know we're not the praying kind but if you're there and you can hear this, please take down the following requests in no particular order?

A. Please let baby Finn be born soon (preferably immediately), as he need not get any bigger.
B. Please let the circumstances be safe for a home birth, as that is where everyone would prefer it happen.
C. Please let it be, ok I'm not going to say something stupid like pain free but you know not really extra painfull. Not too long, ok?
D. Please let everyone be HEALTHY and ALERT and never in any life threatening situation.
E. Please let baby Finn be born soon.

Thanks God! Sorry to bother you on such a busy day! Congrats on on Jesus being raised from the dead and all. That's some crazy, crazy shit. Seems like, with those kinds of tricks up your sleeve the above request shouldn't be a problem.

Much love, and AHMEN! Shalom! Peace! Namestae!
La Ketch (replace La Ketch with your name here)

Thanks faithful readers. If I hear anything about Galivanting Monkey's labor situation, I'll let you know.

London EYE

For you viewing pleasure, some photos of my trip!

Rachel & La Ketch w/Big Ben in the background

La Ketch in front of the London Eye Ferris Wheel

Daffoldils!

Bus!

Rachel in front of the Brixton Market (dead chickens hanging upsidedown)

Row of colorful houses

Rachel with flowers

to see the Queen

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything substantial and for that I truly apologize. I did write a HUGE entry a coupla weeks ago but when I went back to read through it and edit it, it seemed really mean spirited and acerbic. Perhaps because I was rather drunk on tequila when I was writing it. Anyhooo…. I’ve been having this end of winter/March funk thing, along with this letting go of acting funk and this I want to get pregnant but I have to wait until my husband is finished with grad school thing but today I feel loads better and so, I will write.

My trip to London was INVIGORATING!! It really was. I was super excited to go and not just get out of New York but be someplace completely different. Not completely different but, you know, another country. Going to another country is a very good thing to do and London is a perfect place to visit for a short trip because it is enough like New York that you feel you can handle it; I didn’t feel small or lost or stupid for not speaking the language. Yet, I also felt like I was somewhere significantly different. Plus, they talk funny.

I loved being on the train and watching the families. There were two families I stared at and eaves droppped on in particular. They were so sweet to each other and they seemed to be on a family outing. They were so English looking and sounding; I was reminded of a Mike Leigh film. I loved hearing the children speak especially. Their accents are much more pronounced.

It was so great to see my friend Rachel who is just a really special person and a joy to be around. I thought that I was doing her this great service by gracing her with my presence because I was under the impression that no one has visited her and that she was lonely. It turns out that I’m like the third visitor she’s had in two weeks. Oh my gosh. We had a great time though and I was in such a good mood the whole time. We laughed a lot and we also had some really fucking intense conversations. Isn’t it a relief when you can talk to someone about something bad that has happened to you and you don’t feel like it’s making them uncomfortable? It’s rare and it's helpful.

Have you ever heard of Top Shop? It’s the clothing stor in London where Gwyneth gets her T-shirts. They open the place up for her after it’s closed just so she can shop for t-shirts. I knew she wouldn’t be there but I looked out for her anyway. Turns out she was in New York having a planned C-Section. I love Apple. I do. I knew a girl named Apple and I fucking love that name. Moses is weird. Top Shop however, is heaven on earth. It’s like a cross between H&M and Barney’s Co-Op. Let’s just say… I bought some cute, cute crap.

I got to London at 9:30am on Saturday. I took the red eye. I am a person that needs at least 8 hours of sleep. I have been known to sleep for 12 hours at a time. I can sleep. I’m a champion sleeper. I was worried that I might be really cranky on Saturday or that I would take a “nap” and wake up Monday morning and Rachel would say, “I didn’t want to wake you.” I was hoping I could get some sleep on the plane but I didn’t because I was in the center seat. I got there and I was sure I would collapse but I didn't! I hit the ground running. I was so excited to be there that I didn’t get tired and we walked and walked and walked all around. It was a cool feeling to be tired but push past it and find stores of energy somehow. It’s not something I ever even usually try to do.

We saw “My Name is Rachel Corrie” on Saturday night. As soon as the applause ended and the lights came up, I turned to Rachel (my friend not he character in the play) and said rather loudly, “Well that was a real upper!" Which is totally something my mom and my grammy would say. We both laughed but the people around us were annoyed with my comment because, you know, it's a very serious play.

I thought the play was really well done and I was very glad we saw it. The reviews I’ve read were pretty accurate in saying that it’s not really a play, more like a eulogy. Rachel Corrie's writing though, is so good, very compelling and it’s almost all her words, the script I mean. The story is chilling. CHILLING. I found myself removing myself from it emotionally because it is so horrible, what is going on in the Gaza Strip, what happened to her. I found myself saying, “This isn’t real. This is just a play.” Unfortunately, I was wrong about that. Afterwards, I made a similar realization. I didn’t feel like it was real because the actor playing her was so good, I thought she was Rachel Corrie and even though they said she died, she came out at the end and took a bow, very much alive. Therefore, she couldn’t actually be dead. I was wrong about that too.

What else? We had three really good meals, walked across bridges, hung out with Rachel's roommates, watched really funny TV, saw some amazing paintings. Then, I came home. I missed my little family so much that it felt like I had been gone for a long, long time.

Today it was 65 degrees and sunny and even though I’m at work, I’m just so happy to be alive.

Thank you.

OY!

NNNOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!

Mandisa, my love..... rest in peace.


THIS IS NOT THE LAST WE WILL SEE OF THE GREAT MANDISA!!!!

Bucky can fucking suck it. That little twerp. He has no voice. He is milk toast. Why God, WHY?!!!

I would have been more crushed if it has been Paris, who is truly my favorite (thank God it wasn't Paris) but this is Mandisa, who was one of my favorites to win! If this kind of bullshit continues to happen, I swear, I'm going to have to start voting.

MAAAAAANNNNNDDDDIIIIIIISSSSSAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

out like a lion...

Many things are happening and not happening and going through my mind but I just don’t care to speak of them. I always get depressed in March. Um, It’s April? Oh yeah, huh.... I’m not really depressed, depressed. I get out of bed. I laugh. I go to work. I’m just cold. I’m cold and I don’t want to live in New York anymore, I want to live in California and I want to have a baby. There I said it.

Right now I live for these little trips I’m taking (London on Friday yay!). I live for these little trips and for the dog run and for American Idol.

American Idol is on tonight, so my spirits are quite high for a person who still thinks it’s March.