to see the Queen

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything substantial and for that I truly apologize. I did write a HUGE entry a coupla weeks ago but when I went back to read through it and edit it, it seemed really mean spirited and acerbic. Perhaps because I was rather drunk on tequila when I was writing it. Anyhooo…. I’ve been having this end of winter/March funk thing, along with this letting go of acting funk and this I want to get pregnant but I have to wait until my husband is finished with grad school thing but today I feel loads better and so, I will write.

My trip to London was INVIGORATING!! It really was. I was super excited to go and not just get out of New York but be someplace completely different. Not completely different but, you know, another country. Going to another country is a very good thing to do and London is a perfect place to visit for a short trip because it is enough like New York that you feel you can handle it; I didn’t feel small or lost or stupid for not speaking the language. Yet, I also felt like I was somewhere significantly different. Plus, they talk funny.

I loved being on the train and watching the families. There were two families I stared at and eaves droppped on in particular. They were so sweet to each other and they seemed to be on a family outing. They were so English looking and sounding; I was reminded of a Mike Leigh film. I loved hearing the children speak especially. Their accents are much more pronounced.

It was so great to see my friend Rachel who is just a really special person and a joy to be around. I thought that I was doing her this great service by gracing her with my presence because I was under the impression that no one has visited her and that she was lonely. It turns out that I’m like the third visitor she’s had in two weeks. Oh my gosh. We had a great time though and I was in such a good mood the whole time. We laughed a lot and we also had some really fucking intense conversations. Isn’t it a relief when you can talk to someone about something bad that has happened to you and you don’t feel like it’s making them uncomfortable? It’s rare and it's helpful.

Have you ever heard of Top Shop? It’s the clothing stor in London where Gwyneth gets her T-shirts. They open the place up for her after it’s closed just so she can shop for t-shirts. I knew she wouldn’t be there but I looked out for her anyway. Turns out she was in New York having a planned C-Section. I love Apple. I do. I knew a girl named Apple and I fucking love that name. Moses is weird. Top Shop however, is heaven on earth. It’s like a cross between H&M and Barney’s Co-Op. Let’s just say… I bought some cute, cute crap.

I got to London at 9:30am on Saturday. I took the red eye. I am a person that needs at least 8 hours of sleep. I have been known to sleep for 12 hours at a time. I can sleep. I’m a champion sleeper. I was worried that I might be really cranky on Saturday or that I would take a “nap” and wake up Monday morning and Rachel would say, “I didn’t want to wake you.” I was hoping I could get some sleep on the plane but I didn’t because I was in the center seat. I got there and I was sure I would collapse but I didn't! I hit the ground running. I was so excited to be there that I didn’t get tired and we walked and walked and walked all around. It was a cool feeling to be tired but push past it and find stores of energy somehow. It’s not something I ever even usually try to do.

We saw “My Name is Rachel Corrie” on Saturday night. As soon as the applause ended and the lights came up, I turned to Rachel (my friend not he character in the play) and said rather loudly, “Well that was a real upper!" Which is totally something my mom and my grammy would say. We both laughed but the people around us were annoyed with my comment because, you know, it's a very serious play.

I thought the play was really well done and I was very glad we saw it. The reviews I’ve read were pretty accurate in saying that it’s not really a play, more like a eulogy. Rachel Corrie's writing though, is so good, very compelling and it’s almost all her words, the script I mean. The story is chilling. CHILLING. I found myself removing myself from it emotionally because it is so horrible, what is going on in the Gaza Strip, what happened to her. I found myself saying, “This isn’t real. This is just a play.” Unfortunately, I was wrong about that. Afterwards, I made a similar realization. I didn’t feel like it was real because the actor playing her was so good, I thought she was Rachel Corrie and even though they said she died, she came out at the end and took a bow, very much alive. Therefore, she couldn’t actually be dead. I was wrong about that too.

What else? We had three really good meals, walked across bridges, hung out with Rachel's roommates, watched really funny TV, saw some amazing paintings. Then, I came home. I missed my little family so much that it felt like I had been gone for a long, long time.

Today it was 65 degrees and sunny and even though I’m at work, I’m just so happy to be alive.

Thank you.