WTF!!!!!!!!

middleamericanhomophobicassholes!!!

I can not believe Adam didn't win.

It's such a fucking joke.

He will outsell Kris in the end though, for sure.

go Adam

My boss is out today for an event I helped organize in Chicago. It's starting now. Well supposed to start two minutes ago but I'm sure they haven't started yet. So I'm just sitting at my desk waiting for enough time to pass before I can go down and get some breakfast. Today I get a free breakfast. We get free lunch here every day, awesome money saving perk, but you can use your lunch money for breakfast if you want and when one of my colleagues who travels a lot is not in the office he lets me use his lunch money to buy breakfast. Today I'm getting a breakfast burrito and a banana. Delicious.

I just felt the baby move a little. He must have grown a millimeter in the last 3 days because I'm definitely feeling him more consistently. YAY YAY YAY. It's such a relief every time I feel him move. I still have to wait 12 more days before I get to see him again in person. I'm going in on June 1st for my 20 week anatomy scan. I'm definitely feeling more positive though and I even bought him a cute little poster to go in his room. It felt good to buy him something, like I was pulling him into this reality a little. Cute little guy.

Davey has started doing this funny thing where when he wants something he does his best to try and communicate what he wants with the words he has plus grunts and gestures and then once you guess the thing that he wants he tries to make is sound like it was your idea by saying, "K!" He's shortening "okay" and putting this inflection on it like, "what a great idea, I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself, let's do it right away!"

For instance last night he was sitting on my lap watching Toy Story and he started pointing to the kitchen longingly and saying, "ca ca. ca ca" and I said, "Oh, you want me to go get you a cookie?" and he said, "K!" Like its a done deal! It's a very tricky maneuver because it makes us laugh every time and then we usually do it. I for instance, got him the cookie but once he finished and asked for another one I didn't fall into his trap a second time. I was born on a Sunday but it wasn't last Sunday.

Dup has been working like a Dog. He watches Davey all day then I walk in the door at 3:30pm and he walks the dog and then shuts himself into our bedroom and starts making his calls. He stays there until 8:30pm and then he works on his University of Phoenix training until about midnight. Then he goes to bed and Davey wakes up at 5:30am and he does it all over again. This is a temporary situation mind you. The Phoenix training goes on for the rest of this week and next week and then he'll get a break. The first job is a telemarketing gig he got. It's not so bad because he can do it from home and he doesn't have to do cold calls. It's something the people have already signed up for. In addition to all of this on his 2 off days a week he has been rehearsing for a reading of one of his plays that is going up tonight. Dup is tired. I am proud of him though for working so hard! Thank you Daddy Dup for supporting your family. We'll be glad when we get to see more of him though. It was tough financially when he wasn't working but it was sure nice having him around.

The season finale of American Idol is tonight. It's got to be Adam! I watched last night and he was great. Chris is a cutie but Adam deserves to win it. He's a true drag queen superstar. No matter what he'll definitely have a career ahead of him. That is if he doesn't succumb to booze and drugs like so many before... sigh. God I want a drink.

Well I think the event has probably started now. So I'm going to go down and fetch my burrito.

nothing left at work but work

I can't IM at work; they block it. Which is probably best because it would be so hard for me to focus or get any work done, chatting away all day with TG and RW.
I can't Facebook at work, which is a blessing for obvious reasons.
I can't access my favorite gossip blog http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/ at work because it's on the pornography list
but at least they didn't flag my second favorite gossip blog http://www.socialitelife.celebuzz.com/
....
until TODAY.
ugh.
fucking bastards.

Push Car Update

Daddy Dup has painted the Pink push car Red. He caved!

This is a photo of the King looking distainfully at the Dup.

Honestly though, I have been with this man for nearly 10 years and not once has he ever taken on a home improvement project of any kind. Yet, when his son's masculinity is on the line, he rushes out to Home Depot, buys 2 cans of spray paint, pulls the thing apart with a screw driver and viola! It's red! It looks great, don't get me wrong but I'm just saying, you think you know someone...

I see more home improvement projects in the old Duper's future.

(Photo of baby in red push car to follow)

worry wart

We had a really nice Mother's Day wknd. On Saturday we drove out to Malibu and met Willis at what I think is one of the best fish and chips places I've ever eaten at. I love Fish and chips. So we went there and it was delicious and then we took Davey to Zuma beach and hung out there for about an hour. An hour was all we had time for and also any of us three adults had the energy for because Davey LOVES THE BEACH. He loves the ocean and he wants to kill himself by running directly into the waves with no fear whatsoever. I said to Willis and Dup, you know it really makes you realise that if we weren't around they would just kill themselves. Davey would not sit still and play with his sand toys like a little angel. He ran towards the water, he ran towards the volley ball games, he ran towards the birds. He was so happy. It was adorable and thank god for Dup and Willis because they chased him while I mostly sat fat and happy.

On the drive home, which was gridlock, Davey kept saying over and over again. "bye bye beach! bye bye beach!" It was pretty cute.

Davey has been obsessed with these plastic push cars that every one seems to have but us. I've been hesitant to get him one because they're like $50 and a lot of times with these things they like them for like a week and then it's like, "next." Plus I don't want to buy him everything he wants just because he wants it. The flip side is that he likes to ride in it and he hates riding in his stroller so I was thinking that if we got one of these we might be able to take some long walks again without Davey fussing 15 min into it. Eliott would appreciate this very much because his long walks have been few and far between lately. So instead of buying one, I put out a query on my mom's group list and I got a response back, "I have one you can have for free but it's pink." I was like, "sure!" So Dup went and picked up on Saturday and we presented it to Davey on Sunday morning and he climbed into it gleefully immediately. We took a long walk and every one was happy. Dup is slightly disturbed by the pinkness. It is confusing to people to see a little boy driving a pink car. People have an innate need to know if they are looking at a boy or a girl. It's weird but true. Dup placated himself by remembering that Elvis himself drove a pink Cadillac.

Dup had to work most of the Day yesterday so Davey and I just hung out, played with the car, he took a monster nap and then when he woke up we all went to the Soupplantation for dinner, my request. It was wonderful except that I woke up at 12am with a HORRIBLE stomach pain and couldn't sleep. I think it was from the clam chowder.

When my mom was pregnant with me she craved steamed clams and ate them by the bucket full but after I was born, steamed clams gave her a horrible stomach ache and still do to this day. I loved steamed clams and clam chowder and now it seems I may be fated to the same horrible stomach allergy. Very strange. We'll see but I'm not excited to test it out because the pain is so acute and horrible. Also, because I'm pregnant, I was super worried that it was something else, early labor a miscarriage; I didn't know. I sat awake worrying.

I had been feeling the baby move an teensy bit the week before, which is so wonderful and reassuring and what I've been waiting for. There's nothing that connects you more to your little fetus than feeling it move. It's like, "hi mama!" I love it. So that's been great but then last night I realised that I hadn't felt the baby move all weekend and I started to worry worry worry that something was going wrong. I considered waking Dup, calling the doctor, imagining us all in the ER in our pajamas. Then finally a little voice came into my head and said, "it was the clam chowder. It's just your stomach. You'll feel the baby move at work tomorrow." It's much easier to feel the baby move when I'm at my desk at work because I'm sitting still and quiet. I can notice the subtle nuances. So after I heard that message I was able to relax and fall asleep and my stomach felt better in the morning and yes, I've felt the baby move a few times already today, SWEET RELIEF.

I wonder when I will stop worrying about this baby, this pregnancy. I know I didn't worry about Davey like this. I just knew he would be ok. It's because of the miscarriage that I'm worrying but everything is going so well now. I wish I could just turn these negative thoughts off somehow. Stop living in fear and dread of something bad happening. This baby needs my positive vision, my positive thoughts. This baby needs me to see the entire trajectory of the pregnancy, the healthy birth, the big fat healthy baby in my arms, coming home from the hospital. I need to see that for myself too. It's so hard to discern the difference between instinct and paranoia. Am I getting the feeling that something is wrong because something is wrong and I'm sensing it or am I getting the feeling that something is wrong because I'm a fucking worry wart? I need to chill out and think some happy thoughts.

In awesome, amazing news it looks like Dup and I have settled on a name that we both really really love. I'm so excited about this name. I think the little baby sent it to us like a message in a bottle. This is what he wants his name to be.

Sorry, can't tell you.