not sleeping

I have a horrible cough. I never get insomnia but here I am typing a blog entry at 1:25am. As soon as I get sleepy enough to stop coughing and lay down I'm sure Jasper will wake up or Davey will, they are working together in a plot to destroy me.

I am very tired and I've gotten sick because of it but besides that things are going very well, not without major challenges but very well. Jasper is a doll and I'm more in love with him every day. He has hair color that I would kill to recreate in a salon. He smiles in his sleep. It's so so so nice to be home with my guys. The mornings are crazy, even with two of us. Getting out of the house is a gargantuan task involving 2 diaper bags fully stocked and apocalypse ready. Poor Eliott is getting even fewer long walks but the 3 times we've attempted to go out as a family have proven to be not fun for anyone involved. With the dog, we are out numbered...

Davey is doing well but he's been through it, is still... going through it. He started day care in September, has been fighting the same cough I have for 2 months, those little day care kiddos just keep giving it back to each other. The adjustment to day care has been tough. And then the little brother arrived to great fan fare and Davey was so excited... for about 3 days. Now he is still very sweet with Jasper. I do think that they are kindred spirits destined for friendship. It's just that Davey can't see that the baby will eventually get bigger and be able to DO things, like play with him for instance. Right now all the baby is doing is sucking on mommy's boobies and laying in mommy's lap and demanding a lot of mommy's attention and that is very upsetting to Davey. Poor dearheart. He sits on the couch by himself, waiting for me to finish feeding Jasper, "mommy holdyou" he says all the time which means that he wants me to hold him. He says "holdyou" because I say, "do you want me to hold you?" So he just calls being held, "holdyou." He is a sweet boy and my heart is breaking that he feels rejected by me. It is the worst feeling. BUT he will survive. In the end it's all good for him but for now it's a lot.

Dup and I are doing good. We had a rocky start with a lot of fighting in the first week of Jasper's arrival. We were a little cocky going into it I think, been there, done that and we didn't check in before hand on some major issues, which caused both of us to go to the most familiar bad places in our relationship. This mainly consists of me going into action/attack mode and him going into checking out/going inward mode. Some good talks helped pull us through it. Dup is being awesome and he's working really hard, waking up at 5am with Davey, making meals, cleaning the kitchen, walking the dog, packing diaper bags, playing with Davey, distracting Davey, rocking Jasper, getting us through the day. Then when we all go to bed at 7:30pm, he goes up stairs and does his online teaching gig. I am very grateful to him.

The holidays are around the corner and I go back to work the first week in December. My mom is coming this weekend and then Dup's dad is coming the next weekend and then the next weekend is Thanksgiving and then I have one more weekend and then.... work. That's where the real challenge will present itself. It will present itself to all of us but mostly to Dup. God please be with my husband. The phrase, "how are you going to do this by yourself?" is bandied about several times a day.

Ok, back to bed to cough and keep Dup up and wake up the baby. I'm so worried about Jasper getting sick but they say that the breast milk should protect him since it's not passing along the virus but it does pass along the antibodies to protect him against it. So in a way, it's almost good that I got sick so that I could provide protection for Jasper against the crap that Davey is bringing home from Daycare. I should probably breast feed Dup so that he doesn't get it. I'm sure he wouldn't object. The girls have never looked better and I'm sorry to say that they never will again. Breast augmentation costs like 6-7 thousand I think? We could redo our kitchen with that kind of dough. I mean, it's just never going to happen.

I'll leave you with that. More later hopefully. There's so much to write about. I'm just so tired... xo!