Hogging the bed - final summary

To summarise:

Then - We used to have to bounce him on the yoga ball or nurse him to get him to sleep. He would get up 3-8 times a night. I had him in bed with me a lot. I had the co-sleeper attached to the bed.

Now - After two months of focusing on "sleep training" he is sleeping in his own crib which is located in his own corner of the room sectioned off so that he can't see us in the bed. He can fall asleep on his own. He usually only wakes up once a night, sleeping for 5-7 hour stretches at a time.

It's a whole new world.

I am happier, he is happier, Dup is happier. It's ongoing. It doesn't end I think. It will go in phases. I'm not sitting here thinking he's never going to get in bed with us again or anything. When he was sick, that was a huge set back. Sometimes I just feel like he needs me, he's wide awake. So, I get up and help him get back to sleep.

Again, the Tracy Hogg book, aka "The Baby Whisperer" was a huge help to us. I do think there is a middle ground between Ferber and Sears and she is probably it but we still did our own version of it.

I do think that it is important to be consistent. I don't think you can be like, "oh tonight I feel like snuggling, let's let him sleep with us." and then tomorrow, "Oh let's put him in the crib he's too wiggly." He needs to know where his bed and be comfortable in it by himself for sure but the whole, "give 'em an inch they'll take a mile" idea about babies, I don't buy it. I don't think you HAVE to do the same thing every single time. I think it's important to listen to their cues and it's important to follow your instincts and not book is going to tell you how to handle every wake up.

I have also come to be ok with letting him cry. If you feel that all of their needs are met and they are still crying, let them cry. Crying is not the worst thing in the world. It's a form of expression. It's a release. If they are safe and dry and fed and sound and simply need to get to sleep, they can cry. Our general rule has become 20 minutes. If he cries for longer than that or if he's crying especially hard for longer than 10 minutes, we'll get him. There must be something going on. He usually cries a little when we lay him down but mostly it's just fussing and grunting. A few wonderful miracle times though I've put him down in his crib at bed time and he's all smiles and I say, "good night sweet heart" and walk out of his sight and I just hear him in the gurgling and cooing and then..... he's asleep. Wow, when that happens you just feel like running in there and waking him up, "GOOD JOB SWEETHEART!" But don't do that. That would be ridiculous. I should also admit that sometimes he falls asleep when I'm nursing him and I just let him fall asleep and put him down asleep. He's asleep, that's the goal. I'm not waking him up so that I can lay him down to go to sleep again.

I can't emphasise enough how important routine was and still is to this whole process. It makes a lot of sense to me why it would be. They can't talk. They understand a lot of what you're saying but the words aren't clear yet. They don't really know what time it is, time of day I mean. So you have to imagine that these little clues you give them are very helpful. Like, "oh ok mommy is home and we're having dinner at the table." and then, "Oh I recognise this, I'm having a bath." and, "Oh yeah this seems to happen after the bath, this music comes on and mommy reads me a book." and finally, "Oh ok, I get it. It's bed time. I'm going to go to sleep now because that's what I always do after the book."

So that's it. It's not over but it's OH SO MUCH BETTER. I have a chair next to his crib now and when I do get up in the middle of the night with him I sit in the chair with him and nurse him for just a bit, just enough to fill his tummy and help him go back to sleep. Then I lay him down and go back to sleep myself. Before he got sick this last time, after our trip to Florida, he had made it all the way through the night (8pm - 5:30am or so) about 2 times, then the cold set us way back. So now that he's feeling what seems like back to 100% again, I think I'm going to start asking him to cry it out a little instead of getting up with him and see if we can't get back to that spot. It's so much easier now that I know he can do it.

Nap times aren't totally consistent yet but they are definitely longer. He usually takes a good morning nap but a crappy afternoon one or vise versa but there's yet to be a day where we've gotten him to take a good morning and afternoon nap. Every day is a little different.

The end.

(No, not really the end but I'm so sick of talking about it that it's the end for this blog - thanks for listening if anyone is still there.)

me me me me me me me

The Gallivanting monkey has tagged me for a meme. I always like to read these but I never do them because.... well frankly because they're dumb but maybe I've only ever thought they were dumb because no one ever tagged me? Sour grapes meme? Well for whatever reason this one struck me. As I was reading the Gallivanting monkey's responses I heard my own responses responding in my head. I keep wanting to finish telling you about sleep training but I'm sick of talking about it.

So, here it goes....

I can't believe I've never....

seen "Jules and Jim." I've also never seen "Raging Bull" or "Good fellas" but it's "Jules and Jim" that really astounds me because it's Dup's favorite movie or at least in his top ten. The reason I haven't seen it is because he forbids me to watch it on DVD. I have to see it on the big screen but lately I find myself wondering if this is realistic. Maybe I should just sneak out and rent it when I know he won't be home. Still, if I do wait and there is some magical time when they're playing it in repertory and we can somehow go to the movies then I imagine it will be very special to see it. So I'm torn but I'm beginning to feel like every day that I live on this planet without having seen this movie is a day wasted. Perhaps I should lower my expectations. Likewise, Dup has never seen, "City of Lost Children" which is in my top three. There's no way I'm letting him see that for the first time on DVD esp since it's always in repertory somewhere and it's so visual.

Every time I think about .... I still cringe.

Oh my fucking God there are too many. How long do you have? I talk a lot people. A lot. When you talk a lot you have so many cringe worth moments you could spend all day talking about them. Although many of mine do have to do with boys and quite a few have to do with farting in public, I will spare you the smattering of these and share some from work. I have so many cringe worthy moments at work for instance: I was talking to my colleague about Easter. She's Jewish. Now you have to understand that at this job we all sit in one big room and everyone can hear everything you say, especially if you talk loud like me. People pretend not to hear but they hear alright. So I'm talking to my Jewish colleague about Easter and I'm just ranting. She asked me if Good Friday was a holiday for our office and I'm like, "oh yeah it is and I'll take it but god Easter is a fucked holiday. It really annoys me. I like all the stuff about the bunny and the eggs because it's fun and about spring and rebirth and fertility and why won't the stupid Christians own up to that? They always want to talk about the 'true meaning of Easter' while their kids are chomping down on chocolate eggs. Then they tell the story of Jesus getting nailed to the cross. The true story is that the eggs and the bunnies, that's some sort of Pagan tradition, before Christ that is talking about fertility and Spring. They could tie the Jesus thing into that of course because he rose from the dead and all but no, they have to talk about him getting nailed to the cross. It's too much for kids to comprehend and it's ridiculous. I'm never going to church on Easter again. God I hate Christianity."

Her response? Silent nodding, back to work. Everyone heard me of course. Then it hits me that there are like 3 practicing Catholics in the room and they are all super sweet, nice people. I had some really good points in my rant I think but the problem is that I'm ranting at work where people have no choice but to listen and it's not really appropriate to respond. Plus I should be working not sharing my religious beliefs (or lack of them) with everyone, pontificating, listening to the sound of my own brilliant voice. So ever since this happened I've been replaying it in my head over and over and saying a silent prayer to the nice people who's God I offended. Let's see how long ago did this happen? I think it was last Friday. When was last Friday? Oh yeah, that was yesterday. This happened yesterday. I cringe a lot people.

At the job before this one I sent out a company wide memo e-mail telling everyone that if they didn't participate in "Secret Santa" then they must need psychotherapy because "Secret Santa" is fun. I got called into the HR Director's office for that one.

At the job before that I gave a Hanukkah Card to a man who isn't Jewish just because his last name is "Fisher" and that sounded Jewish to me.

These are just the religious themed/work themed cringe worthy moments I'm listing off here.

Yes, it's true. I cringe a lot. I also congratulate myself a lot though for saying funny things at work and getting laughs. Whenever this happens I like to tell people about it. My mom has admitted to doing this too and my Grammy does it too. We like to pretend we're telling a story like, "oh funny thing happened at work today." But then come to find out the story is really just a vehicle for us recanting something really funny we said that got a big laugh. It always ends with, "and everyone was dying laughing." Dup has caught on to this. He enjoys these stories but he will call me out on it now, "so this is really just a story about how you said something funny." um, yes.

I wish I'd.... when I had the chance.

Well I wish I had been able to go to Grad School for Acting at NYU but I didn't have the chance. I auditioned and didn't get in, twice. So I don't think this counts. I tried pretty hard but it wasn't meant to be and I've accepted that. I think I've done a pretty good job of going after what I've wanted and I haven't left any real glaring opportunities pass me by. So there's not a lot of regret there. So what it has to be is, this is going to get a little sad and it's pretty deeply personal but I've talked about it before on this blog and the people very close to me probably already know. I do really think that most things happen for a reason but the night my dad died he called our house and talked to me, about 2 hours before he actually died, and he asked me if I wanted him to come home and I said "no". I like to think that on some deep level that he and I were having a subconscious conversation and that he was asking me if it was ok to leave and I was telling him that it was ok but really if there is one moment in my life that I would take back it is this one. I would ask him to come home. I know this would change the course my life took completely. Would I have met Dup? Would we have Davey? I don't know. I would like to think that maybe I would meet Dup another way. My mom and dad talked about moving to Seattle. Maybe we would move there when he was alive and I would still meet Dup. Luckily this is totally hypothetical. All I know is that I would ask him to come home.

I've never felt so out of place as when I...

Moved from Southern California to "the Claw" Washington my freshman year of High School. Read "The Acid Queen Stories" for more detail on this one. No reason to repeat myself here.

...is my guiltiest pleasure.

smoking a cigarette. i could also say snorting cocaine but I'm never doing that again. i can't say the same for smokes. unfortunately.

I hope..... knows how grateful i am for....

...my mom... giving me life, not checking out when my dad died, not killing me when i was a teenager.

...Dup.... marrying my crazy ass, knocking me up, telling me i look hot.

In my darkest hours I secretly blame.... for my dysfunction.

my mom, not quite a secret but in my brightest hours i proudly credit her for my functionality so it works out.

...changed my life forever.

Acting in my first play... Yes, that is it i think. No other experience has done more to shape my personality or set of the trajectory of my life more. Oh god, well having Davey of course. I think that was too obvious for me to come up with first.

Ok. I did it! Now I tag someone? Well there are lots of people who I would like to tag but who would actually do it? Dup, Bladio (that's a double tag darlin), Certainlia, Eve, & Kerouac Says. DO IT! It's fun.

Thanks G monkey! Sometimes it's just nice to be asked...