la Ketch

my life story

Friday, February 08, 2008

stand to the right


A little break from the sleep training report to bring you one of my biggest pet peeves of all time, right behind people who block the subway doors and refuse to move to the center of the train. Yes that's right, it's people who stand on the left hand side of the escalator.

Am I wrong when I say that EVERYONE ON THIS GOD GIVEN EARTH KNOWS THAT IF YOU ARE CHOOSING TO STAND ON THE ESCALATOR THEN YOU SHOULD STAND TO THE RIGHT SO THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO WALK UP THE ESCALATOR CAN DO SO ON THE LEFT?

Is there anyone out there who doesn't know this? If there is who are you? Are you new to this planet? Certainly you must be at least new to the city.

If someone does it because they don't know any better then of course I forgive them. Often you can tell it's someone who just doesn't know or maybe it's a mom and her small child, forgiven. Maybe it's a dad and his small child, forgiven. Maybe it's someone on crutches, forgiven. Maybe it's an insane homeless person, forgiven. Maybe it's a tourist, forgiven but educated by pushing them to the side lightly and saying in a nice voice, "please stand to the right."

I take the 7 train into Grand Central every morning. The people who take this train at the same time I do every morning are all going to work. They are all New Yorkers. They all better know that you stand to the motherfuckingright but sometimes one of them doesn't and usually when one of them doesn't the rest of the people stop behind that person and a line forms so that no one is walking up the left and then the people on the left stir and steam and suck their teeth in anger but they don't say anything. Sometimes if I'm really late and in a punchy mood and this is happening I like to scream up the escalator, "Good Morning New Yorkers! Please stand to the right and walk on the left!" That usually does the trick. People start moving on the left like so many cattle. They hate me, yes they hate me but secretly I think they love me.

There are people who are New Yorkers who don't believe in the rule. They blatantly defy it. People push past them and bump them and they shake their heads and suck their teeth and say things like, "EXCUSE ME, uh huh huh." It is my job to tell them about the rule. When I tell them about the rule they argue with me. They claim to never have heard of it. "The escalator is not for walking. If you want to walk take the stairs." I actually had a woman tell me this. "Then why are so many people doing it? Why are so many people standing on the right and walking on the left?" I'll tell you why. They're doing it because it MAKES SENSE BITCH!

This is a public service announcement: Please stand to the right. Please don't block the door. Please use all available doors. Please move to the center of the train. Please let the passengers off before you try and get on. Please be mindful of the city around you. Please don't piss me off and make me yell at you. Please do what makes sense. In a city with too many people we really need to try to make it work. Please try to make it work.

Thank you.

2 Comments:

At 12:27 AM, Blogger Certainlia said...

Oh my god, you really say that? I think you are the bravest person I have ever met. If I were one of those seething people and you did that I would instantly want to be your friend. One day I am going to be as brave as you and I am going to sock it to the people! (For me it's the not moving to the center of the train. What is WRONG with people? Don't they see all that empty space and don't they know that they could make everything so much more pleasant by just MOVING!!?)

You rock.

 
At 1:24 AM, Blogger Cara said...

In London, as you ride down the l-o-n-g escalators, there are signs all over the place saying "STAND TO THE RIGHT." And 99.9% of the people do it. It is such a beautiful sight.

 

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