la Ketch

my life story

Friday, February 01, 2008

Hogging the Bed II (The third night)*

*For the first and second nights read the previous entry below.

Now, I know what all of you are thinking out there, “How did la Ketch do getting Davey to sleep last night?” Well, I’m going to tell ya….

Overall it continued to go well. I’m still really encouraged and excited. I definitely see how it’s working and it’s good for him and us and we are going forward with it. We did have a bit of a hard time last night, which I will explain.

First of all, putting him down initially went really well. It took about 40 minutes, which is only a 5 minute improvement from the previous night but it was way, way easier. Just less crying and more independent time for him working it out. He did cry but I barely had to pick him up at all. We did his regular night time routine after dinner, bath, diaper, pajamas. I nursed him and he started to go to sleep so I woke him up by walking him around and burping him. Then I nursed him on the other side and he started to fall asleep again so I woke him up again to burp him and then let him eat even a little more. I wanted to be good and sure that his belly was nice and full. Then, before he drifted off again I went into the bedroom and lay him in his crib.

I think I should explain our sleeping situation. Davey is in a co-sleeper next to our bed. Our apartment is small and there is no baby room, just a large room with our bed and his crib. The co-sleeper has 3 sides. The open side goes flush up against our bed on my side of the bed. So it’s like he has his own little side car. Some might argue that this being there next to him is going to make this whole thing take way longer since he can see me right there but it’s really neither here nor there. This is the arrangement we have and we need to make it work. So, he’s learning to sleep on his own in his crib next to our bed. I think that in a few days I’m going to try and put the side up on the crib so that it has four sides and push it away from the bed so that there is some separation. I think this would be good to do before he can crawl and before he can pull himself up to stand in the crib. Also, I think it will help with my urge to pull him into bed with me and my urge to nurse him in bed like we’ve been doing.

I’m starting to think this whole thing is going to take at least 2-3 weeks to fully settle. I was really optimistic yesterday and was sort of getting cocky like I really thought that since he had only woken up one time the night before that he would not wake up at all the next night. Then last night he woke up twice. So the first time he woke up about 12:30am and a few things happened to make the whole thing go wrong. In the thick of it I really started to doubt the whole thing for the first time. I was like, “oh this isn’t working after all.” But this morning, looking back I can see what happened to make it not work and I can see that progress is indeed being made.

So just to finish how it went getting him to sleep initially at 8:00pm, as I mentioned it was easier than the two previous nights. He still cried and fussed but he never got extremely upset. It was the same dance though. I was hoping he would need less time but there was a five minute improvement, so I took that as success. When he woke up at 12:30am I was a bit disappointed because he had slept for a much long period the night before and I thought, “well that’s just how it’s going to be now.” I think the fact that he cried much harder and longer the night before may have attributed to the longer sleep though, he was just more tired because of it. So I took him into bed with me and nursed him a little. As soon as he took his mouth off the first time I replaced it with the pacifier and put him back in his crib. He started crying at first but then started to drift. I was thinking, “oh yes, it’s working.” Then Dup got up to pee…

Just as Davey was about to jump on the sleep boat, Dup FLUSHED. Davey’s eyes popped open. I thought I would kill Dup. Davey’s eyes did go back shut but I could tell he wasn’t as asleep as he needed to be yet. Dup got back to bed and I screamed at him in a whisper in the way only a mothering wife can do, “WHEN YOU PEE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT YOU NEED TO SHUT THE DOOR SO THAT YOU DON’T WAKE HIM UP WHILE HE’S TRYING TO GET BACK TO SLEEEEEEP!” This is all whispered.

I thought he was back to sleep or maybe I was just wishing he was and now I needed to pee so I got up, shut the bathroom door of course and went to the bathroom. Then I heard him wake up and start crying. UGH. I had lost the loving feeling. Up until this point I had been as patient as Job through the whole thing, which is completely shocking considering that I am an extremely impatient person in general. I think what has helped me maintain patience is having faith that it works. That sleep comes and eventually he will get on the boat. That’s what’s so great about Tracy Hogg’s tone in the book. You can tell that when she does this with babies she never loses faith for a second. She has this calm soothing attitude that is saying, “go ahead my dear and take your time. I have all night.” And that is the trick. You have to be prepared to take as long as it takes and have faith that sleep will come. That energy and attitude helps the baby and you.

So I lost the faith and the patience and at one point I picked Davey up and we bonked heads. I got so frustrated and a wave of RAGE went through me and I screamed at Dup, “I NEED HELP.” Dup got up but was still totally asleep and I was placing him in a very difficult situation, handing him a very distraught baby. At first Dup tried to soothe him and I laid on Dup’s side of the bed with my back to them. Then Davey really started to lose it, so I turned to look. I should have left the room and slept on the couch but I didn’t. Davey saw me and started reaching for me. Dup started saying, “I don’t know what to do!!” I got really mean and said, “Just figure it out like I have been doing.” Dup said, “You’re shutting us out. You’re shutting me out and you’re shutting him out.” So I said, “Fine, if you can’t do it, if you give up, then I’ll do it.” So I took Davey back. Then I said, “Get out of my way.” Dup went back to his side of the bed. Davey had quietly watched the argument. We weren’t screaming but it was mean and tense. I laid Davey back down, took a deep breath and tried to wash all the negative energy away. He started crying so I gave him the paci, lay him on his side and then I did that thing where I pretty much lay over him, pressing my face against his and I just kiss his face and send him as much love as I can, trying to sooth him without lifting him up, nursing him or bouncing him. It worked. He calmed down and fell asleep in about 2 minutes. Dup and I went to sleep angry.

Davey woke up again at 3:20am. I brought him into bed with me and nursed him. This time I let him nurse a little longer because I was so scared from the previous experience. Still, before he drifted off I gave him the pacifier and put him in his crib. This time he went back to sleep almost immediately. Thank God.

So that was night 3. He woke up for the day at 5:30am on the dot, same time he woke up the day before. That’s a total of 9 ½ hours sleep. The goal is at least 10 hours, so we’re getting close! Dup and I discussed what happened as soon as we were up. It was a good talk and we were friendly again immediately. I spoke to him this morning and he had a HUGE success getting Davey down for his first morning nap. We spoke over Instant Messenger. Here’s the conversation:

me: well?
Deron: he went down at 7:47
me: and what time did you start? how did it go, that's way better right?
Deron: it's way quicker. we went into the bedroom shortly after you left
like minutes and I read him the two books then I put him in the crib
me: aww that's so nice scoob.
Deron: he fussed well first he played a little then he kicked into high gear
working the pacifier taking it in and out of his mouth rolling over at one point he had his arm through the slot in the crib
me: yeah he did that last night
Deron: and then I laid him on his back and gave him the pacifier
and it took
me: good job scoob. good job D!
Deron: I was still holding his arms down lightly for a few minutes
and then he went down so it's still like we have to hold him down and put the pacifier in his mouth (two props)
me: yeah but no ball
Deron: but
me: so one less prop
Deron: right no ball
me: one step at a time
Deron: so that has to be progress right and just the fact that it was so much quicker this morning I’m going to take that as encouragement
me: omg totally. I was thinking this morning too. even though he woke up twice last night I’m still taking it as progress it's not a step back
Deron: yeah I went over the book this morning and one thing I do like about what she says is that she gives you numbers about how long stuff takes
like the couple in the accidental parenting chapter it takes them FIFTEEN days just to get that kid to hang out in the crib
me: yes. I think we should expect this process to take 2-3 weeks
Deron: and later when she's talking about how she got him to stop taking the breast
she says I laid him down the first time 41 times the next time 21 times and then 3 times
to give you the idea that you just have to stick with it
me: yes. have faith that it will work. that's what I was saying this morning that attitude she has is so calm like, "I have all night. do this as many times as you want. I’ll be right here"
Deron: right. now my question is if you're following the idea of hers where you're setting behavior in the beginning of what you want to do in the future
at what point do we have to look at moving him out of our room?
me: well I’ve thought a lot about that (of course) and I don't think it's going to happen
Deron: I mean in some ways it seems okay if he's sleeping through the night, right?
if he's not getting up to feed then he's in his crib the whole night
so then it's an easier transition to his bedroom? maybe. I guess I’m trying to force myself to think into the future which isn't my natural impulse especially for things like this.
me: yes. I think it's fine. it's just the way it is. we live in a small apt. I think that as long as he's getting enough sleep and we're getting enough sleep we're doing great we'll just have to see how it goes, one step at a time.
Deron: I was just trying to think ahead since we didn't know too last time
I’m reading your blog now about your desire to punch me in the face
me: I told you about that!
me: I’m working on another blog post.
Deron: ha ha that was a good one scoob
me: I’m going to write a book
Deron: I’m going to frame it and give it to d at his college graduation
me: called, "the baby screamer"


At 2:33 PM, Blogger Certainlia said...

Both this post and the one before got my all choked up...I'm not sure why. I think it's because there's something so beautiful about the development of a human...especially since we could all, as adults, learn to treat ourselves and our struggles with the kind of compassion and patience and acceptance that you're using with Davey. Beautiful.


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