aquacise!

This is an entry that the Gallivanting Monkey will appreciate the most out of everyone. I joined the YMCA last weekend. Not only did I join but I joined with the express intention of using the pool and mainly so that I could take the water aerobics classes.

Water aerobics is a great way to exercise if you are older, have an injury, are pregnant or if you just like low impact exercise. Plus, you’re in the water, which is nice and I love water.

The first and only other time I have gone to Water Aerobics was with the Gallivanting Monkey when Dup and I lived with her in Seattle for two months while we were doing Dup’s play “21 Shots”. During this time, the Gallivanting Monkey had joined the YMCA and she was really into water aerobics. She LOVED IT. So of course I went with her to a class.

Whoa Nellie. People I don’t know if you have ever been to a water aerobics class at the YMCA before but I am here to tell you that it is like stepping into another dimension. It’s full of the nicest, sweetest, very special people you have ever met in your life. When the Monkey and I went there was an especially special person in our class that was so very (unintentionally) funny that I had to put my head under the water so that no one would see me crying I was laughing so hard. Yes, I am a very mean person.

The moves that you do in water aerobics are very, very simple but in this class the instructor would break the move into 3 variations: level one, level two and level three (one being lowest impact and three being highest). This woman decided that she was a level two and she would scream up at the teacher to clarify the level two version every time we would get a new move. Again you guys, the moves are very, very simple, like “kick your leg to the side!” or “now do scissor legs!” This woman would be like, “EXCUSE ME! Can you show level two scissor legs again!!!!” She’s screaming this as we’re all flailing around in the pool wearing swim caps with these floatie dumb bells to keep us up. The moves may be simple but there is no real way to do them gracefully in the water like that. Everyone pretty much looks like an equal dork. Anyway, every time she asked for level two clarification, I would burst out laughing. She had a really loud, funny voice.

This all happened about what Monkey 5 years ago? Jesus time flies. Time flies alright but not in Water Aerobics at the YMCA. Water Aerobics at the YMCA is where time stands still because I went to my next class five years later last night and I am here to tell you that it was EXACTLY the same. The teacher was the same, the students were the same. It was so hilarious and wonderful all at once. The only main difference is that because I was in Green point Brooklyn and not Downtown Seattle, all of the older women were Polish and most of them didn’t speak English so they couldn’t understand what the teacher was saying half the time and they were always going the wrong direction and running into each other, which of course made it ten times funnier. There was one Polish lady that spoke English and would yell at the non-English speakers to go the other way. That made me laugh too.

The other difference between this class and the last time was that this time, I was the token pregnant lady. When I came in the instructor yelled out to the whole class in a very thick Long Island accent, “I WANT TO DRAW EVERYONE’S ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A PREGNANT WOMAN IN OUR CLASS TONIGHT! PLEASE WATCH YOUR KICKS! DO NOT KICK HER IN THE STOMACH!” This got me laughing right from the get go and I couldn’t stop pretty much through the whole class.

To make it worse, there was like the hottest little 18 year old lifeguard presiding over the whole thing. He looked like a model, black with cute little dread locks and a totally cut chest, wearing little red shorts, sitting up in his chair. He looked like he couldn’t believe what he was watching, all of these fat, old, retarded, pregnant, injured white people flopping around in the pool below him. I was like, “now why do you have to be here watching all of this???” I said that to myself but then I remembered that next to him, I was pretty much the hottest thing in the room. I was reminded of something my friend Alissa told me once about her experience living in Baltimore. She was like, “if you want to feel pretty, move to Baltimore.” Well, if you want to feel pretty, take a water aerobics class.

I don’t want you to think that I didn’t like the class. I’m going back folks, as soon as possible. I LOVED the class. It felt so good to be in the water and get the weight off my joints. It’s only an hour long. It’s totally hilarious and guess what? You really get a good work out. I got my heart rate going and some good stretches in and best of all my joints got to move all around. It’s great for me right now and I felt great afterwards and slept very soundly.

Conclusion: water aerobics rulz. The YMCA rulz. Yay for the YMCA! And for being special…