And now I'm really pregnant
There's a point in Anne Lamont's book "Operating Instructions" where she rolls over in bed one night and realises that her stomach is just so huge and she thinks to herself, "wow, i am really pregnant."
well folks, I am really pregnant.
Huge Belly - check
Waddle when I walk - check
Huge swollen feet and ankles - check
Hemorrhoids - check
yep I am really really pregnant.
People no longer say things like, "aawwww...." when they see me coming towards them.
Now they say, "WHOOAAHHHhhhh!"
They also say, "When do you pop?"
or
"Are you going to have that baby right now?"
or
"Any minute huh?"
or
"Are you sure it's not twins?"
i should post a photo. ok i will!!
I'll post a photo of my ankles. So f'ing gross people...
this kid better be cute.
no, no even if he's not. it's totally worth it.
posted by la Ketch @ 11:15 AM
4 Comments:
Here's something fun to say to those people who say "Any minute, huh?":
Fuck off and leave me alone!
It's so odd and Children of Men-esque when suddenly a pregnant woman becomes community property. I don't get it. Strangers touch you and everything.
Or so I'm told. I just watch in horror when it happens. I say go ahead and snap off their pointing fingers. No jury in the land would convict you, plus what a great story for the baby book. "Here's where Mommy ripped the fingers from prying strangers!"
Post a photo! Post a photo!
You could also play the funny joke of pretending to those people that you had no idea you actually WERE pregnant until they pointed it out. Something along the lines of "What are you talking abou--(look down at belly)--WOAH! OH MY GOD. JESUS GOD!" and you could just kind of clutch yourself and look at them all scared and then run away. Or waddle away. As it were. I bet they'd never do THAT again.
i really want to see your ankles.
-louella.
Photophotophotophoto.
I must call you. A month away-ish! Oh, mama. I love you. I'm so excited for you. You're going to be so great.
Photophotophotophoto.
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