Hands-Free
This is a real thing that exists in the world. You can buy it HERE right now. I just can not believe it. I apologise in advance to any breast pumping moms out there who use this device and love it. I don't mean to make fun of you but ok, yes I'm about to really make fun of you. I just have a few questions. First of all, what the fuck? Second of all... ok there are too many questions. Let's just take a moment to analyse this a la Callaghan:
#1: Her hair.
#2: Where is she exactly? She looks like she is posing at the Sears Portrait Studio. She doesn't work there because she's on her cell. So, maybe her kids are there getting their photos taken and she's getting some work done while that's going on?
#3: Can the person on the other end of the line hear the pump?
#4: Obviously this is a posed shot and she is a "model" for the product. So how much money are they paying her to take this photo wherein not only is she put in this totally humiliating outfit but her stomach roll is hanging over her skirt? Now, I'm all for real body images being portrayed in advertising and if i were sitting upright in a skirt my stomach would roll over like that too (especially after having a kid, hence the breast pumping) but you would have to pay me A LOT of money to take my photo like this. Like a million dollars.
#5: This whole idea really sums up the back lash of women trying to do everything doesn't it? I mean I'm going back to work after I have my baby and I've already bought an electric breast pump and I've already arranged an empty office with blinds where I can go to pump and not be disturbed a few times a day. So I'm for women pumping in the work place people. But when you are feeding your baby you are feeding your baby. From what I understand you need to really concentrate to get the milk to flow when they aren't around too because just being close to your baby and hearing them cry makes the milk come and if they aren't there it can be difficult to produce enough. They even have a little place on the carrying case where you can put a photo of your baby to inspire you. So it just seems like calling someone and taking out your day planner might not help this situation. Again, I've never tried it. My cousin and I were dying laughing over the notion that you might even try and use this device while sitting at your desk in the office in full view of everyone and be all women's lib about it, "THIS IS MY RIGHT! I'M FEEDING MY BABY!" While the pump is making it's little noise and you're typing away at the computer, answering the phone. It would be a great "Kids in the Hall" sketch.
#6: Do you think these things are flying off the shelves? I'm thinking about wiping everything off of my registry and putting just this one single item on there, just to see if anyone buys it for me and who that person would be...
posted by la Ketch @ 10:01 AM
6 Comments:
Uh, that person would be me, babe.
You lsugh now, but pumping gets unbelievably boring after a while. Now, I, of course, wasn't pumping at the workplace. I was pumping at home because the breastfeeding wasn't working out in those first couple of months. So, that was like seven weeks of some round-the-clock pumping. Every three hours. With that little string thing I could read a book or surf the web or have a beverage while I did these things.
That thing saved my ASS.
I grant you that photo, though. Dude.
You laugh. Laugh.
That's the word.
omg i knew it. i knew that someone would be like, "this is the greatest thing ever" and i also knew that i was speaking from a place of no actual experience. it really is the photo that's making me bonkers. i mean, it looks medieval. and it's the fact that she is in a business suit that really makes it ridiculous. i can totally imagine where pumping is going to be absolutely boring and certainly very tedious, so it makes sense that you'd want to have your hands to read or drink some water or you know, deliver a power point presentation. See, i'm doing it again. it's not the image of you sitting at home reading a magazine while you pump that is funny to me. it's the image of this business woman pumping while trying to do her job that is making me laugh. i know you aren't offended monkey but I'M SORRY! i'm sorry i made fun of you but really i wasn't making fun of you. i love you and i know you would never wear your hair like that!
Um...that's my new haircut, Hilary.
And that's my new suit that I wear to my new job. I do that job partially topless for my BABY.
(Don't be sorry, silly!)
classic, la ketch.
I wonder if the datebook comes included...
I am also HIGHLY OFFENDED. I usually pump in my business suit, on the phone, JUST LIKE THAT. Except I am wearing more hairspray, bigger shoulder pads, and also sitting on the toilet, flying a kite, and interviewing new babysitters, because I am a multitasker. That woman is clearly lazy. :)
Seriously though, I also have a double pump, but I still have to use my hands to hold them on. So, sadly, I cannot pump, juggle and macrame at the same time. Damn. Where does one FIND nipple hooks these days? Tits R Us? I'm so behind the times...
That picture is still funny.
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