Whatchu talkin about DREAM?

Eve asked me if I'd had any crazy baby dreams yet. When she asked me that, I hadn't really. Then last night, I was delivered a doozie. I should be in bed right now dreaming some more but I have to get this out before the details fade.

Ok, so in my dream I'm preparing to give birth but in my dream world the act of giving birth involves a very extravagant sort of ancient ritual, ceremony thing. It's like a wedding in that you invite everyone but it happens out in the forest on an altar. So my mom and I are running all around Manhattan with this list of things that we'll need to get for the birth. At one point we're at Duane Reade getting poster board and markers because my sister is making posters for people in the audience to hold up when the baby is born. One of her signs is a big picture of a black tunnel and at the end of the tunnel are all of these people cheering. It's from the baby's perspective I guess. Oh my God this dream kills me.

The one thing on the list we keep forgetting to get is the car seat because you have to have the car seat or they won't let you bring the baby home from the forest ritual. That's a law now I think. Things keep happening in the dream and then I'll look down at the list and be like, "AH, CAR SEAT! We have got to get to Babies R Us NOW."

So we finally get to the forest and everyone is there. I mean EVERYONE. I have pulled people out of my subconscious from the 3rd grade. Also, Gary Coleman is there. Because, you know, what weird ass dream is complete without Gary Coleman making an appearance? Seriously though, Gary Coleman was there.

I'm walking around talking to everyone and showing them the altar. There's huge Altar at the top of the hill and everyone is standing at the bottom of the hill in a horseshoe looking up at it. The stone is cut into a sort of contraption that the woman (me) is supposed to straddle laying down and there is a hole cut out of the center of that so that you can see straight up into her vagina and watch the baby come, I don't know, flying out down the hill? Maybe whoever catches it has a baby next? I didn't go that far with my dream logic. I was more worried about the fact that here we were at the big day (my due date) everyone was there and I wasn't in labor. I was having no pains at all. I started realizing that it might not even happen on this day and people had come out for nothing. I started explaining this to everyone really apologetically, "it might not even happen today is the thing and if it does, it could take over 12 hours for the baby to actually come out. You would be here for a long time." People didn't seem concerned about this. Finally everyone realized that it wasn't happening and we started getting every one's phone numbers so that we could call them when the labor started and they could come back.

Then I woke up.