This week in hate.

Oh God, I hate bush. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

Don’t get me wrong, I always have hated him but today, in the past few days, the hate has hit a new boiling point. It’s seeped in deep. I can feel it at my core and it’s getting emotional. A couple of things have happened this week to cause this.

First of all, this is pretty far removed but one of my best friends, someone I’ve known for a long time is dating an editor for the Washington Post. She’s very close with him and cares about him a lot and now, well this reporter who was kidnapped in Iraq last week, Jill Carroll he knows her. She used to work for him as a reporter for the Post. Now, she is working for the Christian Science Monitor or she was, before she was kidnapped. Still, he feels a strong sense of responsibility toward her because he was her editor. My friend told me the story of Jill last Sunday, before it had broke in the news and for some reason it cut me open like nothing else.

She told me how Jill's interpreter was shot and how her driver was pulled from the car and how her kidnapper got into the driver's seat and sped off with her. As she told me the story, I felt like I could see what happened, not from the outside but from Jill's eyes. I felt really strongly the extreme terror and fear that she must have been feeling, continues to feel. I just kept saying, “She’s alone with them. It’s just her. She’s alone now.”

It’s truly horrifying people, truly. I know that this kind of stuff has been going on. For years, this has been playing in our consciousness. Daniel Pearl was beheaded on National Television for fuck’s sake. Please God. Please God, do not let that happen to her. Please God, just save this girl.

Even though I’ve been told about what’s going on in Iraq, I think knowing her, even by two degrees of separation, makes it more real for me, much, much more real than ever before. I find myself feeling so exhausted from it now, enough already, ENOUGH!! How can my mind possibly even begin to grasp a milimeter of what the Iraqi people must feel? How can a person be capable of that kind of compassion? It is disabling.

I work near Grand Central Station and across from the Roosevelt Hotel where the President sometimes stays when he is in town. I don’t know if he is in town this week but someone with a lot of power is because they have two square streets blocked off around the hotel and the Station and on Tuesday, when I was running an errand, I witnessed the gnarliest motorcade I’ve ever seen. There were ambulances and cop cars, motorcycles, all of it. Then I saw three sort of weird Lincoln Limousines with the windows tinted and then, two big armored black SUV’s with swat team like guys, all in black, with huge, huge machine guns. It was gross.

The weather in New York has been so whacky lately and Tuesday was horrible. It was like 59 degrees and pouring rain with wicked wind in the morning and then by 4pm the clouds went away and the temperature dropped to 39. As I saw the limos go by and drive up to the side entrance of the Hotel, I had this sick fantasy play out in my mind where I watched myself running up along side the cars, pounding my fists on the windows and screaming like a banshee at George W. Bush. “NO GLOBAL WARMING HUH MOTHERFUCKER? NO GLOBAL WARMING HUH? IT WAS 60 DEGREES OUT TEN MINUTES AGO AND NOW IT’S SNOWING YOU DUMB BASTARD. YOU WANT TO DRILL IN THE ARTIC YOU FUCKING DUMB BASTARD?!! IF JILL CARROLL DIES I HOLD YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE. IF JILL CARROL DIES I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!”

Now, how I am going to hunt down the President of the United States and kill him while he sleeps remains unknown but when you really hate someone that is what you have to tell them you are going to do. Otherwise, they won’t take you seriously and I am serious.

Please pray for Jill. Let's send her some vibes. So she knows she's not alone.