Mantras for 2010

Work Hard. Love. Appreciate. Enjoy. (in no particular order) I don't want to get fat. I don't want to get sick. (for when I'm about to eat something bad for me) If my children are healthy, I am the richest person in the world. (for when i'm feeling poor) I want for nothing. I want for nothing. I want for nothing... (over and over again for when I forget that I already have every thing I could ever need and start obsessing about something that I want really badly) No Drama. No Drama. No Drama (over and over when I find myself playing out some horrible scene in my mind and want to stop it.)

Hopefully these will help me be a more productive, happier, thinner, more appreciative person with less anxiety. I just have to remember to say them and then believe them when I say them. I do think they are true! I do. It's hard though. You all know that it's hard.

We spent New Years Weekend shut in. Dup has a flu virus. Davey had a cough/fever/ear ache. Eliott must be carried up and down stairs but is doing much better. Jasper is golden. I am resisting but feeling a little congested. I'm hoping it doesn't get much more difficult than this. I just have a lot of anxiety and I'm sort of freaking out. Most of the anxiety comes from fear of Jasper getting sick. It was exactly this time last year that Davey was hospitalized and it was so scary, so horrible, I just can't go back to that place ever again. I just pray and pray and pray that his little angels keep him safe because he is living in a sick house, a germ factory.

The diet is going so so. Since Dup has been sick it has put it on hold. I'm doing pretty well to eat healthy though, especially at work, definitely no sweets. Dup will probably lose some weight because he's eaten nothing but chicken noodle soup and soda crackers for 4 days. Poor Dup. I've been so unsympathetic to him during his illness. He's finally starting to feel better this morning, thank god. I'm just so stressed out and him being sick has pushed me over the edge. I completely lost it on him in the bathroom yesterday morning because he forgot to turn on the humidifier. I was screaming so loud that I'm sure I woke up some neighbors. Ugh.

We're under a lot of pressure right now and it's so easy to look at each other and blame each other for how tired we are, exasperated. I'm hoping we will look back on this time and say, "wow that was the hardest time." I think we will. It's hard enough with an infant, a toddler and a dog, working full time but when your husband is sick and you are dragging and your toddler is sick and the dog can't walk, well it just makes it undealable. i can't deal. TOO MUCH. I think it's getting better. It is. It's getting better...

2010? I believe in you.