rebooting my mental computer

A month! I try not to go a month but I know you understand. Here is a free write on my current state and a photo of Jasper at 5 weeks. He's going to his 2 month appt. tomorrow. 2 months already, yes. Time does pass.

Throw up, throw up, throw up. projectile vomiting. davey sick. omg is it h1n1 stay home from work first day back but he's ok. dup sick too but he's ok jasper ok thank god pray for jasper not to get sick. i have a sinus infection. no sleep. if not one then the other. jasper a doll. wake up only 1x 2 nights in a row. work weird to be back but like i never left. every one nice. peer review positive hopefully will get full bonus even though not here last 2 months. temp left me a ton of fucking work to do but i should thank her because my boss hated her and tells me 10x a day she is so glad i am back. phew. davey getting a diego trike for x-mas from grammy and dino toys from grandpa and we're doing his stocking. deron working hard. lots of plagiarizing. it makes him mad. he does have some good students though. holiday party at work on thursday. thank god i can drink and thank god i have to leave early so i won't get drunk. thank god for coffee. drinking lots of caffine to stay awake. i always get sick when not enough sleep. this is only temporary. jasper is already in his own room. it's good for my sleep but sometimes i worry and want him to sleep by me because he's a sweet baby. davey loves jasper and is more interested now that he is smiling and coos. jasper lights up like a firefly when davey talks to him. i do think they will be good friends. all in all we are happy but we are exhausted. all i can think about sometimes is painting the walls in our condo but when to do it? no time. no time to paint. i want to scrub the grout on the tile in the bathrooms with bleach and a tooth brush. every time i look at it i want to do it but no time for that. going today after work to get davey and deron h1n1 vaccinations at a walk in clinic. pediatrician and reg doc don't have it. i was vaccinated by my mom at her medical office because i'm a breastfeeding mom. jasper too young to vaccinate. i was hedging on getting it but after davey got sick this last time it scared me. jasper could die if he got it. so we're high risk. i don't think every one should get it but we should. so that's my night tonight. i have about 2 tons of expense reports to file before the end of the week. it's so boring i could shoot myself.

but i won't.