la Ketch

my life story

Thursday, April 16, 2009

How are you feeling?

This is the question you get asked a lot when you are pregnant. Also, "when are you due?' and "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?' Usually the person asking you doesn't really care and they've already asked you these same series of questions about 10 times and you've told them the answers already: Tired, October 17th, I'll find out in 2 weeks.

It's not a big deal. It's just small talk and you know it's nice to get extra attention and acknowledgement in any form, so I'll take it.

I'm already showing quite a bit. I look now at 3 1/2 months about the same as what I looked like at 5 months with Davey. They say it's very common to start showing early when it's not your first baby. Your body is just like, "Ok, got it!" Also the lack of sit ups in the interim didn't help. I had a stranger in line at Starbucks acknowledge that I was pregnant so I think it's pretty obvious but still when I tell people at work they act surprised, which is interesting since I've been wearing full on maternity wear for the last 2 weeks. I don't know if they are just acting or if they really are surprised.

I am still very tired. I think I started to feel better with Davey at around 14 weeks so hopefully I'll start getting some energy back soon. I'm just really hitting this wall where I'm so tired of feeling tired and the fatigue is turning into a sort of cranky depression. It's hard to remember that it's temporary and for the best cause in the world but I'm trying to remind myself. When we were trying to get pregnant I would just pray and pray. Please just let me be pregnant. That's all I want. If I can have this baby, I'll be truly happy. And so now I'm having the baby and I best be happy! I am. I really am.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday, April 28th to do some blood work and also to see if maybe we can see if it's a boy or a girl. Dup and Davey are going to come with me which is exciting because so far they haven't come to any of my appointments. With Davey, Dup came to every single one of my Doctor appointments. The poor little tiny baby is already getting the second kid treatment!

I'm super excited to find out the sex of the baby. Probably more so than I was last time. Mainly because of the name. The name is really up in the air this time. I'm not going to be able to share with you my picks because we are going to keep the name a secret until the baby is born. I know that's tricky and cruel to you, my audience but the thing is that people have such strong opinions about names and they have no problem sharing them with you and if you don't like my names then I really don't care to hear about it. So I'd rather just wait until it's too late and there's nothing you can say. That's the kid's name ok? LOVE IT! I'm not really talking to You when I say this. I'm talking to some other insensitive clod. Don't worry, not you.

So Dup won't even tell me his names. He knows how hot headed and judgemental I am and that I'll shoot his names down in 2 seconds like Jesse James at High Noon. And he's right. I will. I know I will but STILL. Does he have to be so cruel? I keep trying to get his names out of him but to no avail. He's told me that when we find out the sex of the baby he's going to write his names for that sex down on a piece of paper and put that paper in an envelope and give it to me. Then I can look at it but I'm not allowed to discuss it with him for one week.

It's a great idea but it will never work.

The other thing about knowing the sex is that I can start decorating the room. This baby has it's own room! It's so exciting! Davey had a corner. He has a room now but when we were in Brooklyn and I was pregnant, people would come over and be like, "where does the baby go?" Not the case this time around. This baby has the corner office! Fun.

I'm definitely starting to feel much less nervous about losing the baby or something bad happening to the baby but I'm still nervous. Luckily my mom is letting me borrow a professional doppler that she had an extra of in her office. She's a nurse practitioner. If you don't know, a doppler is a device that is sort of like a small ultrasound microphone that you stick up to your belly to hear the baby's heartbeat. So now, I can listen for the baby's heartbeat when I want to. It took me a while to get up the courage to use it because I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hear it. But now I've done it a few times and I can hear it! Cha pow, cha pow, cha pow. The doppler is cool because you get more of the sense that the sound is coming from your belly. When you see an ultra sound it's hard to connect it to what is inside you. It's more like, "the baby is in the screen." I think that once I start to feel the baby move, I will feel really really relieved and very very happy. When you can feel them move, it's just so amazing and wonderful. I just love it and it makes it so much more real. I can't wait.

I'll keep you posted!


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