hungry hippos

Today is my last day at work before I go on maternity leave. Praise the lord. Praise be!

This has been a really hard couple of weeks for me. I'm just feeling super emotional and tired and my feet are swollen and I really don't want to leave the house. I feel like I can kind of understand what an agoraphobe must feel like. Why leave? I have everything I need right here. I don't want to talk to anyone, esp. the people at work and I really, really don't want to go into the chaos of the city. I imagine that after today I just won't go into the city at all - except to give birth that is.

Speaking of birth, giving birth is imminent. There is no turning back from whence we came. It's on the immediate horizon. Could be anywhere from now to three weeks from now. So close and yet...

Like most large events in my life that I have spent a lot of time imagining (big trips, my wedding) the event has now become a blank to me. I think that's a good sign and means that it's going to be soon. When I've thought about it in the past, I had so many things I imagined and now when I try to imagine it there's nothing, a bag of air, a cloud. What will it be?

In not so happy news, Dup's mom is sick. She's being diagnosed with cancer (again) and has been in the hospital for a few weeks now. They've been trying to figure out just what exactly is happening with her and it's still not completely clear if she has Pancreatic Cancer or if this is cancer that spread from when she had ovarian cancer. Either way, she's going to need surgery and then most likely Chemo. She's been through the ringer and is very weak, so they're sending her to a rehabilitation center for about 4 weeks before they do the surgery. Then of course she'll have to recover from that and then of course, chemo. So please say a little prayer for the Duper's mommy because she's going to be in the hospital for a long time and being in the hospital sucks. Dup was down there last week. I couldn't go because of the baby. It's been super tough on Dup. So say a little prayer for him too! The timing is horrible but I ask you, when is it ever a good time to get cancer? We'll get through it.

Luckily, Eliott the beagle is oblivious to all of the hub ub. He lives in his beagle world. Actually, He has been recently traumatised by thunderstorms and fireworks - so pray for him too while you're at it. I know he'll be fine when the baby comes, after a brutal adjustment period i'm sure but one thing happened that really hit it home for me. We got this adorable little mobile to put over the crib. It has little plush circus animals that hang down from ribbons. So cute! I took it out and set it up and Eliott started going nutso. Of course these little plush circus animals look EXACTLY like his little plush dog toys. His squirrel, his hedgehog, etc. These little animals are what we give him when he chews things he shouldn't, "No, Eliott, that's not your toy - this plush little animal is your toy." So now he's like, "What the fuck? Why aren't those my toys?" Poor E.

I really have only have half a day left. Then . . .

Well, then we play the waiting game.

And as the great Homer Simpson once said, "The waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!"