The Ketchum Bos Annual Letter

"Well it's been another crazy year at the Ketchum-Bos household! Here are some of the highlights:

Deron's Gonorrhea is back, yeow!! Poor dear. Guess who's getting antibiotics in his stocking again? Other than that, he's been only mildly depressed. He's broken down crying only one time after I've yelled at him. That's record for sure! We're considering divorce but we're going to pretend that everything is fine until after the holidays are over for the sake of the children. I'm sure I'll forget this strategy after two drinks and tell everyone the truth about everything ( WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTIMATE IN 7 MONTHS) but you can't blame us for trying, LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Davey is as whiny and demanding as ever. We think he might like killing animals for sport! I think that's the sign of a genius or something else, I can't remember. I forgot him at the shopping mall a few months ago. He had quite a scare but the workers there fed him and kept him company until I came back to get him the next day. Before he left he cried and hugged them saying, "please don't make me go with her!!" What a little joker.

Jasper was testing way above normal for the milestone chart until I realized I was reading the damn chart upside down. As soon as I turned it over I spilled red wine on it and now I can't read it at all. He's eating paste a lot. I think that's normal! I'm teaching him how to make screwdrivers (the drink not the tool), so I'd say he's fairly advanced.

Eliott the Beagle is having quite the year. I keep letting him out and he keeps coming back. He's determined as hell to remain a contributing member of the family, which is more than I can say for myself. Luckily, my workman's comp checks started coming in after my "fall" at work a few weeks ago. If I can keep the vicdin (spelling?)refills going Deron and I might stay married after all. If you know a "good doctor", please give me a call!! Ha ha!! (I'm serious about that actually)

I guess that's it. Looking forward to a fantastic New Year and wishing you and your family the best. I'm enclosing a photo of the whole family... the only reason my smile is so fake is because I used to date the photographer and he gave us a free sitting because he owes me a bunch of money and right before he took the photo he called me a slut.

Merry Christmas!!!
The Ketchum-Bos Family"