under the sun
Who cares who cares who cares. I’ve been working on this story I wanted to post but now I hate it. It’s so intrinsically me. It’s so familiar, so much like stories I’ve told in the past, experiences I’ve had. Plech, plech, Blech. Boring, Boring and Boringer. I hate myself and I want to die. No! I most certainly don’t. I just love saying that. It's so dramatic. It really gets people's attention. I’ve never been the suicidal type. Even when it was at its worst, I never considered it. I guess it’s never been bad enough for me. I'm very lucky to have avoided that kind of pain so far. I love my life but I’m self absorbed and self critical and all I want to do is complain. It’s impossible to complain with any aplomb because I have too much. I am too blessed. What’s the difference between pushing yourself and destroying yourself? It’s a fine line. It’s all about fine lines isn’t it? Every question worth asking has to do with some sort of delicate balance or another. The eastern philosophers say, “STOP BEING SO DIACHOTOMOUS!” It’s not one thing or the other it’s both things but my mind won’t think that way. Nothing is definite. It’s all grey matter. The lines are squiggly. It’s a rat’s nest out there. RATS! There I go again. It’s fall. I love the weather but I hate impending winter. And how can I not buy new boots, wool jacket & cashmere blend sweater? If I get a J Crew card (again), I can get 10% off my entire purchase. But if I love my husband, I will save. I will save. We’re going on a cruise in January. Did I tell you? Oh yes. 3 days to the Bahamas with Dup’s parents. They love a cruise. A cruise ship to me seems like hell on a boat but in this circumstance, I’m into it. I’m excited even. It seems like the most perfect environment to visit with them. Also, it’s in the Bahamas. Nothing wrong with that.
It’s all the same stuff. My thoughts my writing. The same loop over and over again. I guess it’s just my life happening.
Nothing wrong with that either.
posted by la Ketch @ 4:27 PM
4 Comments:
Dude, post the story that you hate. Just post it anyway. You're the only person who hates it. We read your blog because we love your blog. If that story is intrinsically you, familiar that way, then bring it because that's the whole thing that we're doing here.
Cruuuuuuuuuuuuuise! I have a total yen to go on a cruise. I want to eat five meals a day and sit around and look at water. (I do that every day anyway, except the water is in a bottle.)
Now play that loop again, angsty poster. Your stories are great.
xoxoxo
i second that
oh you guys are awesome and i thank you. i think i needed to do this little rant to break out of a rut. i will do a different version of the story i think maybe in a post tonight or tomorrow. thanks again for the encouragement. a little goes so far. it's funny.
I like your drawing. It is very descriptive of how I often feel. A rats nest, if you will.
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