la Ketch

Sometimes things work

2011-12-02T11:09:00.008-05:00

As I was doing the dishes last night, I had this thought and I thought that I better post about this thought before it flits away: Sometimes things work.

I know it sounds obvious but I think most of the time we talk to each other about how things aren't working, our troubles are more interesting than our prevailing virtues, this is not news but it is important to remember. I've talked a lot on this blog about how things haven't worked out, the car breaking down the dishwasher breaking.

I wanted every one to know that we've had a lot of troubles with our dishwasher lately which has involved me taking the thing apart piece by piece and cleaning it out over and over again because it's all full of gunk from the stupid phosphate free soap I've been using. It turns out that saving the environment destroys your dishwasher. Huh. So it hasn't been draining properly and I've been "this close" to calling the repair guy but then the day before yesterday all of a sudden, it's draining. So that's working.

And we've had all sorts of problems with our CRV. The engine light came on (again) after we've spent a ton of cash fixing the things needed to fix it but then we got the oil changed and it went off.

Oh and also Eliott started limping a few weeks ago and I was sure it was his back again but it seems he just stepped on something because he was fine 24 hours later.

So that's three things that have worked, three examples but if I were to start listing all of the things that work, that are working in my life right now, the list would be very long and probably boring but long. Things are working all of the time.

A lot of times what I do when I see the inkling of something going wrong is that I jump to the worst possible conclusion and start preparing myself for battle. I think that I'm good at going into battle, facing the worst and that sometimes that part of me gets bored and feels underused and wants to spring into action. "HERE WE GO! HOW ARE WE GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS ONE?" When in some instances I should just maybe, wait and see? Hmmmm....

I'm talking about the little things that can chip away at you here. When you are living your life in such a way, as most of us are, that a few hundred or thousand dollars can really put you in a tailspin financially, it's easy to feel like life is coming at you. For every step forward, there's always something unexpected that seems to put you right back where you were.

Sometimes things work and I'm grateful when they do. I wish I could notice it as much as I do when they don't work. I guess we all wish we could.

One funny thing I wanted to share that Jasper is doing, he's so cute right now it's unreal. Deron and I decided that his cuteness is peaking. He's just talking so much now but he's still so cute and chubby and all toddler. They are otherworldly cute at this age. It's like living with an elf. Ok so the thing he does right now is he won't say his own name for some reason. He knows how to say it. He'll pretty much take a stab at any word you throw at him these days. It might not sound exactly like the word you've asked him to repeat but he's "saying" it. So recently I've started asking him what his name is and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Jasper what's your name?
Jasper: Spiderman
Me: You're Spiderman?
Jasper: Noooooo
Me: What's your name?
Jasper: Me!
Me: Yes you are me but what is your name? Is your name Jasper?
Jasper: Yes.
Me: Can you say "Jasper?"
Jasper: Don't want to.
Me: (pointing to Davey) Who is that?
Jasper: Davey
Me: What's my name?
Jasper: Mamma!
Me: What's your name?
Jasper: Me
Me: Can you say, "Jasper?"
Jasper: Not now. Don't want to.

And He Turned Two!

2011-11-15T15:14:00.004-05:00

My little Jasper turned two. Oh gosh he makes my heart hurt to look at him I love him so much. He's just so little and cute and talking, talking, talking a bunch. He likes to wear his Peter Pan costume every day and to bed. He wears the belt and the hat and the boots to bed. When he wakes up in the morning he calls for me and I go in to him and he says, "my hat!" And he grabs his hat and puts it back on. "Are you ready now?" I say and he says, "Yeah, ready mom." He likes to watch Peter Pan the movie every day. Davey used to do this too. He used to wear the costume, he used to watch the movie. I have seen this movie so many times now... all I can say is thank god it's a good movie. The part that does bother me is the horribly racist "Red Man" song about the origin of Native American stereo types. If I were a better person I would find a way to remove that scene before letting them watch it. I am a lazy person.

Deron got a new job. He's working at the Apple store. He has been wanting to work there for some time. He fought hard to get this job and we are all extremely proud of him. It's thrown us into quite the routine. He's working when I'm not working and vice versa. He worked 7 days in a row last week. He's tired. I'm tired. BUT it's a very good thing. We hope that this could be a career path for him. Right now he's just learning the ropes, keeping his head down, doing the work, showing up on time. Hopefully in the next couple of years he'll start to see a pathway up from the retail floor. We'll see! He really likes the store and the people and the work itself. Yay!

Davey broke his collar bone. He fell off a swing at the play ground in front of his school. He's wearing a little sling for 2 weeks before he is free to play again. He just has one more day of wearing it now. Apparently this is a very common injury for preschool aged children. Poor Davey. He has been very brave. He's tired of the sling though. I took it off of him the other night before bed and he stretched out his arm and said, 'ahhhhh FREEDOM!"

It's hard to believe that 2011 is coming to a close and that in a few months I will be going down to the elementary school to enroll Davey in kindergarten. He's doing great at his new pre-school, which is Spanish Immersion. He loves his maestras and his amigos and it's just the most wonderful little jewel of a program, regardless of Spanish element. We're hoping we can get him into one of the Spanish tracks in Culver City. It's a lottery system so we'll have to wait and see. Cross your fingers for us.

Morning and Afternoon Prayers

2011-09-26T14:27:00.006-04:00

I am calling on my higher self
to awaken my intuition
and illuminate the path in front of me
my life's work and purpose

With gratitude, I thank you
my spirit guides
my higher self
my loved ones gone before me
thank you, thank you, thank you

Dear God keep my family safe
my children safe
Dear God keep me safe
so that I may care for my family
my children

As you can see

2011-09-22T12:42:00.004-04:00

From the photo that I posted below, Deron and I both got really drunk at Willis and Lia's wedding. I've posted a photo from the beginning of the evening above.

I started that post I guess the last week in August and wasn't able to finish it. So I just posted it now, whatever.

Davey is doing great in school. He really loves it. Man we lucked out finding this school! We have our friend Lolly Ward to thank for it. She's one of those moms who researches every school option known to man and we rode right on her coat tails, never would have even known about it unless she had found it first. Thanks Lolly. The teachers are just so great. That perfect balance between nurture and discipline and it's just so small and cute and the other kids are great. Davey really loves it. His new thing is that he wants to do home work. At the orientation they told us that they would be assigning homework, nothing too hard just like, "draw a circle on a piece of paper." To get them in the habit of doing homework and having to listen to instruction and follow through. They haven't assigned any yet though and Davey is dying to do some home work so the night before last I was like, "Ok, you want homework? I'll give you homework." And I created a little mock assignment for him where he had to trace his name. Then last night he was sat on the couch next to me with a big fake *SIGH* and said, "I got a lotta homework tonight." So I gave him a new assignment tracing shapes and then he wanted more so I gave him the scissors and asked him to cut the shapes out. He cut the paper to smithereens and then said, "I'm done! Can I play Dragonslayer?" It's like he's already a teenager.

Jasper is on fire these days. He's turning two in three weeks and he's very terrible and very adorable all at the same time. He is trying so hard to talk and gets very, very frustrated when he can't be understood. He also wants to do absolutely everything himself and gets very very frustrated if you do something for him. This could be putting the lid on top of his juice or putting his shoe on or pulling his pants up or picking something up off the floor. If you do something like this for him, he screams. He screams and he cries and he throws himself down on the floor and he says, "ME!" When I talk to Davey about doing anything, getting a snack, going outside, going to the dentist, to school, to the potty, Jasper overhears and says, "AND ME!" He wants to do everything that Davey does and more. He wants Davey's clothes, to sit in Davey's chair, to drink Davey's drink, to eat Davey's food. I'm very hyper aware of Jasper's individuality because my sister grew up in my shadow and I don't want Jasper to get lost the way she sometimes did. I also have to just accept that this is a part of it and try not to over compensate. I think I'm definitely easier on Jasper than I was on Davey. With Davey I was more strict and always worried about boundaries and was he sharing and was he understanding that my word was final. With Jasper I do a lot more chalking it up to his age, "he's two." What are you going to do? He's two. He's really starting to talk a lot too. God I love the talking. Such a relief.

Deron has a second interview for a job today. I don't want to say much about it for fear of jinxing it but please say a prayer for him. It would be very good.

I bombed my Groundlings class and it's taken me a while to process why and how this happened but I bombed it. I've been trying to figure out what I should do now. Just forget it? Go to a different school? I think I've come to the conclusion that I need to go back to the same school and the same teacher and do it again and this time, keep my heart open and pass it. Probably after the new year.

We are going to Disneyland for Jasper's b-day, very exciting. We love it there. Can't wait.

This was a post I started but didn't finish

2011-08-31T15:05:00.007-04:00

We are coming down the mountain. The mountain is summer and now we are staring down into the belly of the beast, that time between Labor Day and Thanksgiving where 90% of the work is done for the entire year. Why is it this way? I guess people just don't like to work but when summer is over and bonus decisions are right around the corner, they have no choice but to look busy. It's dog eat dog. Ah well, makes the time pass.

It's been a really great summer, lots of camping and Davey's Spiderman B-day party and Willis and Lia's wedding. My good friend Trisch is coming with her daughter Grayce tomorrow and they are staying with us for 5 nights. Davey is super excited and so am I. It will be exhausting and fun, a great end to the summer.

Davey starts his new Spanish immersion Pre-School on Tuesday. He's excited and nervous. We felt really torn about taking him out of his current pre-school where he's been so well cared for but I think the trade off is worth it. After going to the parent orientation last night these feelings were only solidified. It's a small school started by two native spanish speakers who have wonderful passion for early childhood education. He is in really good hands and I have a feeling he's going to thrive in this environment. Dup will be sad if I don't mention the hilarious hippy couple who attended the orientation last night with us. There are 20 kids in the school and so about 30 parents showed up and we were all sitting in tiny kid chairs. When the hippy dad pointed out that they had spelled their child's name wrong on her cubby, the hippy mom said really loudly and sarcastically, "I TOLD HIM NOT TO NAME HER THAT." Every one was like, "whoa. who let in the crazy?" Then after the teacher gave this really wonderful explanation of all of the fun celebratory activities the kids get to do, hippy mom asks, "How do you handle religious diversity because we don't eat meat." She was the most self righteous hippy I have ever encountered. GOD self righteous hippies are just the worst, aren't they? It just doesn't make sense. The hippy dad just sat there with a smile on his face. He was probably baked out of his mind, how else could he possibly tolerate her?

Willis and Lia got married last weekend. There just aren't very many words to describe how perfect and fun and amazing the whole thing was. They really knocked it out of the park. It was a grand reunion of so many old and dear friends from Seattle and New York and everyone really brought their A game good energy to the table. Love was in the air and so was vodka or in Dup's case, tequila. Dup and I both stayed up until 3am and had one of the best nights of our lives. We just danced and sang and got super super silly...

And He Turned Four

2011-08-02T15:49:00.002-04:00

Three years and camping

2011-07-19T17:16:00.007-04:00

Three years in LA. Wow, three years. In some ways it's flown by and in other ways it seems like we've been here longer. I love the summer and we are in full swing. Lots of fun things happening this summer.

We took our first family camping trip with Nathan, Lolly, Lex and Clara. It was great to go with these friends because they are super fun and laid back and our kids know each other well and also, they have camping experience. Still, camping with small children is a lot of work and there's a lot of stuff. It was also challenging to have 4 adults to 4 children under 5 years old. At one point Lolly had to go to a rehearsal and Deron had to get some work done and Nathan and I took all four kids to the beach. I couldn't help but think, "people must assume that these are all our children and they must think I'm fucking crazy."

I've been pretty obsessed with camping this year, mostly finding the right spot and acquiring the right stuff. It's such a delicate balance. You want to be prepared for anything and yet you want to pack as lightly as possible. It's a very tricky thing to nail, which is why you really, like most things, just have to practice it. You get better each time at packing and unpacking, shopping for what food works best, etc. So even though it is extra challenging now, with the kids being so young, I'm glad we're starting now, so that by the time they do get a little older, we'll be pros. We'll have the stuff. We'll know the score. And also, the boys will be used to it and not shocked by all of it.

I think you are either a camper or you aren't. You have to really want to do it or you are going to be miserable. I mean why do we do it? Especially now when campsites can be so expensive and all of the gear you have to buy can really add up, a lot of times it's the same price to stay in a hotel, sometimes cheaper. You have to really be sure before you get all of the stuff, that you are going to use it enough to give you a good return on your investment. I think a lot of people think, "We need to go camping!" and they get all the stuff and then they go and the whole family is miserable and then they never go again. Which is understandable, why would you keep going if you're miserable? I found myself asking the question, "why do we do this?" A lot.

2 Things I forgot about camping.

1. The other people. If you're camping in a popular spot in the middle of summer, there are going to be a lot of other people. What kind of people does camping attract? Well it's all kinds to a certain degree but it's mostly middle and lower-middle class people who are generally borderline white trash. I include myself in this group my friends. These are my people. But when you are right up next to a group of folks who kind of resemble the cast of the Jersey Shore, like we were and you have two kids that are really little who go to bed at 8:30pm like we do, all you can only stop and think to yourself, "this is going to be a long night." And it was. It was.

2. The dirt. It's everywhere. You can't escape it. If you don't just give into it and let it become a part of you and everything, you might as well forget it. You need to pack light and your clothing will be absolutely filthy and you will look and smell like you just woke up at all times, go with it or perish.

All in all we had a good time. It was super exhausting but I feel like that might be the hardest trip. It will only get easier as the kids get older and we get more experienced. My sister and love camping because we grew up doing it. My dad was a big outdoors man, back packer, fisherman and he took us camping all over California growing up. He and my mom went backpacking on their honeymoon. He made her go camping with him when I was 3 months old. Can you imagine? I can not. I would have told him to take a flying leap. But my mom loved him so much. She just wanted to be with him and go where he was going so we went. When my dad died, my mom was like, "we're staying at the Hilton." And now that my sister and I have kids, all we want to do is camp. So funny.

It's so nice to be back in California where there are just so many places to go camping. Three years. So much to do.

Rattler

2011-06-13T16:24:00.007-04:00

Yesterday we took the kids to the park. Deron took Eliott over to the dog run and I brought the boys up this little nature walk they have which is a zig zag walk way with rails. It's good for them because they can't fall off the edge and the view at the top is really nice. On the way back down I pointed out a sign to Davey, "Rattle Snake Habitat" it said with a big photo of a rattle snake. Davey knows an awful lot about animals due to extensive viewing of Zaboomafoo, Wild Kratts and Go Diego Go. Yes, he watches a lot of television. I'm sorry but Diego teaches him about animals and how to speak 10 words in Spanish with a bad American accent, so I feel it's more than justified. Anyway, I thought he'd think this rattle snake sign was cool, so I pointed it out to him. He did think it was cool and started asking me more about rattle snakes: are they poisonous? (yes), can you die if one bites you? (yes)

I ran off after Jasper who decided it would be fun to run down the entire path and fall on his face every 20 feet or so. Then I noticed that Davey was way behind us. He was walking very slowly in the exact center of the path clutching his water bottle to his chest, his eyes darting back and forth to either side of the trail. At first I didn't register what he was doing. He has a lot of imaginary friends and he'll often duck out of a situation and confer with them. I finally picked up Jasper and walked back to him. "Davey what are you doing honey? What's going on?" He squeaked out, "I so scared." Now I felt horrible, don't get me wrong because I think he truly was scared but he can really inject a level of drama into a situation like nobodies business. He was staring in his own little horror movie. It was pretty adorable. I was like, "oh no. I'm so sorry sweetie! I didn't mean to scare you! Are you afraid that a rattle snake is going to bite you?" "Uh huh" he responded, breathlessly. I was like, "Ok, let's stop and talk about this. I'm really sorry that I forgot to tell you a bunch of things about rattle snakes."

And then I went on to explain that they are more afraid of you than you are of them and that they don't like to come out near people and that they like to hide in holes and disguise themselves as a rock. I told him that the best thing about rattle snakes is their cool rattle. That they use it as a warning to stay away and that if he ever hears the rattle he should stay away, don't go over and investigate, just walk slowly in the other direction and they will leave you alone. He said, "but if it looks like a rock, what if I step on it and then it will bite me?" and I told him that yes this was a possibility and that's why they post the signs so that people will watch out where they are stepping and open their ears so that they can listen for the rattle warning.

Well all of this new information helped quite a bit. He let go of all of his tension and walked happily with Jasper and I the rest of the way. While he was standing at the car waiting for me to unlock the door, I could hear him talking to his imaginary friends, "What did his mom say?" one of them said and then Davey replied, "Turns out, there's nothing to be afraid of!" They were all happy to hear that. When he got back in his seat he said, "I'm going to tell daddy all about rattle snakes! They are our friends!" to which I replied, "Yes, they are our friends who we don't want to ever walk near or touch because they might bite us."

In his mind animals are either good or bad. There is no in between.

When we got home we sat on the computer and looked at videos of rattle snakes for a while. He was transfixed.

Fun stuff.

About the boys

2011-05-18T17:17:00.006-04:00

Dup sent me an e-mail a while back specifically asking me to blog about the boys because they are just so funny and cute and doing such outrageous stuff that he doesn't have time to record. So here is me fulfilling that request.

Davey is a preschooler now, 3 1/2 and Jasper is a toddler, 1 1/2. They are very aware of each other now and they are a unit but asserting themselves separately too. Jasper calls Davey "Day Day" but Davey doesn't like that name. When we point out that Jasper has come up with this cute name for him, Davey throws himself on the floor and screams, "NO I'M DAVEY!!!" So now when Jasper calls him "Day Day", we say, "Awww, he said Davey" and Davey accepts this and likes it. He smiles, "He said Davey." Yes he said Davey.

They both throw themselves on the ground a lot. There are a lot of moments of Drama. The world ends. It could be because there's no juice. It could be because we got our sword taken away for hitting our dog or our brother. It could be because we've been asked to give our brother a turn with the toy we're playing with. It could be because it's time to go in or it's time to go out or it's time to go to sleep. But it washes over them like a wave. They both turn on a dime and when they are distracted from their tears, it's on to the next thing.

Davey got bunk beds. He likes to sleep on the top bunk which is the look out or the bottom bunk which is the fort. He likes to alternate between them. It takes a lot to get him to go to sleep. It's one long negotiation. It's rice milk and vitamins and maybe peanut butter toast and it's one more video and one more book no two more books and I'm not tired and tell me another story about me and Jasper and put a magic spell on me so that I won't have bad dreams and what is the plan if I do have a bad dream... Then I finally get him down and then he comes out. He's scared. He heard something. He has a tummy ache. He has to pee. He has to poop. It's all bullshit my friends. He's a con artist. He doesn't want to go to sleep.

When he wakes up he says, "I had a good sleep! I love you too mama. What am I doing today?" and I tell him I'm so glad and I love him too and he's going to school and he says, "You going to work today mama?" and I say yes but tomorrow I don't have to go to work and he says, "we can make pancakes!" and I say yes we can.

Jasper doesn't want to go to sleep either. He wants to wear shoes but not those shoes the other shoes and he says, "shooos shoos shoos." over and over like he's E.T. He wants more, "mowh, mowh, mowh" more juice, more cookies, more balls, more books, more jumping on top of me from the chair, more trying on all of the shirts in his closet. When he does lay down he wants, "nigh nigh" which is what he calls his blanket and he wants nigh nigh a certain way and if it gets pulled off him he screams, "NIGH NIGH" like a little tiny Napoleon. He shouts orders a lot. He's a toddler who knows what he wants. He wants more.

Neither of them are big eaters. Davey never has been. He loves candy and juice. Dinner is a struggle every night. Jasper likes to chew his food and shove more in there and chew and chew and chew and then just spit it all out all over the place. it's disgusting. Every time we're like, "OAWwwww. man Jasper, really? God. Gross." He doesn't care. He's a toddler. They could give a rats ass about that kind of thing.

Jasper likes to ride Davey's scooter. It's way too big for him but he's actually getting the hang of it and he's pretty good. People are impressed that he can ride this thing. Of course this makes Dup and I very proud.

Davey likes to be in costume. A LOT. He likes to be Peter Pan or Bat Man or Spiderman mainly. He wears the costumes around the house and around the complex but also sometimes to the store, the park, to birthday parties, whatever. He gets a pretty big reaction, especially when he's in Peter Pan because of the red hair. People will yell, 'PETER PAN" and he will take off his hat and say, "No, I Davey." he's been doing this since he got the costume in September. Davey has his 4th b-day all planned out. It's going to be Spiderman. We have hired a guy to show up in a Spiderman suit. I showed him the photo of the guy from the website. He's telling every one Spiderman is going to be at his party. Then recently he told me that he's been having Spiderman nightmares every night. This is because we let him watch these Spiderman cartoons every night before bed. I tried to explain to him that Spiderman isn't real. It's just a story and he's like, "but Spiderman is real. He's coming to my party." And I found it hard to get out of that one. We stopped watching the videos before bed though and the nightmares went away. I'm just so glad he told me.

Jasper is a daddy's boy. Whenever Dup leaves the house he cries. When I leave he says, "bye bye!" with his voice intoning, "good luck out there wherever you go all the time." When Dup isn't around he looks for him, "Da da? Da da? Whar Da da?" Davey is a mama's boy. He would stay with me all the time if we let him. Sometimes when Dup tries to help him with something he will yell very creuly, "NNNNO! MAMA!" Poor Dup. This is the thanks he gets for caring for the boy noon and night. Although in the middle of the night if Davey wakes up and only wants mama, Dup is pretty glad he's a mamas boy. Jasper will sometimes cry "mama" in the middle of the night and sometimes call, "dada" and we really like to put that on each other Dup and I when we're half asleep, "He said Dada, go get him." or vice versa.

Sometimes when Davey and Jasper play together, which is happening more often, when they are laughing and running around or sliding in the bathtub or playing with batman guys, I sit and watch and I just think, this is the stuff of which dreams are made. It's pure heaven to watch them love each other, which they do, they do very much.

There's more I could say and I will but don't you hate it when people go on and on about their kids? Daddy Dup, that's for you. I love you!

Sophmore and Junior Year II

2011-03-09T15:08:00.004-05:00

(continued from previous post)

When I was doing this clinic, I was pretty much a loner. I mean people were all kinds of curious about who I was, the new girl, and if I was cheerleader material but I wasn't my typical gregarious self. I kind of kept my mouth shut and watched and danced of course. Oh did I dance. The pretty popular girls who didn't make the fall squad and who were back to reclaim the second half of their Senior Year, were pretty much playing by the rules. They had been bitch slapped by the new sheriff in town and they weren't about to slog through the rest of the MOST IMPORTANT YEAR OF THEIR LIVES without once wearing a pleated skirt so short you could almost see their ass crack to school on game days. That's a big part of it you know, getting to come to school on game days in that cheerleading uniform. The pride, the sheer stuck up pride a cheerleader exudes when they walk down the hall with that pleated polyester skirt bouncing up and down on their ass. Well it's just pure sex isn't it? Or should I say, pure joy? It's everything high school wants to be. Blech. I could never understand why so many people hate cheerleaders and now it's so obvious but at the time there was nothing more I wanted.

** side note**
I'm beginning to understand now why I have put off writing this for so long, why I couldn't quite get to it. It's so shallow that it makes my teeth hurt. Maybe it will help us understand that vast uncharted territory: the mind of the teenager. I think a lot of times we think of the teenager as a deep searching soul filled with angst and wanting answers from the universe. This story might help us remember that, nope. Sometimes the teenager is just about as deep as a kiddie pool. Back to the story. ..

One of the older girls, a pretty popular one, took me under her wing a bit. She was actually the only pretty popular girl who had made it on to the new team. I think she made it because she was both very good at cheerleading and also a rare breed of pretty popular girl; she was nice. She spent a lot of time with me teaching me the cheers and working on my technique. I needed a lot of help because as I mentioned before, I wasn't very good. I had dance experience but cheerleading is different. You have to be very rigid. You have to be sharp and your elbows need to be straight and you must must must look up and out at all times and smile so fucking hard your face hurts. Smile!!!!! JOY!!!! EXUDE CHEER!! These things are very had to do when you are concentrating on the fucking moves.

Two bits three bits six bits a dollar all for "The Claw" stand up and holler!

That was the cheer we had to learn. I remember the moves and I could do it for you right now.

The pretty popular nice girl worked with me and worked with me and then she started blowing all sorts of sunshine up my ass, telling me that I was great and telling me she really thought I had a shot at being the FIRST FRESHMAN EVER to make it on the squad. Of course I believed her. Also, at this time I was just starting to go out with this guy, a junior with a permed mullet and mint green low rider with an insane sound system who was on the wrestling team and chewed tobacco, by Claw standards, smokin hot. He was in my ear whispering the same thing, "Pretty popular nice girl is saying you're going to make it in. That you are going to be the FIRST FRESHMAN EVER to make it on the squad." Again, I believed.

I didn't make it on to the squad that try out. I was super nervous and I did my cheers ok but I just did not "pop" like some of the other girls. I wasn't ready. I was too young and I wasn't loud enough or smiley enough and couldn't do a back handspring. If you could do a back handspring you were golden. So I didn't make it and I was crushed. I cried. Soon after that mullet dude and I broke up.

The defeat only made me stronger. I practiced the cheer on my own. I went to all of the games. I studied their moves, the way they carried themselves. I could see what I needed to do. I was resolved. I would be a cheerleader. I just had to be. I wanted it more than anyone afterall.

For the next round of auditions, I had some friends. I was getting ready to go into my Sophmore year and this was for the Fall sport cheer quad. I was kind of cocky going into this clinic. I already knew a lot of the cheers. The new sheriff knew my name, a lot of the cheerleaders knew me from the last clinic. Also, I had improved and they all noticed this. I had been practicing. One of my friends in the clinic was very cute but didn't have the experience I had and she also lacked my enthusiasm. She didn't want it nearly as bad as I did. She was just kind of doing it for fun because she didn't know what else to do. This made it sting especially bad when SHE MADE THE SQUAD AND I DIDN'T.

holyfuckinghell.

What was god trying to do to me? What kind of test was this? I mean first my fucking dad dies, then my mom marries this total dickwad and moves me to butt fuck egypt away from all of my friends and the only home I've ever known and now, now I CAN NOT GET ON THE CHEERLEADING TEAM TO SAVE MY LIFE. Doesn't God know how BAD I WANT IT?

This second defeat was a real strong punch in the gut. It hurt pretty fucking bad but it did not stop me. No, no, no, no, no. I was like the Terminator. Shoot me in the face and I keep on coming at you. Nothing was going to come in between me and my destiny. I marched home to my mother and demanded that she sign me up for gymnastics so that I could learn how to do a back hand spring as soon as possible, which bless her heart, she did.

So I had to trudge along that first semester of my Sophmore year as a civilian while my buddy bounced around in her adorable little uniform. I had to sit in the bleachers while she bounced around on the field. I had to get a ride from my mom while she rode the bus with the guys. I know, I know what you are thinking, how did I endure this torture? I took it in stride. I knew that next semester I would nail the motherfucker. I had to. If I didn't, well honestly, I never entertained that possibility. I would be a cheerleader for Winter sports period. End of story. Finis. I had the silver bullet in my back pocket, the back hand spring. I took gymnastics for four months and I did learn how to do a back handspring but it was super hard. A back hand spring is one of those things that you really need to learn how to do when you are like 8 years old, before your mind begins to understand that it really shouldn't be possible to flip your entire body over onto your hands and then back over again to land on your feet. Every single time I did one I was terrified that I would land on my head and one time I did but that's a different story.

When I came back to the cheerleading clinic for Winter sports my sophmore year I was met with a mix of reactions. Every one knew me by then and I think that there was part of them that were impressed that I had the balls to give it another go but mostly they were just sad for me, that I wasn't accepting that I didn't have what it takes and they were sad for themselves that they were going to have to reject me one more time. It's no fun crushing a teenage girl's dreams. But I eased their fears on the first day. I had practiced my ass off. I was older, I was confident. I had the sharpness, the smile, smile, smile and KACHOW: backhandspring.

No one could believe that I had actually taken gymnastic classes and learned how to do one, now that was dedication, that was perseverance and maybe it was true, no one wanted it more than la Ketch.

By this time a few things had shifted since my first try out. First of all the squad was now a pretty good mix of pretty/popular and talented. You didn't have to be all three but you had to be at least two out of the three and no one straight out sucked. Second, the school vote had been thrown back in so that there was still a panel of judges but also the students voted and that counted toward 20% of your try out. Third, you had to sign an agreement, which was standard for the athletes and the student council but hadn't been standard for the cheerleaders before. The agreement was that you had to have a certain grade point average and that you couldn't drink or go to parties. No one really took it seriously because this is the Claw, everyone drinks and goes to parties. We all signed it without thinking twice. Yes I said we because I signed it too because I made the team. Hallelujah!!!! Sing it from the mountain tops, la Ketch finally made the fucking cheerleading team.

The way they let you know is that you show up at the school on a saturday, in one of the classrooms and they give you this big talk about how you are all awesome and how it was such a hard decision but there are only 10 spots and this year there were so many talented people and if you didn't make it this year, please try again next clinic because you might make it next time. Then they made a big deal about how la Ketch had kept at it and this was her third time at try outs and it's finally paid off, please come to the front of the room la Ketch, you've made the team. Every one was cheering and I was of course bawling from sheer relief and joy but mostly relief from holding on to this thing for a year and a half. Every one was really happy for me though. They wanted me to do well and I had risen to the occasion. I made it.

I so clearly remember laying in bed that night completely unable to sleep. I was so excited, completely elated. I was kicking my legs under my covers. I was giggling. I was so purely happy. It's just hilarious. It's just hilarious to me now how happy I was! How could something like that make a person feel so happy? But it did. I think that I felt that I had finally turned things around for myself. I was taking control of my life again. All of these bad things had happened and I was swimming upstream. I had wanted something so badly and I couldn't get it so I worked and worked and I took control of the boat and I turned it around. Things were going to start happening to me. (to be continued)

Sophmore and Junior Year

2011-03-08T14:36:00.006-05:00

This post has been brewing for a while and I’m excited that I finally have the time to get it out of my head and onto the blog. It’s especially exciting because I’m filling in a gaping hole in the “Acid Queen Stories” by touching on this subject. I’m not sure if I will get around to an actual story to go in there but there is a lot missing around my sophomore and Junior year of High School that can easily be summed up with one word.

Cheerleading.

Many of you may move on from the entry now, realizing that it’s going to bore the hell out of you but for the one or two of you that might be in touch with your inner cheerleader, it is for you I write.

I love cheerleading. I love it. I’m tired of apologizing. I don’t care if you think it’s a non-sport, if it’s shallow, if it’s for ditzy slutty girls. I’m fine with that description. Cheerleading is awesome. Ok, first of all it combines dancing and gymnastics. Awesome. Second, cute uniforms. Totally awesome. Third, you get to ride in the bus with the boys to the sporting events. Hello. I rest my case.

I always wanted to be a cheerleader growing up. I was never good at sports. I took a lot of dance classes and did theater and whenever I went to any kind of sporting event where there were cheerleaders, I studied them. That is what I want to do. I love watching cheerleading competitions on TV. They are so exciting. I could watch that all day.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about cheerleading. My car stereo doesn’t have an iPod hook up. It doesn’t have a cd player. It has a tape deck that is broken and it has a radio. So I listen mainly to 2 different stations going to and from work, which is a total of about 40 min a day. I listen to NPR and I listen to Kiss FM. My favorite is Ryan Seacrest in the morning on Kiss. I like to know what the kids are listening to these days, ok? Most of it makes my ears bleed but there are usually one or two really great pop songs in rotation. My favorite right now would be SUCH A GREAT CHEERLEADING ROUTINE SONG. It’s “Raise your glass” by Pink. Omg. I would do anything to be a high school girl doing a dance routine with back flips and basket tosses in a short skirt bad ass costume in front of an entire high school class sitting in bleachers at a pep assembly. It would be so hot. **sigh** I seriously get butterflies in my stomach imagining it when I turn this song up very loud in my car while I’m driving. I can imagine it happening and I think, “maybe I should coach cheerleading?” It would be a bold career move that would pay almost nothing. And yet….

Honestly, I wasn’t really that great of a cheerleader. I’ve never been super coordinated and I learned back handsprings late in life and was always afraid of doing them…

When I got to the Claw High School, one of the first things I asked was, “Do you have cheerleading for Freshman?” The answer was yes, Freshman could try out for cheerleading but there was only one cheerleading squad and no Freshman had ever made it. At the high school I would have gone to if I had stayed in California, which was 3x the size of the Claw High School, they had a Varsity squad, a JV squad and a Freshman Squad. The Freshman squad was known as the “Dog Squad” but you had to cheer on the Dog Squad for one year if you even wanted to try out for JV or Varsity so all of my friends were doing the last semester of 8^th grade. I didn’t do the try outs because I knew we were moving and so did every one else and it would have been silly. All of my friends were practicing the routines and going to the workshops and I just watched and I was SO JEALOUS. GAWD I JUST WANTED TO BE A CHEERLEADER WAS THAT SO WRONG??????

So when I found out that there was only one squad, even though they told me Freshman never made it, I was kind of into that idea. I felt like, well when I do get on the team, it will be the good team right away. I won’t have to slum it in a dog squad. I knew that I would make the team. I had to make the team because I WANTED IT MORE THAN ANYTHING. It was just like many of the contestants on American Idol. It cracks me up so much when the contestants say things like that, especially during like Hollywood Week or whatever and they get cut and they are being interviewed right after and they are like, “I can’t get cut. I want this SO BAD. NO ONE WANTS THIS MORE THAN ME.” And it’s like, “well perhaps but it’s not a contest for who wants it the most. It’s a contest for who can sing the best.” So…… I wasn’t the best cheerleader. Yet.

I wasn’t able to try out for the Fall cheerleading team which cheered for Football. I was too late for that but I was able to try out for Winter, which was cheering for basketball. They did a sort of cheerleading clinic after school where you could go and learn the routines, the cheer you would have to do at tryouts and practice and of course, get to know the current cheerleaders. I found out pretty quickly, after hearing chatter mostly from the stands at the first day of school assembly where the cheer leaders performed that there had been a recent Coup in the cheerleading echelon at the Claw High School. Apparently there was a new sheriff in town, the cheerleading coach, and she didn’t like how things were being run. She didn’t like that the cheerleading tryouts were basically a popularity contest. She didn’t like that the cheerleaders were only the pretty girls who maybe weren’t the best dancers or gymnasts. She didn’t like that they partied a lot and had a reputation for being sluts. Basically she was no fun.

She came in and changed the entire process. Apparently up until her arrival the entire try out was a one shot deal in front of the entire school and there was a VOTE. That’s how you got onto the squad. Isn’t that hilarious? I mean it was truly 100% a popularity contest. So the Claw. So crazy. So she took the vote out of it completely and brought in a table of judges who were from out of town, supposedly impartial and had some dance and or gymnastic experience. The auditions were open and anyone could come watch, which a lot of people did. It was an event. So what happened is that all of the pretty popular girls got axed and some younger, less pretty but better gymnasts got in and the entire school was up in arms about it. It was pretty sad really because they got booed a lot, even though they were really good.

So when I tried out this had all just happened and the pretty popular girls were pissed and they were back. They were doing the clinic and they were there to roll up their sleeves and learn to dance better and back flip better and bring the DECENCY and the POPULARITY back to the Claw High School Cheerleading Squad. I was a little lost in the shuffle but it was interesting to watch.

To be continued…

Happy Venereal Disease Day

2011-02-14T10:31:00.004-05:00

Or is it valentines day? I always get them mixed up.

I won't state the obvious and say, "it's been a while." Although, I kind of just did. Work has been pretty steady since the new year, although strangely not too stressful but still I just haven't been able to find the time or motivation to write. My boss is out of town for a few days though so I really need to put something down here...

I guess I'll start with work. The thing I've come to understand after working in this industry (finance) since 2005, is that 75%, if not more of the work for the entire year is done between labor day and thanksgiving. Summer is over, kids are back to school and the energy is just like, "ok let's roll up our sleeves and do some fucking work here so that people see how fucking hard I work and I can get a huge fucking bonus." And that's what they do and it is very stressful. The end of 2010 for me was pretty difficult at work and I was really developing my exit plan. I can't go on like this, I said over and over but then the pressure breaks and you have the holidays and then the end of the year reviews and then the money pours down on every one's heads and people calm the fuck down and they are nice again or at least they stop acting like total ass holes.

I hope I'm being vague enough here because talking about work on your blog is career suicide and I need my job, which is kind of the point here - I want to keep my job. For now.

The things that my job gives to me which are extremely valuable are: Money, Benefits and Time with my family. The last one is really big and you wouldn't think that a job would give you time with with your family but I have great hours. 6:30 - 3pm. I know, painful in the morning but amazing when you get to leave at 3pm. I get so many more daylight hours with my kids than most working parents. I get to go outside and play with them, eat dinner with them. I also get a lot of paid time off at my job and that gives me time with them too.

Is my job spiritually fulfilling? Absolutely not. Is it a times demeaning? Yes - I swallow a lot. Does is at times border on soul crushing? At times but not all of the time and I think I can protect myself to the point where it's worth it to stick with it for a while.

Especially since, after doing the cost-benefit analysis, it just would be so hard to go back to school right now, spend all of my non-working hours studying, away from my family and then at the end of the process step into a job that pays about half of what I'm making now.

So, I've decided that instead of going back to school and jumping career tracks, I'm going to do a small soul fulfilling thing. I auditioned to take classes at The Groundlings Improv school. I have a special affinity for the The Groundlings because it was there that my hero Paul Reubens got his start. The classes are expensive and their system is a bit of a racket which gets extremely competitive at the top tier but I'm not really interested in that. I just want to play. I just want to exercise the muscle you know? I haven't done any acting since before Davey was born and went I went to this audition, I really can't even describe the relief I felt going to this audition. It was like a part of me that had been placed in a head lock for over four years was set free. I could breathe. I was the whole me.

The audition was not a big deal, it was set up like a class and they really just want to see if you have any acting experience at all and if you can hold your own in a class, which you would be surprised the number of delusional people who show up to these things. I really, really appreciate that they hold these auditions because it only takes one Yahoo to single handedly destroy an entire class and yes, there was one at my audition and yes, I ended up on stage with her. There were also some really good people and I loved the instructor. I had a great fun in the audition and it ended way too quickly. I got to go up twice and I just felt like, "again. more." which was great. I was by no means the best person in the room. Improv is motherfucking hard, a close second to CLOWN, which is by far the hardest. I'm definitely a natural comedian but I'm by no means a natural at Improv. It's a stretch for me but I like that it's a stretch and it's something that I would really really really like to be good at. I'd like to be able to step out on the stage an hold my own at it. Yes, I would. More than anything though, I realized that If I'm going to be a whole person, a good parent, a good wife, I can't ignore this part of me. I have to exercise it in some way. Does that mean that I'm going to pursue a career as an actor, hell no. Too hard. Way too hard. Classes at the Groundlings will do for now. The audition is good for a year so I will register probably for a class in the spring. It's like $500 bucks so there's that. Oh I don't think I said that I got in to the school. If I hadn't, I would have had to kill myself. So luckily, I did.

Ok, enough about me. Jasper is walking like a mad man now, full fledged toddler. He's also got some words and is into animal sounds. It takes me back to Davey at the stage. It's hard to imagine Davey before he could talk because it seems now that's all he does. Deron got his vascectomy. It was kind of a pivotal thing like here we are, this is for sure our family and I really appreciated him taking this step to ensure that because the kitchen is closed my friends. This is more than enough for us thank you. He's been in quite a bit of pain for the last 8 days but he's finally feeling better and so thank you Dup. It's the best valentines gift ever.

Also, Dup got an Iphone. The man has been obsessed about the damn Iphone since it was invented and talks about it constantly to the point where I was just like, "ENOUGH ALREADY JUST GET IT." The data plan makes our cell phone bill more expensive, which is why we've held off on getting him one but he's so happy now that it's worth it. I was thinking he might benefit from going to see a therapist 2x a month but now I see that he just needed to get an Iphone. Amazing.

Ok, I can't keep going on and on. My boss is out but there is still a ton of work to be done and if I don't get to it I could loose my job that I've decided to keep. Would that be a pisser?

The caped crusaders

2011-01-20T13:01:00.000-05:00

After the storm

2010-12-27T15:05:00.002-05:00

Snowing snowing snowing in New York and Sunny and 65 here. Finally. Beautiful day. I am at work. It's kind of nice to be here because it's quiet and the last few days have been anything but quiet. We had a really nice Christmas but lots of running around. Davey had a blast with his cousins and he got lots of fun stuff. He especially likes his bat cave and his spiderman costume. Jasper loves his big red ball and his miniature vacuum cleaner that runs. He's always vacuuming now.

Deron didn't like my fake holiday letter post. I guess the stuff about the kids was hard for him. I mean obviously it was a joke but the tone was a bit acerbic so I guess it just wasn't as funny as I had intended it to be. Deron does not have any sort of a sexually transmitted disease for the record.

I'm also sorry if I offended anyone who has it together enough to mail a holiday card. I love the cards we get. They are beautiful and they are on our fridge. Please don't take me off your list. I was just cranky. I put this collage together and this is our holiday card.

I hope you had a good one!

The Ketchum Bos Annual Letter

2010-12-22T16:16:00.005-05:00

"Well it's been another crazy year at the Ketchum-Bos household! Here are some of the highlights:

Deron's Gonorrhea is back, yeow!! Poor dear. Guess who's getting antibiotics in his stocking again? Other than that, he's been only mildly depressed. He's broken down crying only one time after I've yelled at him. That's record for sure! We're considering divorce but we're going to pretend that everything is fine until after the holidays are over for the sake of the children. I'm sure I'll forget this strategy after two drinks and tell everyone the truth about everything ( WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTIMATE IN 7 MONTHS) but you can't blame us for trying, LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Davey is as whiny and demanding as ever. We think he might like killing animals for sport! I think that's the sign of a genius or something else, I can't remember. I forgot him at the shopping mall a few months ago. He had quite a scare but the workers there fed him and kept him company until I came back to get him the next day. Before he left he cried and hugged them saying, "please don't make me go with her!!" What a little joker.

Jasper was testing way above normal for the milestone chart until I realized I was reading the damn chart upside down. As soon as I turned it over I spilled red wine on it and now I can't read it at all. He's eating paste a lot. I think that's normal! I'm teaching him how to make screwdrivers (the drink not the tool), so I'd say he's fairly advanced.

Eliott the Beagle is having quite the year. I keep letting him out and he keeps coming back. He's determined as hell to remain a contributing member of the family, which is more than I can say for myself. Luckily, my workman's comp checks started coming in after my "fall" at work a few weeks ago. If I can keep the vicdin (spelling?)refills going Deron and I might stay married after all. If you know a "good doctor", please give me a call!! Ha ha!! (I'm serious about that actually)

I guess that's it. Looking forward to a fantastic New Year and wishing you and your family the best. I'm enclosing a photo of the whole family... the only reason my smile is so fake is because I used to date the photographer and he gave us a free sitting because he owes me a bunch of money and right before he took the photo he called me a slut.

Merry Christmas!!!
The Ketchum-Bos Family"

Rain and Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T15:36:00.006-05:00

No more excuses now because things have really quieted down at work and I'm free to write here so maybe it's just that so much time has passed but also maybe I'm just apathetic and uninspired? I don't know. I'm just going to type into this thing and see what comes out.

We're celebrating Christmas at our place this year. My Grammy isn't feeling well, being 88 and all and so we've decided to stay put because she's not up for the drive or the staying at my mom's and sleeping on the couch bed and all of the chaos, etc. It will be fun I think, scaled down a little as far as the food and stuff but we'll manage. I got a honey baked ham and ordered some pies so it will be low key. It's going to get small in the condo though.

It's been raining here for 7 days straight. Not normal for So Cal and people are freaking out. It's supposed to let up tomorrow, so that's a relief. It's amazing how easily to get used to the weather here and how easily you take going outside all of the time for granted. It's taking me back to the old days of living in Washington State, the dreary depression of the 8 month long rainy season there. People say, "You know it doesn't really rain that much there. That's a myth. That's just what the people who live there say to stop people from moving there." Well I lived there for 10 years and it rained the whole fucking time. It was horrible that rain. I hated it. When it's not raining, well it's the most beautiful place you've ever seen. But it is raining. A lot. Forgive me if you live there and are reading this and I'm depressing you. Hopefully it's stopped raining after I moved away.

So I'm talking about the weather now.... My Niece is staying with us and she's always building things out of blankets and boxes and stuff. We got this big box of diapers that we ordered yesterday and she was like, "oh I'm going to make something really good out of that." and within minutes she had out the scissors and tape and she and Davey made a train. Then last night Davey slept in the train. He loves the train so much he kept telling her, "Kiah thank you for making me my train bed. I love my train bed." I thought he's be all hyper sleeping in it but no, I shut the door and he was quiet as a mouse and he stayed in there all night. He says he wants to eat all of his meals in there going forward. Deron took Kiah and the boys to the Science Center today since it's still raining. Fun. I'm sitting here trying to make myself do filing and expense reports and all of the other super boring stuff that I don't have time to do when it's busy but it's really hard to make yourself do that kind of stuff when no one is watching. So I'm blogging. Hey! Look at me! I'm blogging!

I do really love Christmas. I love that everything shuts down and that you get together and you eat and drink and the presents are fun but the Christmas cards.... They are really cute when they come I enjoy seeing the photos of the families but I can't help but think to myself, "Show offs." I mean honestly who has time for that shit???

Jasper is fully walking now. Video is needed. He also says Dada and Mama and he says "Ha" and points to his head, which means hat. And he also Says "Ha ha ha" and fans his hand in front of his face when there is something hot. He is obsessed with Gummy vitamins.

I guess that's all I got. I'm working on a photo collage that I'll send out as an e-card because I do have time for that...

Oh one thing I really want to do this year is send out a "real" annual letter. I think I'll do that in another post actually.

Merry Christmas!!

And Happy Thanksgiving and...

2010-12-06T13:04:00.003-05:00

Oh dear me. What can I say. I have been buried, buried at work. There is no time. There is no energy. It's starting to slow but there's the back log. The tasks that we're put on the back burner that are now needing my attention. The real, real, real boring stuff...

ahhhhh. I'm trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm thinking that I would like to go back to school to get my masters and my teaching credential and then become a high school teacher. This is a few years off. Something has to give though. I can't just keep doing this.

The money and the hours though. It will be tough to let that go. I can't just keep doing this though. My soul. It's getting tight in here.

More later.

Happy Halloween Everyone

2010-10-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Jasper

2010-10-29T13:08:00.004-04:00

My little matinee Idol.... I love you!!

Davey at Kajukenbo

2010-10-11T16:30:00.008-04:00

Davey is taking Karate. It's really Kajukenbo which is a combo of a bunch of diff martial arts. It's actually, really, mostly him jumping around on some mats and yelling, "HI-YAH" over and over but he really loves the class. This Do jo is where our neighbor takes her son and it's run by a family. They are the nicest people and so good with Davey. As long as he's having fun we'll go with it. I have mixed feelings about such small children learning fighting techniques but when you have a boy you really see how they are just wired with this fighting energy. Not all boys but Davey def has the instinct to fight. I'd like to give him an outlet for it. So far he hasn't tried to use his powers for evil. Mostly he just wanted the belt. On Friday we got him all suited up in the pads for their fight night. He jumped right in there, no fear of the fighting. I gave him a thumbs up sign and he yelled, "DO YOU LIKE MY OUTFIT MOM!?" Which got a big laugh. That's my boy...

And another thing

2010-09-30T15:35:00.004-04:00

VOTE YES ON 19 Californians!!!!

it makes too much sense. it will never happen.

Click Here for more information.

And this is when I'd like to find the slow down button

2010-09-30T11:33:00.003-04:00

Jasper is going to be one in 12 days. I know. What?

He is my angel baby. I get lost in his sky blue eyes. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments. He can be very demanding. He doesn't sit in his high chair for more than 2 min. He wants to stand up. He wants to climb every thing. He wants my fork. I eat every meal with my fingers. He takes the utensils and throws them on the ground. He wants another one.

Jasper is close to walking but I think another month or so before he does it. He crawls like a mad man and he's much more interested in climbing than walking. He just wants to get the highest point of the tallest thing in the room.

Things in general are still hard but they are getting easier. I mean the day to day, there's a struggle at the center of it. It's always a struggle but there's a method most of the time, to the madness. I feel like we're heading into that sweet spot. That place where both kids are still kids but they aren't babies. We aren't there yet by any means but I'm feeling less like, "let's hurry up and get there." and more like, "let's slow it down. This is going too fast."

We got sick for the first time this cold and flu season. Yes it started. Cold and Flu season is here already. Davey got his famous cough and we've started taking him to an allergist who prescribed breathing treatments with a nebulizer. This is a little machine that turns medicine into vapor that he inhales through a face mask. It was hard to get him to do it in the beginning and now it's still hard but he's getting used to it. It's pretty sad sitting next to him while he breathes on this thing but not as sad as him coughing uncontrolably for weeks on end. The allergist tells us that he is having an asthmatic reaction to the viruses he's getting. The asthma takes the form of a cough. The good news is that he doesn't have full blown asthma and she feels it will clear up in 2-3 years. I've spoken to a few parents now whose children had a similar situation when they were Davey's age and now they don't have any problems with asthma so I'm hopeful that she's right. For now he's off the treatments because his lungs are 100% clear but if he gets even so much as a sniffle, we hit him with the treatments and this is supposed to stave off the virus from going down into his lungs and settling in. In other words he'll just get sick like a normal kid would get sick for a few days. I'm hopeful that this winter will be easier than last because of this new diagnosis and treatment plan! Fingers way crossed.

I went to a back to school night for Davey's pre-school last night. It really hit me as I was going through the paperwork, "wow this is real school. I mean he's started his acedemic career." He will be in school now FOREVER. A long time. And that means that in a way, Deron and I are in school too. We have to engage! It's good stuff. I really like his school.

They offered babysitting during the open house and I had dropped Davey and Jasper off there while I went to the meeting. They did it at the toddler center next door where Davey used to go to day care last year. When I went to get them I could hear music pouring out the windows as I walked up to the building, "my Sharona" BLASTING. There were about 30 toddlers in there all dressed in costumes dancing to My Sharona. Jasper was sitting in his stroller taking it all in. It was so fucking hilarious. Davey had a cowboy hat on and chaps. I said, "Are you a cowboy?" duh. and his little buddy who was dressed in a full on dinosaur costume screamed, "I'M A DINOSAUR!!!!" Davey didn't want to go home. I had to drag him out.

Slow down button please.

Tonight Dup is taking Davey to his second Karate class. Our neighbor Nicholas takes Karate at a Dojo near by and Davey has shown interest. Also in the last 6 months he's just really gotten into "fighting." Everything turns into a sword: as straw, a bat, a spoon, a stick; all equal swords. So I thought this might be a good way to let him channel that energy. A place where we could say "yes" to it. Well he loved the class. It's a lot like herding cats but the teacher is very very good. I was amazed at his patience and balance of kindness and discipline. They did stretches, jumping jacks and then they practiced a series of kicks. They kick bags not people but on Fridays they put these little kids in pads and let them pummel each other. On the way home Davey told me that Karate is his favorite thing to do and he doesn't like basketball. Then he told his imaginary friend who is a dog, "Sorry, you can't go to karate. No dogs allowed. Sorry. Teacher says. That against rules." I was dying. So Dup is going tonight to see what all the fuss is about and then we can decide if we'll go all in. It's $75 a month but then you have to buy the outfit, bite guard, cup (do they make cups that small? omg) It adds up. I'm for it but as Dup is fond of saying, "where is the money gonna come from?" And so it begins. It's always something with these little guys. They say kids are expensive and they're not kidding.

Dup if you're reading this, don't forget the camera today when you take him. We need photos of our little Karate kid.

2010-09-24T15:01:00.001-04:00

2010-09-24T13:19:00.003-04:00

Dave gets Oprah Pregnant.

2010-09-17T13:21:00.003-04:00

I can't get this to embed properly but if you click this link, it will take you right to it.

One of my fav sketches of all time. You've probably seen it but it's worth revisiting because I just watched it for the 100th time and laughed my ass off. The quitting scene is so simple and genius. I think about it all the time.

"Take a memo... Kiss my ass. Now send that around to every one."

anniversaries

2010-09-08T14:29:00.004-04:00

I forgot to draw attention to an important anniversary, our second year in Los Angeles which was July 14th. Bastille Day. If you have to ask me why we moved on Bastille Day, well then, you really don't deserve to know the answer...

I've spoken many times here about how glad I am we made the move and how much I love living here so I won't go into that too much. I think that when you move to most places, especially a big city, it takes a year to really feel settled and like you know your way around but with LA, i think it's more like 2 years. It's just so big. We're slowly getting out to see even the most obvious tourist type of stuff. We recently went to Olvera Street, which was fun and kind of eh but nostalgic for me because I went there as a kid. We walked around Union Station which is really beautiful.

This year I'd love to visit the Getty and go to the Hollywood Bowl. Both are hard with the kiddos though...

Last weekend Dup and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary. woW! six year of pure bliss my friends. And by pure bliss I mean, I get drunk and yell at him a lot but we work it out the next day.

Seriously though, having the second kid and dealing with a very strained budget has been very difficult this year but we have weathered the storm. Dup!! I love him.

One upcoming anniversary is 2 years in our condo. wow again. I've mentioned before that when we moved in I said, "five years" as in how long it would take for us to get the place to an acceptable living space. That doesn't mean a dream condition, just acceptable. I think that was a very fair assessment and it's probably exactly how long it will take. Money is tight and any extra money I get usually goes into some home improvement project. It's taking a long time. But if you look at the before and after, we've come a long way too! I am painting the living room ONE WALL AT A TIME. it's a huge pain. huge pain. but it's s-l-o-w-l-y happening. I'm hoping by the end of this year it will be done. After that, the bathroom. There's a lot of painting to do for a seemingly small space. I have a feeling it will be like painting the Golden Gate Bridge and when I'm finally done it will be time to go back to the kitchen. Ah Life!!! These are good problems to have.

Speaking of good problems to have, let's talk about another upcoming anniversary and that is the birth of my precious little Jasper aka TROUBLE!!! He's getting into anything he can these days especially if it's dangerous. He likes to find the most dangerous thing in the room and crawl over to it and sink his teeth in. Dup has found him half way up the stairs 2 x now. He is pulling himself up and pushing around his little walker. He'll be taking his first steps by Oct 13th, his first b-day. We decided that instead of having a big party where we invite the whole family and spend a crap load of money (and he won't remember it) just so that we can get a photo op of him shoving cake in his face, we're going to go to Disneyland as a family. FUN!! I'm so excited. Dup and I both love Disneyland and so does Davey of course. We've shown him a lot of the Disney movies and he watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse a lot so he's familiar with the old characters too.

Willis and Lia are probably coming with us and did you hear the fantastic news that they are engaged?? They came over and told us in person, which was so touching. I screamed so loud that I made Jasper burst into tears. We are so happy for them. They are going to have to most beautiful children with the curliest hair. That's a photo of them taken by Davey. It looks like they are coming down the hallway from the after life or something. They look super happy. That's how they react to Davey with those smiles and energy. I love them for how they love our kids. It's so sweet.

so funny.

2010-08-26T17:17:00.002-04:00

My Favorite part is when he's like, "oh hello ladies..."

Davey's 3rd B-Day Party

2010-08-02T14:13:00.005-04:00

the not so secret

2010-07-29T16:26:00.002-04:00

Here's a conversation between myself and my co-worker today:

My Co-worker: I'm so pissed off at my boss. I've been looking for jobs online all day.

Me: Anything good?

My Co-worker: No. Nothing. Anything good means a pay cut.

Me: Do you know what you need to do?

My Co-worker: No, tell me. Tell me what I need to do.

Me: You need to write down your ideal

My Co-worker: (overlapping) Is this "The Secret?" are you going to go all "The Secret" on me? Because you know I hate that shit.

Me: No, this isn't "The Secret" no. Well kind of but listen. Ok, you write down your dream job, you know be specific, you have to be very specific and write down what you really truly want.

My Co-worker: Oh yeah, definitely.

Me: But you know, in this reality. You have to be realistic.

My Co-worker: Trust me I am. I'm always realistic. Ok, so then what?

Me: Then just put it out there. Post it on your blog or I don't know, like go on a hike and stand on a cliff and like, wad it up into a ball and

My Co-worker: (overlapping) and eat it? Should I just eat the fucking thing?

Me: Yes, eat it. Eat the fucking thing and then wait until you shit it out. Shit it out and then put it in a bag and put it on your boss' doorstep and light it on fire and when he comes out and stomps it out, THAT is when you will get your job.

My Co-worker: That's what I need to do huh?

Me: Yes.

Davey is 3

2010-07-27T13:11:00.003-04:00

And doesn't he look like the little man in that photo? He is Super Davey. Davey is officially wearing NO DIAPERS. We are very proud. He is very proud. It is so exciting. He has accidents, yes but every day it's getting better. Do you know how much money this is going to save us?

Davey is having his birthday party on Saturday. We are doing a pool party in our complex and I've invited basically the entire neighborhood. It might get a little crazy. Davey is Psyched for this party. This morning he got to open one present from his grandpa. It was a kid's digital camera. He LOVES it. Thanks Pop Pop!

What else can I say about Davey? Yesterday, I took him and Jasper to the park and first he peed in the public bathroom (amazing). Then, he climbed up this big "Spider Web" climbing thing they have to the top of the slide all by himself. He did this like 5 times. Each time was it's own little challenge, a big struggle and each time he reached the top TRIUMPH!! CHEERS!! He was so proud of himself. He's been trying to climb this thing for a long time.

There was a little girl at the park who was obsessed with Jasper. She kept coming up to him and grabbing his hands and putting her toe on his cheek. She was like 2 years old or something. Well, Davey did not like this, "NO! My baby brother. He doesn't like that!" Then he gave Jasper a hug. Well, Jasper was fine with it really. I think he was kind of into this girl but Davey was being very possesive. I said, "Davey, it's ok. She's just playing with Jasper. He likes it." and then Davey walked over to the little girl and put his finger up to his lips and made a "shhhhush" sound. "Shhhh. Be quiet. He might be sleeping." I guess he was trying a different tactic to get her away from his beloved possession.

Another slice from the park was Davey at the top of the slide. There was an older girl there who was being really mean and when he tried to get by her she said, "Are you 8?' and he said, "Wanna go down" and she said, "You're not 8 are you? You are just a BABY, aren't you?" in a really horrible sing song way. And Davey said, "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Then he stopped himself and said, "I DON'T LIKE THAT!! I WANT TO GO DOWN NOW." And she got out of the way and he went down.

I think that gives you a pretty good idea of where he's at.

Happy Birthday my sweet self possessed boy. You are my pride and joy!

Yosemite

2010-07-22T10:02:00.004-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a long while. I'm so busy at work and we went on Vacation to Yosemite. It's a special place for my mom and sister and I because we spent a lot of time there with my Dad when my sister and I were young. I haven't been there since I was 11 years old and it was very powerful for me to be back, in a good way. I feel that my dad's spirit is there and going back was like visiting him in a way. The place we stayed was outside the valley and kind of gross although it did have a petting zoo which Davey loved. Next time we go we will definitely stay in the Valley because being there was like being in heaven.

Here is a little slice from one of my favorite parts of the trip. Jasper and I were just sitting on the edge of the Merced River watching Davey play in the mud and my Nephew Taj and my Niece Kiah jumping in and out of the water, which was FREEZING COLD. I jumped in a few times myself. It was so hot out and it felt really good. My favorite part about this video is the incomparable Half Dome hanging over it all. So beautiful. I just kept sitting there going, "I'm here. I'm here. I'm here."

Davey at Yosemite from Deron Bos on Vimeo.

July July July

2010-07-01T13:16:00.005-04:00

July!!! I love July. It's my favorite month of the year. It's my birthday month. It's the summer. It has such a sense of freedom to it and Laize Faire. Independence day! "Blow some shit up day!" is what it should be called. I love swimming. I love a bbq, watermelon, hot hot days. It's the best.

We're leaving for Yosemite in 9 days. I'm so excited. Although, I'm too busy planning next year's vacation to focus on this year's at the moment. You have to book 1 year in advance for the best camp spots you know.

What else? We are trying to refinance our mortgage. We are trying to paint walls. We are trying not to get sick. I twisted my ankle. I'm working on a television pilot. Jasper got a tooth.

And oh my gosh the best news ever. Judd Apatow is going to make the Pee Wee movie. It's a match made in heaven. I am SO HAPPY.

HAPPY JULY!!

Eight Months Old!

2010-06-14T11:36:00.004-04:00

Jasper is really starting to crawl. He's not on all fours yet but he can get pretty far pretty fast with the "GI JOE" method. He has amazing upper body strength. He's a great eater! He loves his baby food! He really wants to eat a chicken leg though. He's a great sleeper at night but not always the best napper. He has the sweetest disposition and is an observer. He especially likes to watch his big brother. He likes any attention his big brother will give him even if it's being used as a tiny little punching bag. His has the dreamiest blue eyes. I hope they stick around. Willis took this photo, which illustrates my point! Happy 8 month b-day little J!

shit my dad says

2010-05-19T15:33:00.001-04:00

Ok, I'm sorry that i'm probably the last person on the entire planet to read this but oh my god it is funny. If you haven't read it do yourself a favor and click here.

Jasper Laughing

2010-05-11T10:17:00.002-04:00

in the great tradition of Moe

2010-05-07T12:24:00.000-04:00

I'm on to you lady ga ga...

the boys

2010-05-03T11:28:00.007-04:00

I've heard of this early childhood idea that your kid is usually existing in a mastery phase, where they feel on top of their game or a learning phase where they are trying to master something and they are feeling insecure and out of sorts. Well, gee wiz, I guess that kind of applies to big people too but it makes a lot of sense when you are watching a developing toddler. The transition from age two to age three is crazy really. There's so much expected of them. They are giving up their pacifiers, giving up their bottle, learning to sleep in a regular bed, learning to use the toilet. It's really the transition year from "baby" to "big kid". It's a lot. Then add getting a new baby brother to the mix. It's even more.

There are so many things that Davey says now that clue me into the sort of complex stuff he's dealing with. Where he used to just say "yes" or "no", now a lot of times he considers something and comes back with "maybe". Sometimes when he says something and I ask him about it he'll shake his head and say, "nothing mamma." As if to say, "oh you wouldn't get it" or "the moment has past." Lately, instead of saying, "I can't do it." he says, "I can't do anything." which is so heart breaking to hear. I mean, where is he getting that? He'll also say, "I'm sad mamma." If he's upset. Don't worry, he also says, "I like it!" and "I like him/her." a lot too and he says, "I DID IT!" in a very proud way a whole lot. The most wonderful thing that he says now is, "i love you." but he doesn't usually say "i love you" instead he says, "i love you too." even though you haven't said it to him at that particular moment (I say it to him all the time). I guess it's because he's used to saying it back to me but now, he'll just kind of out of the blue come up to me and say, "I love you too mama." It's similar to when he says, "hold you." when he really means, "hold me."

This weekend Davey transitioned to his "big boy bed". It's a toddler bed which means it's this adorable little miniature bed that his crib mattress fits into. A friend of ours handed it down to us. We've been talking about it for a while now and I think he is ready. He loves his little bed and when we set it up he couldn't wait to go to sleep in it. He's figured out though that he's free to get up from it and he's testing that new found freedom. He slept in it both Saturday and Sunday nights and both nights we had to go in there a few times before he settled down and finally went to sleep. Instead of yelling for me from his bed he gets up and goes to the door. Then when I open the door he's wandering around his room saying, "I missing something. missing something." I ask him what it is that he's missing and he thinks and thinks and can't figure out what it is. Finally last night I was like, "honey do you miss your crib? Is that what you are missing?" and he was like, "no! a TOY!" I think really he just wants to walk around. He's exploring his new boundaries.

Jasper is a doll. He's so precious and cute. He just lights up the room when he smiles, which is a lot. He's a good eater! Davey as most of you know was not. Jasper just opens his mouth and gobbles up his food. It's wonderful. He eats apples, pears, peas, plums, rice cereal, bananas and hard little baby cookies. I've also frozen some bagel halves and he likes to chew on those. Last night I was eating a chicken leg in front of him and he yelled like a little cave man and reached for it. He wants meat.

Jasper is also starting to scoot. He's not sitting up on his own yet or getting on all fours yet but he can move across a room. Mostly he rolls himself along from back to front and back to front in one direction to get to what he wants and then scoots the last part of the way. The gig is just about up for us. We're going to have two little mobile creatures on our hands very soon. Lord save us. Jasper is transitioning from his infant car seat to his permanent britax convertable car seat today. He will still face the back but it's bigger and roomier and I think he'll like it. The downside is that you can't carry him around in it but he's getting so heavy now that it's not so convenient to do that anymore anyway. So many transitions though. It's all going so fast. It's what every one says but they say it for a reason. It goes fast

on waiting

2010-04-09T14:58:00.005-04:00

I've mentioned many times here that i have problems with limbo and that my most uncomfortable moments are spent waiting for big events. Conversely, the anticipation of things to come is largely what drives me and I have a hard time remaining calm with out some big event on the horizon. It's really the final weeks and days leading up to the event that make me coo coo. I just get so uneasy and cant sit in my own skin.

What I mean by big event is like: moving to New York, starting school, getting engaged, wedding, honeymoon, baby, new job, apartment move, buying a house, baby #2, moving to Los Angeles, etc. Those kind of big events.

The point of this preface is that currently, I find myself in the unfamiliar place of not really waiting for anything.

I've moved to LA and we plan on staying indefinitely. We bought a condo where we plan on living until our kids graduate from high school at least (who knows but it's probable). I am married. I have my two kids and my husband and my dog. I'm at a good job where I can hopefully stay for a long time.

So, the question my mind has started to ask is, "what's next?"

And the answer is, "live your life."

It's mostly a wonderful feeling really. This is my life. It's happening now, all around me. This is my house and that is my husband and those are my children and this is my car and this is my job and that is the sun and I'm breathing the air and I'm drinking the coffee and I'm drinking the wine and I'm eating the In and out burgers and I'm talking to my neighbors and I'm swimming in the pool and I'm going to the zoo and I'm visiting my family and I'm planning my vacation and I'm refurbishing my condo.

Those last two are the main things I can put in front of myself. The vacations and the refurbishing. The most wonderful news that I have to share with you is that we are getting new carpet. If you've seen the carpet we have currently then you know how wonderful this truly is. If you haven't seen it let me just tell you that it is old and it is really fucking dirty and full of the previous owners cat and we all have allergies. New carpet is going to change our lives.

Also, we're going to Yosemite this summer. Yosemite is a place we used to vacation to every summer when I was a little girl living in California and it has special importance because my dad loved it there. He was very into John Muir (Davey's middle name is Muir), the naturalist who sort of introduced the idea of National Parks and spent most of his life dedicated to saving Yosemite and other beautiful places in the country. My dad was a very avid back packer hiking the John Muir Trail solo, each summer for several years up until the last year of his life. He didn't get a chance to finish it but my feeling is that is spirit is there, in Yosemite and I'm very anxious to go back there and hear his voice in the sound of the air moving through the trees. I'm mostly looking forward to showing my children this place that my family has so many happy memories of and I'm hoping they will grow up with similar happy memories of their time there.

So I'm waiting for that.

Carpet and Yosemite. Is it enough?

Yes. It think so for now.

Thank you.

photo of Tay in the 8th grade

2010-04-07T11:49:00.002-04:00

I'm going to the funeral of a childhood friend today. She was about to turn 36, which is the same age my mom was when my dad died. My friend has four small children.

I'm dreading going to this funeral but I know that it's important that I go. Her family needs to see how many of us loved their girl. She and I lost touch through the years but she sent me a message on facebook a while back and we said hi to each other.

What I remember about my friend is that she was always a mother, even when we were young. She always had her arms open for a hug and when my dad died she took me on when many of my friends didn't know what to do and some couldn't look me in the eye.

Is there anything more sad than 4 small children who have lost their mother?

nope.

say a prayer dear friends. I'm leaving for the funeral in about 30 minutes and I plan on taking a xanex in about 15.

The Days of the Week

2010-02-23T13:23:00.003-05:00

When you work in an office the days of the week are very pronounced. People bring attention to what day of the week it is all the time because you know, we're all living for the weekend, a three day weekend especially. The only day that is kind of illusive is Tuesday.

Monday is Monday, we all know about Monday. Wednesday is Hump, pretty much every one knows about Hump Day. Thursday is "almost Friday" and Friday is of course, Friday. But Tuesday is ... what is it? It just isn't anything.

Historically, Tuesday has been my least favorite day of the week. For most people it's Monday and I agree that Monday's generally suck because you know, you have to shove your head back into the box but for me Mondays tend to go by really fast and I don't usually do a ton of work on Mondays. On Mondays I tend to kind of asses what was left from last week and what needs to be done this week. So Tuesday is kind of the "well you gotta stop fucking around now and just do the work" day. Also, it's no where near the end of the week and it doesn't go by fast at all.

A Colleague and I have been pondering what to call Tuesday for a while now and I finally landed on "Tuesday Blues Day". Whenever I see her on a Tuesday we always say it. But today I was thinking about just how negative it is and I spent some time trying to come up with something else to call it, something more positive. I think I've hit it.

Tuesday is now Cruise Day. From now on, every Tuesday I'm going to pretend that my office is actually an ocean liner and I am floating in the Caribbean. I will cast the people in my office as characters in my own Love Boat episode. Cruuuuuuuuuuuise Day. Much more positive.

I hope it sticks.

Happy Cruise Day every one.

This just in!

2010-02-12T12:25:00.002-05:00

Jasper rolled over. He rolls! From his back to his tummy. It's a big deal! A big deal that not only has gone undocumented but initially went unnoticed. Last night Dup yelled out, "he rolled over!" and I said, "did you see him do it?' and Dup was like, "no! I just looked over and he was on his stomach." So basically he did it when no one was looking. There was no other explanation for how he would have gotten on his stomach. The poor little guy hits this major milestone and it's like a tree falling in the woods. He is such the victim of second child syndrome. It would have been impossible for Davey to get away with a major milestone unnoticed because we were ALWAYS WATCHING HIM.

This morning after he was fed and happy I laid Jasper down on his back on his Gymini mat and said, "ok, lets see you do it!" and sure enough, he did it again. This time I saw the whole thing. It was exciting and adorable and Davey was very proud.

In going along with the theme of second-child-syndrome here is a video clip of Davey rolling over. By the time we video tape Jasper doing it he'll be walking. They look a lot alike so just pretend this is Jasper: the roll over

Can't touch this

2010-02-08T16:12:00.005-05:00

We have been MC HAMMERED by viruses this year. It's outrageous. The good thing about it is that it makes the times when we are healthy seem easy. At first it seemed hard, the day to day of life with another child in the mix but now it seems like cake, unless we are sick. Then, it is hell. This last round was pretty bad. Davey and I got really sick and then Jasper got it. Jasper is still sick but he is finally getting better. Davey had to be put on antibiotics because he had ear infections in both ears and crap in his lungs, which is basically the beginning of pneumonia. He's 100% better now though. Thank GOD. Jasper had a little wheeze in his lungs so they sent us home with a nebulizer to do breathing treatments on him. It's basically like an asthma inhaler but since he's too little to know how to suck it in you pour the medicine into this little machine and it sprays it out in a very fine mist which you put in front of his mouth and he inhales it for a while. I'm very glad we had it because there were several times that he broke into a coughing fit and I was extremely concerned that he was unable to get a full breath. There are few things scarier than an infant who can't breathe. Babies are just so damned scary. I have to say, I like it better once they can talk.

Jasper is a very tough little guy though! He's been very good and even though he's feeling horrible, he still flashes us little smiles to let us know he's going to be alright. Thank god we didn't ever have to go to the hospital. I was so afraid that the doctor was going to listen to his lungs and tell us that he has pneumonia and would need to be admitted. THANK GOD no. That didn't happen. He said that Jasper is getting the air that he needs and he's fighting it and will be well soon. He is getting better. He's still sick but we haven't had to use the nebulizer in 2 days and he's sleeping a little better at night, getting up every 90 minutes instead of every 30 minutes. Yes, I am so fucking tired.

Yesterday, Dup stayed home with Jasper and Davey and I went to the zoo. We had such a nice day together just mommy and Davey. His favorite animal was the photo booth which is his rocket ship. We were in there FOREVER. God toddlers love repetition so much. It's unbelievable. Davey is super into little role playing games now and it's very cute but also exhausting. Every night I put Jasper in the bath with me and Davey always wants to get in too so the three of us end up squished into the bath together. Davey has gotten on this kick where we drive to the zoo in the bath. He starts the adventure out by switching every one's roles around. He'll say, "I'm Mommy. You Davey." Then I'll say, "who is Jasper?" and he'll say, "Daddy." and I'll say, "who is Daddy then?" and he says, "Elephant." makes me laugh every time. So Davey drives us to the zoo as me and then he announces, "We're here!" very excitedly and then we have to get a snack which involves me-Davey and Jasper-Daddy knocking on the side of the bathtub wherein Davey-mommy turns into the snack bar attendant. Then we order some broccoli, two juice boxes and a hot dog which we split. Davey-Mommy-Counter attendant offers us mustard, then we're off to see the animals! It's quite an elaborate game.

Yesterday morning Davey wanted to take a bath and I'm never one to deter the boy from bathing so we took a bath and we were playing zoo. Finally I was like, "we need to get out of the bath so we can go to the REAL zoo." and he was like, "NO STAY! GO ZOO!" So I was like, "Ok, we can play one more time but then we need to get out so that we can go to the REAL zoo." So we played one more time and when we got to the part where he goes, "We're here!" For some reason I said, "Where are we?" and he replied, "REAL Zoo!" It was a mind bender.

baby bing

2010-01-27T11:17:00.002-05:00

"Mice are so weird. They’re like humans in rodent costumes."

2010-01-06T16:11:00.005-05:00

I read this little story in the New Yorker last year and it had me laughing so hard that I was crying and slapping my leg. I was reminded of it again today and went and searched for it online and re read it at my desk. It holds up. I think you might have to be a heavy drinker to think this is funny.

you're welcome.

Mantras for 2010

2010-01-04T14:05:00.007-05:00

Work Hard. Love. Appreciate. Enjoy. (in no particular order) I don't want to get fat. I don't want to get sick. (for when I'm about to eat something bad for me) If my children are healthy, I am the richest person in the world. (for when i'm feeling poor) I want for nothing. I want for nothing. I want for nothing... (over and over again for when I forget that I already have every thing I could ever need and start obsessing about something that I want really badly) No Drama. No Drama. No Drama (over and over when I find myself playing out some horrible scene in my mind and want to stop it.)

Hopefully these will help me be a more productive, happier, thinner, more appreciative person with less anxiety. I just have to remember to say them and then believe them when I say them. I do think they are true! I do. It's hard though. You all know that it's hard.

We spent New Years Weekend shut in. Dup has a flu virus. Davey had a cough/fever/ear ache. Eliott must be carried up and down stairs but is doing much better. Jasper is golden. I am resisting but feeling a little congested. I'm hoping it doesn't get much more difficult than this. I just have a lot of anxiety and I'm sort of freaking out. Most of the anxiety comes from fear of Jasper getting sick. It was exactly this time last year that Davey was hospitalized and it was so scary, so horrible, I just can't go back to that place ever again. I just pray and pray and pray that his little angels keep him safe because he is living in a sick house, a germ factory.

The diet is going so so. Since Dup has been sick it has put it on hold. I'm doing pretty well to eat healthy though, especially at work, definitely no sweets. Dup will probably lose some weight because he's eaten nothing but chicken noodle soup and soda crackers for 4 days. Poor Dup. I've been so unsympathetic to him during his illness. He's finally starting to feel better this morning, thank god. I'm just so stressed out and him being sick has pushed me over the edge. I completely lost it on him in the bathroom yesterday morning because he forgot to turn on the humidifier. I was screaming so loud that I'm sure I woke up some neighbors. Ugh.

We're under a lot of pressure right now and it's so easy to look at each other and blame each other for how tired we are, exasperated. I'm hoping we will look back on this time and say, "wow that was the hardest time." I think we will. It's hard enough with an infant, a toddler and a dog, working full time but when your husband is sick and you are dragging and your toddler is sick and the dog can't walk, well it just makes it undealable. i can't deal. TOO MUCH. I think it's getting better. It is. It's getting better...

2010? I believe in you.

Pray for the Beagle

2009-12-31T15:57:00.004-05:00

Well folks we almost made it to 2009 without another major expense slapping us in the face but not quite. On Christmas Day, Eliott injured himself jumping off the bed. We didn't take it too seriously because he's had a slipped disc in his back before and the Vet just gave him some pain meds and it improved. It was a weekend and the Vet didn't open until Tuesday so we delayed bringing him in. So you can imagine our guilt upon discovering on Tuesday night, after taking him the Animal Hospital because he seemed to be getting worse, that he is suffering from a degenerative spine disorder and may need major back surgery that could cost us up to $8,000. They are telling us that if action isn't taken he could become completely paralyzed in his back legs.

We met with the surgeon the next day and she is willing to try giving him steroids for 2 weeks to see if this improves the condition without surgery. This moved the decimal point over one to make the vet bill $800.00 But still, FUCK.

Eliott is our first born but he has a lot of issues. He has always been high maintenance and now with 2 kids, he is often what pushes us over the edge into insanity stress wise. But he's our baby and he's very very very close with Dup. Dup will not consider putting him down. Will not even entertain the idea. Ultimately I agree with him. We can't do it. We would never forgive ourselves. But I can't tell you that I didn't entertain the idea...

He's at a tricky age. He's 8. So he could have another 4-6 good years left. On the good side, we would lose him before the kids get too attached. I mean losing the family dog when the kids are 6 and 8 years old? How do you spell "shit storm"? Oh, I think it's S H I T S T O R M. Yeah, I wouldn't mind avoiding that one. But on the bad side of letting him go now, he'd be gone and we will miss him too much to explain here.

We've already decided. We're going to save the beagle. Even if we have to finance $8,000 we will save the fucking beagle.

For $8,000 I could get redo my kitchen.

I could get fake boobs AND a chemical peel.

I told Dup that if we do go ahead with the surgery we should ask them to remove his vocal chords while they're at it.

Yes, I am going to hell.

We love you Eliott. We are glad you're here. Please stay.

I said stay! Get back here! (damn dog)

2009-12-28T10:52:00.006-05:00

And there it is, the holidays are over. I'm back at work and it will be a quiet week so I can catch my breath and write a proper blog entry. My boss is out. The other big boss is out and another person that I support is out. I have a lot to catch up on but it's only Monday, so there is time to write.

We had a great Christmas up at my mom's. Dup's dad came out and I brought my Grammy up there too. Davey got a Lightning McQueen scooter and a Go Diego Go trike. Both are bright plastic, made in China and bought at Wallmart. He loves them. He also got a Diego toothbrush, Diego Bandaids, Diego Matchbox Cars.... did you know that you can buy any thing that exists in either the Diego or Dora brand? It's true! Go to Target and see for yourself. I bought Dup a pack of "Go Diego Go" condoms. Outrageous.

Condoms is right my friends because 3 children we will not be having. People keep asking me, "are you going to go for your girl?" and my response is, "and have 3 boys?" No way Jose. I'm so thrilled to have my two little dudes that there are no words. Last night I put myself to bed with "The Land of Nod" catalog which is porn for middle class parents. I can not afford anything in this catalog but they had the most adorable bunk beds and I loved imaging Davey and Jasper sleeping like that in the same room. When they are old enough, I'd like to do that and have the other room as a play room/guest room. We'll see what they want to do when it comes time.

I do think that Davey will transition into a toddler bed soon. He hasn't climbed out of his crib yet but I know that he could if he tried and he keeps swinging his leg up as if to do it. I guess he just hasn't given it a go yet. Time will tell.

Jasper is getting SO CUTE. He's over his baby acne and he's super chubby and smiles all the time and sometimes he gets really excited and seems to be laughing, although he's not completely belly laughing yet. Davey is so sweet with him still. He really likes him, which touches a very deep place in my soul. Last night, Jasper was lying on his Gymini Playmat with the little toys hanging down and Davey crawled in there with him so they were both laying on their backs looking up at the animals. I was worried at first, that Davey was going to hurt him but then he started showing Jasper the Cow and telling him, "Cow, mooo. Cow Jaxspur. Cow mooo." And Jasper just looks up at him like he is a God. It was so damn cute.

Dup has a break from school but at the same time Davey is on a break from Daycare so he has both boys every day. Luckily I've had short weeks. It's a lot! There's very little rest for the Dupster.

I've been having ego twingey moments about my lost life as an actor. I kind of thought I was "over" it but I've been reminded that life is cyclical and you never get "over" things like this you just get through them and learn to greet them in a more mature way. A strange thing triggered it for me and then there was another thing that blew it wide open and now my ego is really torn and battered and needs some healing.

So the first thing was; I was reading an article in the New Yorker about this guy who does accent work for Hollywood. He's the dialect guru. It was an interesting story about his career and the work he does. The whole time I was reading it I was going, "oh my god I want to do that." Not what the dialect coach was doing, what the actors were doing. I was thinking, "I want to study a character. I want to do an accent. I can do this. I have an ear for this. If I was given an opportunity to do this. I could do this." That little voice was louder than it had been in a long time and it shocked me a little. It was actually nice to hear, nice to know that it's in there somewhere. Talent? Then this other thing happened...

It's been a running theme in my office career that I am involved in you know, whatever creative activity might be happening because of my creative background. I'm typically the designated party planner, etc. I've spoken here before about my success at my last company with the holiday party entertainment and how that basically turned me into an office celebrity. So this year my boss was asked to give a speech at the company party, which is a huge party that our parent company throws, bringing together several smaller companies that operate under their umbrella, so it's like 250 people that attend. So instead of giving a speech she decides that she wants our Junior Analysts to do a rap. Yes a rap. They are all super erudite and not natural performers and I'm thinking this is a horrible idea but of course I'm like, "oh yes Ms. boss of mine, this is a brilliant idea!" Then she puts me in charge of making sure it doesn't suck.

In the end they decide to do a poem instead, which I think is a much better idea and easier to pull off. They end up each writing a verse set to "Twas the Night Before Christmas" it's topical and charming and I worked with them on their delivery. The best part was one of the Jr. Analysts is from China and his English is really bad so his verse was super crazy and didn't rhyme and sounded like this GENIUS haiku thing that no one ever could have written if they were trying to be funny but it's really really funny. I convinced him to scream it at the top of his lungs and it was pretty hilarious. I warned them that people on the perimeter of the room might be talking and that they would hear that and to just power through it but when it came time to do it at the party the "audience" wouldn't stop at all. The woman Emceeing was horrible and couldn't get them back. I wanted to jump up and tell every one to shut the fuck up but I felt it would be inappropriate... so it kind of ended up sucking and the poor kids were disappointed because we had worked so hard on it. The next day I asked my boss if we could do a repeat performance of it on the trading floor and she was like, "sure!" I thought this second go would really bring the house down because they would be less nervous and every one could hear. I had the idea that I would introduce them and really get the room focused and rooting for them....

Well it all went to shit. First of all, when it came time to do it I was running around getting people to come watch and they just started without me before I could introduce them. They just launched into it and half the room was not paying attention. Second, one of the Jr. Analysts initially told me he didn't want to do it because of stage fright and I told him no problem, sit it out. I don't like to pressure people who have legitimate stage fright to perform because guess what, they suck and they make everyone stare at the ground and wish they were dead. So guess what happens. He had secretly written a verse and he jumps into the performance without telling me. I had no chance to work with him so you could barely hear what he was saying, he tripped over his words, he was looking at the ground and his hand was shaking. All of the other performers had theirs memorized, heads up, loud voices, all the stuff I had coached them on. Anyway, he ruined the whole thing and everyone was so embarrassed for him and he glared at me afterwards. As if I had put him up to it! Then they all publicly thanked me for all of the hard work I did on it. So every one thought I had put him up to it. Horrible.

I wanted to die. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT. If I can not nail the office Christmas party then what the fuck? It's a sad day in Hilaryland when I can not nail the stupid ass office Christmas party.

So I've been running that piece of shit over and over in my mind for the past 2 weeks and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

I think it's serving a purpose though because it's made me want to get back on the horse. Not the office Christmas party horse, although yes, I WILL need to redeem myself next year, but the acting horse. Not anytime soon but one day, I feel like one day I want to... I don't know, do something. Take improv classes probably or something. It seems like the most logical window to enter back through. I'm not saying I want to try and be a working actor. I'm definitely over that idea. I just want to exercise the muscle. I think it's necessary for me to do it in order to feel like whole person. Like the person God intended me to be.

Wow. Deep.

Dup and I are going on the South Beach diet after the New Year. It's the only diet I've ever tried that really makes sense to me in that it's basically like, "eat healthy and exercise." Smart huh?
We both need to lose about 15lbs of stomach fat. Wish us luck.

That's all I've got for now. Above are 2 photos we took at Thanksgiving.

From one of Davey's books...

2009-12-18T13:40:00.003-05:00

"Where does the world end?" asked the little mole.

The whale replied, "End? I have swum in this ocean all my life and I have never seen an end."

rebooting my mental computer

2009-12-15T17:45:00.004-05:00

A month! I try not to go a month but I know you understand. Here is a free write on my current state and a photo of Jasper at 5 weeks. He's going to his 2 month appt. tomorrow. 2 months already, yes. Time does pass.

Throw up, throw up, throw up. projectile vomiting. davey sick. omg is it h1n1 stay home from work first day back but he's ok. dup sick too but he's ok jasper ok thank god pray for jasper not to get sick. i have a sinus infection. no sleep. if not one then the other. jasper a doll. wake up only 1x 2 nights in a row. work weird to be back but like i never left. every one nice. peer review positive hopefully will get full bonus even though not here last 2 months. temp left me a ton of fucking work to do but i should thank her because my boss hated her and tells me 10x a day she is so glad i am back. phew. davey getting a diego trike for x-mas from grammy and dino toys from grandpa and we're doing his stocking. deron working hard. lots of plagiarizing. it makes him mad. he does have some good students though. holiday party at work on thursday. thank god i can drink and thank god i have to leave early so i won't get drunk. thank god for coffee. drinking lots of caffine to stay awake. i always get sick when not enough sleep. this is only temporary. jasper is already in his own room. it's good for my sleep but sometimes i worry and want him to sleep by me because he's a sweet baby. davey loves jasper and is more interested now that he is smiling and coos. jasper lights up like a firefly when davey talks to him. i do think they will be good friends. all in all we are happy but we are exhausted. all i can think about sometimes is painting the walls in our condo but when to do it? no time. no time to paint. i want to scrub the grout on the tile in the bathrooms with bleach and a tooth brush. every time i look at it i want to do it but no time for that. going today after work to get davey and deron h1n1 vaccinations at a walk in clinic. pediatrician and reg doc don't have it. i was vaccinated by my mom at her medical office because i'm a breastfeeding mom. jasper too young to vaccinate. i was hedging on getting it but after davey got sick this last time it scared me. jasper could die if he got it. so we're high risk. i don't think every one should get it but we should. so that's my night tonight. i have about 2 tons of expense reports to file before the end of the week. it's so boring i could shoot myself.

but i won't.

not sleeping

2009-11-12T04:25:00.003-05:00

I have a horrible cough. I never get insomnia but here I am typing a blog entry at 1:25am. As soon as I get sleepy enough to stop coughing and lay down I'm sure Jasper will wake up or Davey will, they are working together in a plot to destroy me.

I am very tired and I've gotten sick because of it but besides that things are going very well, not without major challenges but very well. Jasper is a doll and I'm more in love with him every day. He has hair color that I would kill to recreate in a salon. He smiles in his sleep. It's so so so nice to be home with my guys. The mornings are crazy, even with two of us. Getting out of the house is a gargantuan task involving 2 diaper bags fully stocked and apocalypse ready. Poor Eliott is getting even fewer long walks but the 3 times we've attempted to go out as a family have proven to be not fun for anyone involved. With the dog, we are out numbered...

Davey is doing well but he's been through it, is still... going through it. He started day care in September, has been fighting the same cough I have for 2 months, those little day care kiddos just keep giving it back to each other. The adjustment to day care has been tough. And then the little brother arrived to great fan fare and Davey was so excited... for about 3 days. Now he is still very sweet with Jasper. I do think that they are kindred spirits destined for friendship. It's just that Davey can't see that the baby will eventually get bigger and be able to DO things, like play with him for instance. Right now all the baby is doing is sucking on mommy's boobies and laying in mommy's lap and demanding a lot of mommy's attention and that is very upsetting to Davey. Poor dearheart. He sits on the couch by himself, waiting for me to finish feeding Jasper, "mommy holdyou" he says all the time which means that he wants me to hold him. He says "holdyou" because I say, "do you want me to hold you?" So he just calls being held, "holdyou." He is a sweet boy and my heart is breaking that he feels rejected by me. It is the worst feeling. BUT he will survive. In the end it's all good for him but for now it's a lot.

Dup and I are doing good. We had a rocky start with a lot of fighting in the first week of Jasper's arrival. We were a little cocky going into it I think, been there, done that and we didn't check in before hand on some major issues, which caused both of us to go to the most familiar bad places in our relationship. This mainly consists of me going into action/attack mode and him going into checking out/going inward mode. Some good talks helped pull us through it. Dup is being awesome and he's working really hard, waking up at 5am with Davey, making meals, cleaning the kitchen, walking the dog, packing diaper bags, playing with Davey, distracting Davey, rocking Jasper, getting us through the day. Then when we all go to bed at 7:30pm, he goes up stairs and does his online teaching gig. I am very grateful to him.

The holidays are around the corner and I go back to work the first week in December. My mom is coming this weekend and then Dup's dad is coming the next weekend and then the next weekend is Thanksgiving and then I have one more weekend and then.... work. That's where the real challenge will present itself. It will present itself to all of us but mostly to Dup. God please be with my husband. The phrase, "how are you going to do this by yourself?" is bandied about several times a day.

Ok, back to bed to cough and keep Dup up and wake up the baby. I'm so worried about Jasper getting sick but they say that the breast milk should protect him since it's not passing along the virus but it does pass along the antibodies to protect him against it. So in a way, it's almost good that I got sick so that I could provide protection for Jasper against the crap that Davey is bringing home from Daycare. I should probably breast feed Dup so that he doesn't get it. I'm sure he wouldn't object. The girls have never looked better and I'm sorry to say that they never will again. Breast augmentation costs like 6-7 thousand I think? We could redo our kitchen with that kind of dough. I mean, it's just never going to happen.

I'll leave you with that. More later hopefully. There's so much to write about. I'm just so tired... xo!

NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE

2009-10-21T12:27:00.003-04:00

And loving it.

Jasper Dean Ketchum Bos
Born Tuesday, October 13th at 6:39am.
8lbs, 21 inches

The labor was induced and went really well. So much easier than last time. Davey is being so sweet with his baby brother but also having a really hard time with losing his mommy's full attention. He will be ok but it's heartbreaking too.

More later. Here is the link to Dup's flickr page with more family photos and a few more of Jasper.

xo & YAY!!!!

you must be wondering...

2009-09-16T10:42:00.007-04:00

if I'm in labor or something. I am huge and I feel like it could happen at any moment but really, I have 4 weeks to go until my due date. 4 weeks and 3 days to be exact and yes, I am counting. At my last doctor appt. last week I was not dilated at all and he has not dropped down at all either. I was so sure that they were going to say something like, "are you ready to have this baby today?" You hear those stories... but nope! I shouldn't want him to come now. I feel like he would be 100% fine if he came now but he's not even considered full term for another week. We want him to stay in and develop those lungs so that he can come out breathing fully on his own and we can take him home in 2 days with no complications. I keep having to remind myself of this. He may not be ready yet. BUT I AM READY AND I AM THE MOMMY!!!!

When the Galivanting Monkey was about where I am now with her pregnancy she drew this picture of herself as a huge inflated ball with a fork sticking out of her. The caption read, "not in fact, done.... inconceivable" that is how I feel.

He's measuring about 2 weeks ahead they tell me. They guestimate, based on his measurements that he is about 6.5 lbs, this was last week, he could be 39lbs by now. Really though, I think I'm looking at at least another 2 weeks, maybe more and I think I'm looking at having about a 9lb baby. Jesus lord help me please!

The doctor will most likely not let me go past my due date which is October 17th and for this I am glad because I have not interest in going past my due date. I would prefer not to be induced however because it involves taking drugs that make contractions hurt even more than they normally hurt and they hurt quite enough already thank you very much.

My birth plan this time around is to try and labor at home for as long as possible then go to the hospital, see where I'm dialated to, try and make it to at least 6 cm and then get the epidural. If things are progressing very quickly, as they often do with #2 and I think I can do it without the epidural then I will try and do that. We will just have to see. I'm definitely going to be less stubborn about getting the epidural this time though.

So we're close! But it could still be a while. Check here for updates. One really great thing is that we got the baby's room all set up last weekend. It's all painted and curtains hung and crib set up and furniture in place and clothes hanging in the closet and folded in the drawers and little toys sitting on the book case. It's cute people. It's very cute. I'm just waiting for a poster to come back from the framers and then I'll snap a little photo and show you.

Davey is going to day care. He started 2 weeks ago but it's been stop and start partly because of the labor day holiday and partly because he's been sick. All in all though, so far, knock on wood, it's going really well. Dup went with him the whole day on the first day and the second day Dup stayed for a bit and left Davey on his own. The teacher said that he asked for Dup whenever they transitioned from room to room but that he was easily distracted and engaged in play very quickly. She also said that she can understand him very well, which was so nice to hear because I've been worried about that. How will he communicate his needs? Will he know who to go to if he needs something? But he's definitely identified the teacher very quickly. Today he is going a full day on his own which means he will be taking a nap there, theoretically. I will pick him up on my way home at 3:30pm. I'm really looking forward to that because I haven't been able to go at all with him and it will be nice to be able to meet his teacher and have Davey show me around, etc. I've seen the place several times of course when we were choosing it but not since he's been going so it will be nice for him to be able to show me.

I have to get back to work but before I go I wanted to give a shout out to my sistah Jena Cane, who I just found out has been battling CANCER (jesus fucking christ) for the past 3 months. She HAD B-cell non-Hodgkins lymphoma in her lymph system and follicular lymphoma in her bone marrow, whatever the fuck that means, sounds like pure insanity but I stress the HAD because she's been undergoing Chemo and her last scan showed no cancer. GONE.

If you know Jena, or even if you don't, please say a big prayer for her so that she stays cancer free forever and ever. We love this girl too much to even entertain the idea of anything less. Here is a link to her website if you want to hear more about her story and how she is doing:
Jena's Website

File under: Baby, Day Care, Cancer.

Now if that's not the spitting image of Dup....

2009-08-14T15:56:00.003-04:00

I don't know what is. Look at that profile? This child is going to look just like his daddy I swear.

So I'm 31 weeks tomorrow but I found out that he's measuring about 2 weeks ahead of schedule so there is a chance that we'll go early, hopefully naturally but possible by being induced. I would prefer that we don't have to get induced but I would also prefer not to give birth to a giant baby. I'm trying to keep my head up, remain positive, keep my sunny side of the street perspective on but I have to admit it's becoming more difficult. I'm like a mamma cat. I just want to crawl under the house and wait. I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything and any time something is asked of me it just seems huge. I have to intellectualize everything because if I stuck with my emotions I would be a complete wreck.

I am getting very very excited though. Truly! It just seems far and it's not. It's very close. 9 weeks. Maybe less. That's not a long time. Right?

I need to go through all of his clothes this weekend. That will help. Get that set up. We have everything ready to go, room painted, it just needs to be set up and put in order. I've gotten just about everything for free except our double stroller, which I bought today with the help of my mom and a friend at work who insisted on chipping in. It's a fantastic stroller and I can't wait to ride in it.

Everything else was either given to us or lent to us by someone. I'm talking Bassinet, Portable Crib, Full Sized Crib, dresser w/Changing table, Infant Car Seat, Swing, Excersaucer, Jumparoo and about 4 sacks of really great baby boy clothes, like garbage sacks full. CRAZY!! Very lucky. Very fortunate. Thanks to every one who donated your gently used items to our very worthy cause. This poor child will not know a new thing in his entire life.

I did buy a used baby sling off craigslist and now, the stroller new but compared to the craziness of stuff we got for Davey, it's been a very frugal affair.

Oh and yesterday I bought some bottles. So really the only thing left to buy is new born diapers. Crazy Town. We're ready.

I do have to make the curtains for his room. Did I show you the fabric? We're definitely going with Cowboy theme and here's what the curtains are going to be: CURTAIN FABRIC LINK

Isn't that A-dorable? Yes, boys stuff can be cute. Not as cute but still cute.

9 weeks. Lord give me strength!

what's been going on?

2009-08-06T13:03:00.002-04:00

So much has happened. Davey turned 2 years old on July 27th. We went up to my mom's house to celebrate. He got a balance bike w/helmet, a Curious George Back pack with matching lunch box, a Buzz Doll and a Woody Doll from Toy Story (he's partial to Buzz, go figure). He got a monkey b-day cake, which he loved. We took him to this little water park by my mom's and had a nice day. They have a huge toddler area with lots of little pint size slides. Davey's cousins played with him all day and he had a blast. Now he's 2! If you ask Davey how old he is he will immediately respond, "two!" But if you don't want your vision of him as a genius to be shattered then don't ask him what his name is right after that because it gets the same response, "two!" He loves to do this because it gets a laugh every time. He's starting to figure out how to make us laugh and the power that goes along with that, which I love of course. Any time he does something intentionally funny, that's definitely when I'm the most proud. That is, if it's actually funny. If he tries to be funny and no one laughs, I spank him and lock him in his room.

Another really fun thing was that our Thursday playgroup threw Davey a little impromptu b-day party complete with presents and cupcakes. It was so cute. All of the kids were so sweet to him. Then in a crazy twist of fate, right in the middle of our little gathering the Fire Department showed up to do a drill in our complex. They were training a new fire fighter. So all of the kids swarmed around the truck and the Sergeant was so cool. He talked to them, explained what they were doing and why, let them touch the truck and then he told them to stand back and where they could sit to watch. Then the fire fighters did this whole mock fire in front of us, in full gear, running with the hoses and everything. The kids just sat there positively stunned, eyes big as pizzas. What is it with little kids and fireman? They LOVE THEM. One of the older little girls, like 7 said, "Oh my gosh, I can barely breathe!" It was so hilarious. So what an awesome addition to Davey's little play date b-day party. So fun.

What else, we got a new couch. We can't afford it but we did it anyway. We had to get it. Our old one was really a luv seat and we couldn't all sit on it together and it was just horrible. I cashed out part of a 401k I have sitting at an old job and just bought it. I told Dup, "I'm just buying this couch we have to." and he just said, "fine." You know it's bad when Dup agrees to something like cashing out a 401k. The new couch is awesome. It was cheap but it's new and it looks great in the space, fits great and most importantly fits us. We are so happy.

What else? I'm fucking pregnant as hell people. When people ask me when my due date is now, instead of saying, "October Seventeenth", I say, "10 weeks and one day." Tomorrow I can say 10 weeks and on Saturday I will be 30 weeks, so I can say "nine weeks and six days." Once I get down into the single digits, I think that will help. It will seem manageable. October? I can't even say the word. It's just too far away... BUT, it will be here. Yes it will come. Time always moves forward. The moment always arrives. I'm very excited, very, very excited to meet this little dude living in my belly and kicking the crap out of me 10 minutes out of every hour. Last night was comical he was kicking me so hard. I think he wants out. I keep telling him that if he wants to come a couple of weeks early, that's fine by me. I could go for a nice little 6-7 pounder this time! Thank you very much. But stay in there a little while longer, at least 6 more weeks and then, whenever you're ready!

Craigslist Winner

2009-07-30T12:31:00.004-04:00

We're selling our couch on craigslist. I placed this ad:

This couch has served us very well but we need something bigger in our new space. It's really more like a love seat, 66 " across, fits 2 people comfortably. The arms are a bit worn but it has no tears and the cushion covers are machine washable. It folds out into a double bed. The matress is quite comfortable. We can not deliver. Pick up only. We live on the second floor so there is one flight of stairs to go down. It will take 2 people to carry. Serious inquiries only please! Thanks.

I received this inquiry today:

Hi! I saw your listing on Craiglist and am interested in the sleeper couch. What is the condition of the couch and would it be able to fit into a regular honda accord car? Thanks!

Will it fit into a Honda Accord? Um, nooooooo because it's a couch you IDIOT!

We actually sold it pretty quickly. The guy is picking it up today (knock on wood). He will be bringing a friend and a van, not a sedan.

Before and After

2009-07-07T12:26:00.005-04:00

I feel like Nell Carter.

2009-07-01T11:36:00.004-04:00

If it's not one thing it's another in this life but this year has been especially grabby with any extra money we happen to have laying around. We just asked Dup's dad for a loan to cover Davey's day care expenses for next year (very hard thing for Dup to do, thank you Dup). He graciously agreed to lend us the money and I kid you not, 24 hours later our fucking car needs a new transmission and it's going to cost about half of the money we just borrowed from him.

It hurts man. It just hurts. It just feels like this year has been crazy with the unexpected expenses. We had to pay a bunch of money for Davey's hospital bill in January, insurance only covers 10% plus we had to pay the deductible... there are other things but I just can't even list them. It's too boring.

God this post is boring. But we all deal with it. Money problems, money worries. It causes a lot of worry and most of the hard work that we do in this life is to avoid that worry.

I come from a long line of people who are horrible with money. My people are the buy on credit and worry about it later kind of people but Dup is the opposite. He comes from a long line of the cheapest people on the planet. That's another way of saying that Dup is very good with money. He plans, he makes spreadsheets, he reads self help books and money blogs and he has cleaned up my act. I'm so grateful. He helped get me out of debt. He cleaned up my credit. It's a great feeling. What is a horrible feeling is working my fucking ass off, being dead tired at the end of the day and not having any extra spending money at all to show for it.

We bought a condo this year. We knew it was going to be tight for a while, probably at least 5-6 years we would struggle to make payments and then we bought 2 cars and then we got pregnant. So what the fuck did we think was going to happen? All of these things are just money magnets. They all hold potential for sudden high cost hits to the old bank account.

We sat down about 2 weeks ago and crunched all of the numbers and it's just tight and we both have jobs. So many people are losing their jobs right now. If we lost ours we'd be totally fucked. Oh Universe. Please Universe, don't hear that and laugh. We get it Universe. You can do whatever you want. We respect that. We honor that. You are every powerful. Now please. Please. Just knock it off for a while ok? Can you just hold off until 2010 at least? Just give us a small break. We're trying to be good. We're trying to play by the rules and it just feels like slings and arrows sometimes.

Ultimately we are going to be fine. We'll figure it out. Somehow, it will work out. I'm just so tired of the subject and how it seems like all my husband and I talk about is money. What a cliche. If you look at it from another direction, we are rich beyond our wildest dreams. So I'll shut up now. I just hope that we can get a little break for a while.

Thanks.

joyful

2009-06-24T12:34:00.002-04:00

I was inspired by Shanti Town to make a list of things that bring me joy and make me grateful to be alive.

Sitting at my desk and wishing that I could have another cup of decaf even though I know I shouldn't and then realizing that I never drank it and it's sitting right there and then drinking it and it's delicious.

My little toddler saying, "mama, dada, mama, dada, mama." because he sometimes blurs us into one entity.

Asking my little toddler for a kiss and having him pull out his binky and plant a big wet one on me. I don't care that it messes up my lipstick and I don't wipe off his slobber because I want it just to dry on my face so that I can carry little particles of him around with me all day long.

My mom sending me text photos while I'm at work of my toddler playing naked in my grammy's backyard with his cousins just like I used to.

Knowing that while I'm at work, my husband is taking care of our toddler, especially when he burns his little hand.

Sharing every silly little thing my toddler does with my husband because I know he cares about every silly little thing.

The sun shine the sun shine the sun shine. 75 degrees and sunny most of the time. why doesn't every one live here? Oh yeah earthquakes, drought, fires, traffic and housing prices. All totally worth it people!

Finally finishing painting my kitchen. Maybe some small progress is happening after all? I need to post before and after photos.

Feeling my little baby kick at me from inside my belly. I feel like a Jiffy Pop. Omg. do they still make Jiffy Pop? it's the best! I feel like a popcorn maker.

Galivanting Monkey had her baby! Fred is here. She pushed that baby out, dear god. What a champion. They don't call her the Wizard for nothing.

I'll stop there. I should do this more often. Of course, now there's something that is causing me anxiety that I need to share with you. Every one I know who is pregnant is having a boy and now I'm afraid that someone is going to name their baby boy our baby boy's name. I'm trying to talk Dup into letting me tell the pregnant people the baby's name so that it won't happen but he won't budge. The name we have picked is fairly uncommon but gaining popularity and you know, it's just the power of the collective unconscious. It's impossible to have an original thought in your brain. I'm not thinking it "WE" are thinking it. It's NUTZ. Since we've decided on the name I've heard of some people naming their babies this name and even one person who named their dog this name and now I'm completely anxiety ridden over it. I'm mostly afraid that the woman who lives in our condo complex who is 3 weeks ahead of me is going to use it, even though it's very unlikely considering her taste and ours is very different. I didn't have this anxiety with Davey's name because his name is so common but it's funny because now it's so popular to name your child something unusual that his name has become much less common. We were signing him up for his day care and the teacher asked me what his name is and I said, "David" and she said, "Oh how unusual!" I was like, "what?" She said, "no one names their child David anymore." Which I thought was so funny. She's right too. If you look at the cubbies with all of the kids names it's like, Miles, Riley, Cougar, Addison, Aidan, Aidan, Aidan. Every kid is named Aidan these days. Must be from Sex and the City. Anyway...

I would like to make a plea to the universe to remove my baby's name from the collective consciousness of just the people 1 degree away from me. Anyone else can have it, I'm not delusional. I just don't want our neighbor to have it.

I need to just make my mind blank when I'm around pregnant people but I'm like Dan Akroid in Ghost Busters when he accidentally thinks of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

Davey at the park

2009-06-23T14:09:00.002-04:00

window guards

2009-06-08T15:53:00.011-04:00

We have a set of very steep concrete stairs leading up to the landing outside of our condo. 15 steps. I've been working with Davey to practice walking up and down the steps on his own, while I hold his hand, vs. me carrying him up and down. I'm hoping that he'll be able to do it expertly but the time we have the baby and he's been making progress but on Saturday we were walking down the steps and he slipped from my hand and fell about 3 steps before falling into the side railing. I started screaming, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD." And when he stopped falling I whisked him up and carried him down to sit on the bench at the bottom of the stairs and assess his injuries which consisted of a badly scraped knee. As soon as I realized he was ok I burst into tears. "God that really scared me." I told Dup. And I'm crying again as I type this. I'm still shaken by it.

Since Davey has been born he's been hospitalized and had a seizure, he's cracked his head open and gotten stitches, I've locked him in the car with the windows rolled up. All of these things were really scary. Something about watching him fall though, not knowing in that instant if he would stop, knowing that I couldn't get to him faster than gravity was pulling him, scared the shit out of me.

As parents we have to face the fear of the absolute worst thing that could happen, the loss of your child. It is amazing to me that there are people walking around on this earth with this having happened to them. This has actually happened to them. They are many, many people who have lived through this. Dear God I do not want to be one of them. Please God, Please. Not me.

I know that it's not good to live a life in fear and yet you can't be oblivious to the dangers, you must take precautions and be preventative and follow your gut instincts but (and I've asked this question before on this blog recently) are they insticts or is it paranoia?

I know that it's not good to live a life in fear but sometimes it's the fear of losing something that reminds us how valuable what we have actually is. I wish that weren't true. I wish we could know it without the fear.

Like anything else, it's a balancing act.

I've always liked the Jewish Holiday of Passover because it's all about knowing what you have when you have it. Appreciating your life because you know it may not always be like this. It hasn't always been this good. The Jews know a little bit about suffering I guess.

I think it's the secret to life really: knowing what you have when you have it. I saw a production of Our Town recently and I've been thinking about that play a lot lately and that's what it's saying as well. This is your life. Be awake to it while you're living it.

I love my life. My life is perfect and wonderful. I love spending time with my little baby even though I'm tired a lot. I love spending time with my husband and living in our condo and taking walks and making meals but I rarely sit and contemplate it. I'm always working toward something, cleaning or cooking or painting. When I sit it's because I'm so exhausted I can't do any more. How often am I awake? Do we need fear and terror to wake us up? I think we probably do but I wish we didn't.

I don't want to live in fear of something happening to Davey. I want to be brave for him and for myself. I want to enjoy the time I have with him because no matter how long we both live, it will end one day. It's impossible to live each day as if it were our last and I hate that saying because it's ridiculous but how do we stay awake and live without fear? It's not easy.

I keep saying that I can't wait until the kids are both a little older and it's true I look forward to them both getting to be about 4-5 because you can start to do so much more like go camping and ride bikes and not worry about them falling down the stairs or falling out a window. But it's horrible isn't it? To wish them into the future like that! It's truly horrible. I know I will look back on this time and miss it. I'll miss Davey being a crazy little toddler with red hair and 36 words who resembles and little monkey, troll, alien. He's so absolutely hilarious and cute it's unreal. I'll miss having a newborn and how extremely tiny they are and their little sleeping breath on your chest when you hold them. It will be really fun to go camping and ride bikes but I can't wish this away for us. This time is too valuable, to wonderful in and of itself.

It's all going to disappear one day. I know all too well from losing my dad in an instant and having a hole ripped in the space time continuum of our close knit family that it can happen any time. It's in the back of your mind but you can't let the fear of it grip you. It's a tricky thing.

We have large window in each room of our house, including the kid's rooms and the sills are just about 2 feet off the ground on the inside and it's about a 20 foot drop to the ground outside, which is concrete. Davey could easily climb out at this point. My cousin pointed it out to me when she was visiting yesterday and so of course, last night I had a dream that Davey fell out the window. I've been upset about it all day. They sell window guards on line which are basically just bars, you screw bars into the window sills on the inside of the windows so that they can't climb or fall out. There are 3 windows in particular that worry me but there are 5 total and it would be like $100 a window to put the guards on all of them. It's $500 plush tax and shipping that I would really really really really really rather not spend. I'd really really really really really really rather buy a new couch with that money.

What price do you put on peace of mind? Would these window guards take the fear away or would I just find something else to replace it with. Is there something else I could do to baby proof the windows? I'm not sure.

AAAAhhhhhhh. I'll keep you posted.

out of the woods

2009-06-02T15:08:00.004-04:00

I had my 20 week anatomy scan yesterday and all went well. Tiny baby was moving all around and everything looks great. It's definitely a boy. So we can move forward with the cowboy themed nursery although Dup is now voting for surfer theme. I'll keep you posted on the final outcome of this important topic.

We were supposed to do some painting last weekend but things got pushed back due to very unfortunate circumstances. Deron's dear grandmother was killed in a car accident last week and we flew out to Michigan to attend her funeral. We're really glad we went but it was a really hard trip on all of us, Dup especially. Dup said some words at the ceremony which were apparently very wonderful and moving, I wasn't able to hear them because Davey started shouting, "Da da! Da da!" over and over again when he got up there and I had to take him out. It's a lot to ask of a toddler to sit in a car and then and airplane and then a car and then sleep in a strange place and then sit through a funeral and then get up and do it backwards the next day. So it was really hard on Davey too but he was a champ about it. I was basically cranky the entire time but supportive nonetheless and tried not to complain. Dup had to work while we were there too which meant doing telemarketing calls in the bathroom of the hotel room with the ironing board as a desk while Davey and I slept. What a trooper.

Dup was close to his Grandma. She was a very strong woman and she adored him. She was 91 years old but really healthy and of sound mind. It's a total shame she had to go the way she did. You would think that your prize for living that long would be to die in your sleep. I was really hoping we could get out to see her this coming Thanksgiving so that she could meet the new baby and see Davey. The one thing that I like to think about is that she's with the new baby now in heaven and she'll make sure that he makes his journey to earth safely before she moves on to where she's going. That's what I like to imagine.

It's been a hard couple of years for the Bos family, first losing Dup's mom and now his grandmother. I told his cousins, "we need to stop meeting at funerals."

I will post a photo of the tiny baby's profile later. He looks just like Dup. Also his feet = Dup's feet. This baby is going to be all Bos, I'm certain of it.

WTF!!!!!!!!

2009-05-21T12:32:00.003-04:00

middleamericanhomophobicassholes!!!

I can not believe Adam didn't win.

It's such a fucking joke.

He will outsell Kris in the end though, for sure.

go Adam

2009-05-20T10:31:00.005-04:00

My boss is out today for an event I helped organize in Chicago. It's starting now. Well supposed to start two minutes ago but I'm sure they haven't started yet. So I'm just sitting at my desk waiting for enough time to pass before I can go down and get some breakfast. Today I get a free breakfast. We get free lunch here every day, awesome money saving perk, but you can use your lunch money for breakfast if you want and when one of my colleagues who travels a lot is not in the office he lets me use his lunch money to buy breakfast. Today I'm getting a breakfast burrito and a banana. Delicious.

I just felt the baby move a little. He must have grown a millimeter in the last 3 days because I'm definitely feeling him more consistently. YAY YAY YAY. It's such a relief every time I feel him move. I still have to wait 12 more days before I get to see him again in person. I'm going in on June 1st for my 20 week anatomy scan. I'm definitely feeling more positive though and I even bought him a cute little poster to go in his room. It felt good to buy him something, like I was pulling him into this reality a little. Cute little guy.

Davey has started doing this funny thing where when he wants something he does his best to try and communicate what he wants with the words he has plus grunts and gestures and then once you guess the thing that he wants he tries to make is sound like it was your idea by saying, "K!" He's shortening "okay" and putting this inflection on it like, "what a great idea, I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself, let's do it right away!"

For instance last night he was sitting on my lap watching Toy Story and he started pointing to the kitchen longingly and saying, "ca ca. ca ca" and I said, "Oh, you want me to go get you a cookie?" and he said, "K!" Like its a done deal! It's a very tricky maneuver because it makes us laugh every time and then we usually do it. I for instance, got him the cookie but once he finished and asked for another one I didn't fall into his trap a second time. I was born on a Sunday but it wasn't last Sunday.

Dup has been working like a Dog. He watches Davey all day then I walk in the door at 3:30pm and he walks the dog and then shuts himself into our bedroom and starts making his calls. He stays there until 8:30pm and then he works on his University of Phoenix training until about midnight. Then he goes to bed and Davey wakes up at 5:30am and he does it all over again. This is a temporary situation mind you. The Phoenix training goes on for the rest of this week and next week and then he'll get a break. The first job is a telemarketing gig he got. It's not so bad because he can do it from home and he doesn't have to do cold calls. It's something the people have already signed up for. In addition to all of this on his 2 off days a week he has been rehearsing for a reading of one of his plays that is going up tonight. Dup is tired. I am proud of him though for working so hard! Thank you Daddy Dup for supporting your family. We'll be glad when we get to see more of him though. It was tough financially when he wasn't working but it was sure nice having him around.

The season finale of American Idol is tonight. It's got to be Adam! I watched last night and he was great. Chris is a cutie but Adam deserves to win it. He's a true drag queen superstar. No matter what he'll definitely have a career ahead of him. That is if he doesn't succumb to booze and drugs like so many before... sigh. God I want a drink.

Well I think the event has probably started now. So I'm going to go down and fetch my burrito.

nothing left at work but work

2009-05-14T11:03:00.004-04:00

I can't IM at work; they block it. Which is probably best because it would be so hard for me to focus or get any work done, chatting away all day with TG and RW.
I can't Facebook at work, which is a blessing for obvious reasons.
I can't access my favorite gossip blog http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/ at work because it's on the pornography list
but at least they didn't flag my second favorite gossip blog http://www.socialitelife.celebuzz.com/
....
until TODAY.
ugh.
fucking bastards.

Push Car Update

2009-05-12T13:24:00.008-04:00

Daddy Dup has painted the Pink push car Red. He caved!

This is a photo of the King looking distainfully at the Dup.

Honestly though, I have been with this man for nearly 10 years and not once has he ever taken on a home improvement project of any kind. Yet, when his son's masculinity is on the line, he rushes out to Home Depot, buys 2 cans of spray paint, pulls the thing apart with a screw driver and viola! It's red! It looks great, don't get me wrong but I'm just saying, you think you know someone...

I see more home improvement projects in the old Duper's future.

(Photo of baby in red push car to follow)

worry wart

2009-05-11T13:37:00.004-04:00

We had a really nice Mother's Day wknd. On Saturday we drove out to Malibu and met Willis at what I think is one of the best fish and chips places I've ever eaten at. I love Fish and chips. So we went there and it was delicious and then we took Davey to Zuma beach and hung out there for about an hour. An hour was all we had time for and also any of us three adults had the energy for because Davey LOVES THE BEACH. He loves the ocean and he wants to kill himself by running directly into the waves with no fear whatsoever. I said to Willis and Dup, you know it really makes you realise that if we weren't around they would just kill themselves. Davey would not sit still and play with his sand toys like a little angel. He ran towards the water, he ran towards the volley ball games, he ran towards the birds. He was so happy. It was adorable and thank god for Dup and Willis because they chased him while I mostly sat fat and happy.

On the drive home, which was gridlock, Davey kept saying over and over again. "bye bye beach! bye bye beach!" It was pretty cute.

Davey has been obsessed with these plastic push cars that every one seems to have but us. I've been hesitant to get him one because they're like $50 and a lot of times with these things they like them for like a week and then it's like, "next." Plus I don't want to buy him everything he wants just because he wants it. The flip side is that he likes to ride in it and he hates riding in his stroller so I was thinking that if we got one of these we might be able to take some long walks again without Davey fussing 15 min into it. Eliott would appreciate this very much because his long walks have been few and far between lately. So instead of buying one, I put out a query on my mom's group list and I got a response back, "I have one you can have for free but it's pink." I was like, "sure!" So Dup went and picked up on Saturday and we presented it to Davey on Sunday morning and he climbed into it gleefully immediately. We took a long walk and every one was happy. Dup is slightly disturbed by the pinkness. It is confusing to people to see a little boy driving a pink car. People have an innate need to know if they are looking at a boy or a girl. It's weird but true. Dup placated himself by remembering that Elvis himself drove a pink Cadillac.

Dup had to work most of the Day yesterday so Davey and I just hung out, played with the car, he took a monster nap and then when he woke up we all went to the Soupplantation for dinner, my request. It was wonderful except that I woke up at 12am with a HORRIBLE stomach pain and couldn't sleep. I think it was from the clam chowder.

When my mom was pregnant with me she craved steamed clams and ate them by the bucket full but after I was born, steamed clams gave her a horrible stomach ache and still do to this day. I loved steamed clams and clam chowder and now it seems I may be fated to the same horrible stomach allergy. Very strange. We'll see but I'm not excited to test it out because the pain is so acute and horrible. Also, because I'm pregnant, I was super worried that it was something else, early labor a miscarriage; I didn't know. I sat awake worrying.

I had been feeling the baby move an teensy bit the week before, which is so wonderful and reassuring and what I've been waiting for. There's nothing that connects you more to your little fetus than feeling it move. It's like, "hi mama!" I love it. So that's been great but then last night I realised that I hadn't felt the baby move all weekend and I started to worry worry worry that something was going wrong. I considered waking Dup, calling the doctor, imagining us all in the ER in our pajamas. Then finally a little voice came into my head and said, "it was the clam chowder. It's just your stomach. You'll feel the baby move at work tomorrow." It's much easier to feel the baby move when I'm at my desk at work because I'm sitting still and quiet. I can notice the subtle nuances. So after I heard that message I was able to relax and fall asleep and my stomach felt better in the morning and yes, I've felt the baby move a few times already today, SWEET RELIEF.

I wonder when I will stop worrying about this baby, this pregnancy. I know I didn't worry about Davey like this. I just knew he would be ok. It's because of the miscarriage that I'm worrying but everything is going so well now. I wish I could just turn these negative thoughts off somehow. Stop living in fear and dread of something bad happening. This baby needs my positive vision, my positive thoughts. This baby needs me to see the entire trajectory of the pregnancy, the healthy birth, the big fat healthy baby in my arms, coming home from the hospital. I need to see that for myself too. It's so hard to discern the difference between instinct and paranoia. Am I getting the feeling that something is wrong because something is wrong and I'm sensing it or am I getting the feeling that something is wrong because I'm a fucking worry wart? I need to chill out and think some happy thoughts.

In awesome, amazing news it looks like Dup and I have settled on a name that we both really really love. I'm so excited about this name. I think the little baby sent it to us like a message in a bottle. This is what he wants his name to be.

Sorry, can't tell you.

As you can see...

2009-04-30T14:37:00.000-04:00

Davey is already taking on the persona of cool older brother.

Boy, it's boy!

2009-04-28T22:32:00.001-04:00

So yes. We found out yesterday and we're super excited. Of course there's a twang of disappointment that we won't get to experience having a girl, there's no denying that but there's so many awesome things about having a boy and about having 2 boys. Also, no teenage girl drama. Thank you Jesus! I gave my mother hell and I have a whole lot of Karma headed my way in that dept. so I think I may have just dogged a massive bullet. Whew!

Now we just have to figure out what to name this little dude. Deron has given me his name choice but I'm not allowed to speak about it here or anywhere for that matter. It's pure torture.

The most fantastic news in the world is that the baby is growing perfectly and very healthy and looking great. I'm thrilled. Go baby go!!

Davey's Words

2009-04-24T12:53:00.004-04:00

Ball
Hi
Dog
Cat
Duck
Water (wha)
Bottle (Ba)
Mama
Dada (Ga)
Food
Car
Go
Walk (wha)
Bowl
Plate
Pop (corn)
Bath (ba)
Poo
Pee
Kiah (his cousin)
Please (plee)
Pool
Bike
Hat
Eggs (ayes)
Ice
yes (yah)

I think there are more. It seems like he's getting a new one every day. He understands so much more than he can say and he can communicate what he wants with signs and gestures. For instance putting him hands under his armpits and making monkey sounds means, "i want to watch my curious george video." he is obsessed with curious george and it's no wonder because they resemble each other a lot. I'm sure most people feel that their toddlers resemble monkeys but Davey is especially monkey like I think. He likes to watch the PBS show and also the full length movie with Will Ferrel as the voice of the Man with the Yellow Hat, which is pretty cute. We also listen to the Jack Johnson CD that is the soundtrack ad Naseaum.

Oh I forgot two more words: More and No. Those are used A LOT, especially more. Davey wants more of everything.

I went to an orientation for the preschool/daycare we're sending him to next Fall. He'll be going MWF 9-3. I'm really excited for him to start. It's such a great place. I love the director and the teachers and their philosophy and the environment. It's super diverse and the best part is that it wasn't outrageously priced and they didn't have a 3 year waiting list. Awesome. It's also very close to our house. It think he's going to love it.

How are you feeling?

2009-04-16T14:33:00.004-04:00

This is the question you get asked a lot when you are pregnant. Also, "when are you due?' and "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?' Usually the person asking you doesn't really care and they've already asked you these same series of questions about 10 times and you've told them the answers already: Tired, October 17th, I'll find out in 2 weeks.

It's not a big deal. It's just small talk and you know it's nice to get extra attention and acknowledgement in any form, so I'll take it.

I'm already showing quite a bit. I look now at 3 1/2 months about the same as what I looked like at 5 months with Davey. They say it's very common to start showing early when it's not your first baby. Your body is just like, "Ok, got it!" Also the lack of sit ups in the interim didn't help. I had a stranger in line at Starbucks acknowledge that I was pregnant so I think it's pretty obvious but still when I tell people at work they act surprised, which is interesting since I've been wearing full on maternity wear for the last 2 weeks. I don't know if they are just acting or if they really are surprised.

I am still very tired. I think I started to feel better with Davey at around 14 weeks so hopefully I'll start getting some energy back soon. I'm just really hitting this wall where I'm so tired of feeling tired and the fatigue is turning into a sort of cranky depression. It's hard to remember that it's temporary and for the best cause in the world but I'm trying to remind myself. When we were trying to get pregnant I would just pray and pray. Please just let me be pregnant. That's all I want. If I can have this baby, I'll be truly happy. And so now I'm having the baby and I best be happy! I am. I really am.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday, April 28th to do some blood work and also to see if maybe we can see if it's a boy or a girl. Dup and Davey are going to come with me which is exciting because so far they haven't come to any of my appointments. With Davey, Dup came to every single one of my Doctor appointments. The poor little tiny baby is already getting the second kid treatment!

I'm super excited to find out the sex of the baby. Probably more so than I was last time. Mainly because of the name. The name is really up in the air this time. I'm not going to be able to share with you my picks because we are going to keep the name a secret until the baby is born. I know that's tricky and cruel to you, my audience but the thing is that people have such strong opinions about names and they have no problem sharing them with you and if you don't like my names then I really don't care to hear about it. So I'd rather just wait until it's too late and there's nothing you can say. That's the kid's name ok? LOVE IT! I'm not really talking to You when I say this. I'm talking to some other insensitive clod. Don't worry, not you.

So Dup won't even tell me his names. He knows how hot headed and judgemental I am and that I'll shoot his names down in 2 seconds like Jesse James at High Noon. And he's right. I will. I know I will but STILL. Does he have to be so cruel? I keep trying to get his names out of him but to no avail. He's told me that when we find out the sex of the baby he's going to write his names for that sex down on a piece of paper and put that paper in an envelope and give it to me. Then I can look at it but I'm not allowed to discuss it with him for one week.

It's a great idea but it will never work.

The other thing about knowing the sex is that I can start decorating the room. This baby has it's own room! It's so exciting! Davey had a corner. He has a room now but when we were in Brooklyn and I was pregnant, people would come over and be like, "where does the baby go?" Not the case this time around. This baby has the corner office! Fun.

I'm definitely starting to feel much less nervous about losing the baby or something bad happening to the baby but I'm still nervous. Luckily my mom is letting me borrow a professional doppler that she had an extra of in her office. She's a nurse practitioner. If you don't know, a doppler is a device that is sort of like a small ultrasound microphone that you stick up to your belly to hear the baby's heartbeat. So now, I can listen for the baby's heartbeat when I want to. It took me a while to get up the courage to use it because I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hear it. But now I've done it a few times and I can hear it! Cha pow, cha pow, cha pow. The doppler is cool because you get more of the sense that the sound is coming from your belly. When you see an ultra sound it's hard to connect it to what is inside you. It's more like, "the baby is in the screen." I think that once I start to feel the baby move, I will feel really really relieved and very very happy. When you can feel them move, it's just so amazing and wonderful. I just love it and it makes it so much more real. I can't wait.

I'll keep you posted!

letting the cat out

2009-04-06T14:40:00.004-04:00

Good news to share, I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Made it! Whew. Of course, I'm still a bit nervous but I'm feeling for the most part very relieved and excited now. I'm starting to get a little energy back and I'm feeling less pukey but still pretty pukey.

We're due Oct. 17th, little Libra. We will hopefully be able to find out the sex at our next appt., April 28th. I'll keep you posted. Like last time, we'll keep the name to ourselves until after the baby is born.

I'm feeling much more connected to this preganancy than the one that I lost in November. It's very different. I feel very positive and warm about it. I can see the trajectory. It's good. I think it's probably the same little soul trying again but the timing is better this time.

Wish us luck!

Friday the 13th

2009-03-13T15:05:00.004-04:00

I've been published! Well, no, not really. But I did get a letter posted on Mike Daisey's Blog and a lot of people read that so it's something.

He's been having a debate about MFA programs, the expensive ones, and if they are charging fair prices considering the odds of being able to pay back the loans with a career in the arts is so slim. I attended an MFA program in New York for one year and had a horrible experience and ended up dropping out in order to save myself from more grief and loss of money. You can read the letter for more details.

What else has been going on? Not much I guess. Davey got 4 new teeth and he was miserable for a few days and had a cold but now he's much better. Now Dup and I have colds. I'm tired and tired of work but that's too boring to mention. Work is just really busy.

I got in a fight with the assistant of the CEO of our parent company on the phone yesterday. I was pretty shaken up by it. I can't give you all of the details because you know, world wide web and all but let's just say that I put the woman in her place in a way that I'm sure few people have before. She's miserable and she was way out of line. I told my boss about it this morning and she has my back. Whew!

Our friends Willis and Lia are in town for 3 months. Yay! We haven't seen them nearly enough yet but I love just knowing they are here. I wish they would just stay.

We're planning a trip to California Adventure. Neither Dup nor I have ever been. They have a toy story ride and a bug's life ride. Awesome. The family is currently very into Toy Story as we have watched it 300 times and Toy Story II 150 times.

Davey and I are driving up to Paso Robles tomorrow morning to see my mom, sister and niece and nephew. Davey LOVES playing with Taj and Kiah so much that it's unreal. They are so good with him and entertain him constantly with energy I could not begin to muster. It's a great break for me and a great treat for him. Penny and I are planning on heading out to see the Blues Dogs play on Saturday night in San Luis Obispo. That's my stepdad Bud's band. I've yet to see them play. Looking forward to rocking out to the Dogs. Luckily it's an 8pm show. If I take a nap, I just might make it.

I organized a playgroup in our complex for kids around the age of two. Yesterday was our first meeting and it was great. We have a little play structure with two small slides on some wood chips and it's perfect for little toddlers. It's good to finally start to meet the other parents in our community. They all seem to be really good people and they've been great about sharing info on schools, etc. We're planning on putting Davey into daycare next fall and it's pretty overwhelming and expensive.

Ok back to work. So busy at work people. My theory is that so many are losing their jobs and the rest of us are working 10x as hard. Our managers know we ain't going anywhere and they're going to take full advantage of that fact.

If you haven't seen Davey on the Radio, go check it out at Dup's blog! So funny.

Happy recession. Happy Friday!

mommy and davey

2009-03-02T12:39:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T16:47:00.004-05:00

Davey and Lia at Breakfast

2009-01-28T13:35:00.004-05:00

One of the good things to come from Davey getting so sick is that Dup and I are on a nutrition mission. It's a lot of work, offering these little guys a multitude of healthy choices that they are likely to reject on a regular basis. The bulk of the work rests on Dup's shoulders and he's doing a great job so far. We are on the verge of having a very picky eater on our hands. I have the feeling that picky eaters are partly born and partly created. He's already loving new types of food though just because we're offering him a wider array more often. If it were up to Davey he would subsist on a diet soley made up of Trader Joe's Cheesy Corn Puffs and Rice milk, not a balanced diet for a growing one year old boy.

As you can see from this photo Davey is enjoying a rice cake with peanut butter** and Lia is making him laugh.

**not recalled by the salmonella scare

Baby Davey = Good!

2009-01-27T16:43:00.002-05:00

Thanks so much to every one for your caring, heartfelt words of comfort. It means so much to me. Davey is doing SO MUCH better since yesterday. He's just been in the best mood, getting his energy back and that twinkle in his eye that makes him so unique. I think he just feels so much better and he's grateful that he's home. I'd still say that he's at about 95%. We're going to keep him quarantined for another week, from other kids, etc. I'm really going to have to be vigilant over the next 6 months or so about keeping him healthy. Up until this point I've been extremely laid back about hanging around other little snotty noses and really it does build their immune systems and you can't shelter them from being sick and you shouldn't try but I'm going to try. If he gets sick again like that....

Life jolts you and shakes you up sometimes out of your haze to remind you that you are grateful for every breath you have. This experience, seeing my little boy in so much pain, so scared, worrying that he could have a very serious condition, it has reminded me. I'm awake to it but also I am very tired. The whole thing has exhausted me to the point where I feel like curling into a ball and crying for 2 hours and then sleeping for 2 days. Sleep unfortunately is not in the immediate future...

When I walk in the door after being at work all day Davey looks up and says, "Ahhhhhh!!" and then he says, "Ma MA." and then he runs up to me with his arms open and I pick him up and he nuzzles my face and I say, "i missed you so much today!" and he says, "Ma MA." etc...

Visit to scary land, everything fine.

2009-01-22T10:47:00.003-05:00

Davey has been fighting a chest cold since X-mas and had just finally gotten through the night without coughing when he got hit with a bad stomach virus. He started throwing up on Thursday night and by Sunday he was still very sick and had become inconsolable. He wouldn't stop crying, was lethargic, wouldn't crack a smile. We brought him into the ER to see if he needed to be put on IV fluids and when they were giving him an IV he had a grand mal seizure on the table in the ER. Next thing you know, he's unconscious and being wheeled down for a cat scan (you can't go with him mom and dad) and I'm outside the ER screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" while dup is crying on the curb.

Davey is home now. They did all the brain tests and have determined it was a one off thing caused by dehydration and trauma (being held down and stuck with a needle). We spent 2 days in the ICU with him hooked up to a monitor and an IV. He cried pretty much non-stop the whole time.

I don't know how the kids and parents of kids with serious illnesses cope, living in the hospital, getting poked, going under anaesthesia, chemo, etc. I was there 2 days and it was fucking HELL. The worst part was watching Davey's spirit break. There is a seriousness to him that I had not seen before but he's coming back to us slowly. He's smiling and walking and rediscovering his world. He is still sick, feeling crappy and tired but he's hydrated and fighting.

Thank god. Thank you thank you thank you.

Gratitude pours from my everything.

Thank you again.

More later.

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES

2009-01-02T11:02:00.003-05:00

when i look at this: click here, I know that all the work we did in 08, the planning the packing the transitioning the job searching, the dog transporting the unpacking the house hunting the paper signing, the baby dragging around, exhausting, emotional and physical work - it was worth it. hallelujah.

this is now a weather blog.

one thing i wanted to share finally is that we're trying to get pregnant again. we actually were pregnant, or i was. i was pregnant, yes but i had a miscarriage. this was nov. 10th. i haven't wanted to talk about it publicly because i feel uncomfortable about the outpouring of sympathy that inevitably comes when i tell people. i don't want too many sad feelings surrounding it because i feel so incredibly positive about the fact that i will be pregnant again soon and that this time the baby will live happily and healthy and be born full term. the day that it happened, oh it was very sad and very unexpected. really though i feel very connected to this little soul that is trying to punch through and i think it was trying very hard but something just wasn't right. so this time, we'll get it right! your positive thoughts are much welcome.

we spent new years eve down south with my cousin and her family who we love. it was a really fun night except that davey has had this bad cough for over a week and he wakes up with coughing fits and he wouldn't go to sleep, so we ended up driving home just after midnight. i made really good dirty martinis for my cousin and i. when my cousin's sister-in-law had a sip of hers she said, "wow, why does that taste so fucking good?" and my cousin said, "because we're alcoholics."

mmmm. it was really good.

I've been doing fine with eating no sweets and doing more exercise and stretching but i haven't lost a pound yet. I feel better though. Dieting and trying to get pregnant just seem to oppose one another so I think I'll just continue to focus on no sweets & exercise.

our good friends david and jen came over last night for dinner. we had spent the whole day cleaning the condo so it looked ship shape. they were so positive and complimentary about our place and i really appreciated it (even if they were fudging a bit). i went to sleep feeling like i live in a palace.

We watched Wall-E last night. omg. he's cute.

resolute

2008-12-30T16:50:00.003-05:00

It’s 70 degrees and sunny today. The air quality is fantastic. This is why people live in LA man. This is it. It’s almost January! Some people might not like this. I don’t understand them but it leaves more room for those of us who do. It’s just stunning out and it puts me in the most wonderful mood. It feels wonderful to be alive.

I think that 2008 was one of the longest years in my life. So much has happened. When I think back to this time last year, it seems so long ago, so far away. With everything going on in these “interesting” times I certainly feel extremely grateful for all that I have. It’s a lot. HEALTH, HEALTHY BABY, OWN HOME, HAVE JOB. Dear god it’s a lot. Thank you God, thank you angels, thank you.

I started reading this blog that the Gallivanting Monkey links to and I’m totally addicted to her ghosty stories and ability to talk to the dead. It’s awakened all sorts of things in me that have been dormant for a while, lucid dreams and an interest in telepathy, etc. It’s cool. One thing she talks about a lot is life purpose and how most people are looking to understand what there purpose is in this particular life. It’s not a question that I’ve often asked myself because I think I’ve always known why I am here. Of course it’s easy to forget and lose track and lose sight and get caught up in petty things. I decided after reading her blog for 3 hours one day that I would do a meditation on why I am here and what my life’s purpose is.

So I did. I went home and Deron was teaching that night (this was like 2 weeks ago) and Davey was asleep and I did a little meditation and I asked my spirit guides to tell me what life’s purpose is. My answer came to me immediately and it was clear as a bell. This is what I heard – “refurbish and redecorate your condo”

I’m not joking. That’s what I heard.

Well it’s nice to know they have a sense of humor.

So that’s what I’ll do. And I think it’s great because not only is it funny but it does make a point. I’m here to live my life. To go to work and create a home for my family and live in the home and to love each other. I’m here to love and be loved and pick flooring and paint colors.

I’m truly blessed.

New Years Resolutions are stupid but I’m trying to not eat sweets for one month. No sweets until February. We’ll see if it helps. I’ve gained a ton of weight and I can’t fit into my clothes and I can’t afford to buy new clothes so I better lose the weight. Also I’m going to try and walk more for longer amounts of time. In New York I had to walk up 6 flights of stairs just to get to work everyday. Also we would walk to the park at least 3-4 times a week. Here we’ve been just strolling around the complex with davey who walks SLOW and I drive to work and take an escalator (no one walks up the escalators here). Car culture = Fat Ass. BUT since the weather is so nice I have no excuse not to get out there and do it. I’m doing it.

Please don’t bring up the 100 sit ups a day for 100 days challenge of 07. it was stupid and you let me off the hook to easily.

Happy new year!

2008-12-23T11:03:00.001-05:00

getting sh%# done

2008-12-08T11:05:00.004-05:00

I guess there’s this really popular book called “Getting Things Done” which I’ve never read. Dup has read it. He has it actually. I’ve always wanted to read it but I guess I’ve just been too busy doing things to get around to it. The funny story I heard about the person who wrote the book was that it was so wildly popular that the publisher gave him a huge advance to write another book but he never finished it. Hilarious.

I love to get things done and I have a hard time relaxing if I'm not either doing something or I have exhausted myself from the doing. I'd like to read the book but I also feel like it's realy more for people who have trouble getting things done. I more have the opposite problem. I do really like to have a balance of relaxing and getting things done though and this weekend was a perfect balance of that.

We got a lot of things done and some things we didn’t get done. I could spend a lot of time focusing on the things we didn’t get done but I’m choosing to focus on the things we did. I also like to count the relaxing parts as doing. Taking a nap is getting something done. It sounds sedintary but it is actually active. You are catching up on sleep. It was a nice weekend mainly because,besides a play that Dup went to see on Saturday night, we had no plans. I had blocked out the whole weekend on the calendar to “PAINT DAVEY’S ROOM” but we decided to hire a professional to do it so we were left with no plans, yay! I think I’d rather wait and pay more and do that with all of the rooms because it’s a permanent space and I want it done right. We choose Davey’s room first because it’s the smallest and also in the worst shape. I guess once it’s done we will spend all of our time there.

So anyway, hiring the pro (I think he’ll come this week some day to do it. Still waiting to hear) freed up the weekend. These are the things we did:

Secured the balcony so that Davey can’t fall off of it.
Got bagel sandwiches and walked to the library.
Took a long nap.
Walked around the complex, looked at the ducks and the cats.
Played on slide.
Did all of the laundry
Washed the down comforter
Washed the couch cushion covers
Ate pizza and salad.
Got Christmas tree.
Decorated Christmas tree and condo for christmas.
Listened to Christmas music.
Watched “Pee Wee’s Christmas Special”
Watched “Charlie Brown Christmas Special”
Made pancackes and bacon (ate it).
Walked around the complex, looked at ducks and cats.
Played on slide.
Ate pizza and salad..
Watched Entourage.

That’s a lot of things! One thing that I really wanted to do but didn’t get to was de-spider the balcony. While I was securing it so that Davey won’t fall off it, I noticed that the thing is crawling with spiders: webs, dead spiders, alive spiders, spider eggs, spider cocoons. It’s enough to make you tear your eyes out. I know that spiders are “good luck” and that they eat bugs and don’t get me wrong I love spiders. I just don’t want them taking over, which apparently is the plan in full motion.

Next weekend….

grateful

2008-11-26T22:54:00.004-05:00

Listening to the new ani difranco album. It makes me feel like i'm in college again, which is a good feeling. I loved college. God I miss that time.

Ani Difranco is kind of like the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. If you read that book at the right time in your life it can have a really deep effect on you but later on it's just like, "eh." I used to not be able to understand why people don't like her. I mean you really either love her or hate her. I know a lot of people on both sides of the fence. I used to not be able to understand why anyone might hate her but I can see why more clearly now. Especially now, she's kind of fallen into the same trap that Prince fell into later on. Since she has her own label she puts out these big fat albums and there are usually 2 songs that are really good on each one. Her earlier stuff is amazing from beginning to end. Without a doubt my favorite album of hers is the very first one she did which is just titled "Ani Difranco". It kills me really. I love that album, damn.

So I'm listening to this new one and I like parts of it. She streams it free on her website so go check it out if you're a fan.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we're driving up to my mom's at the ass crack of dawn to avoid traffic. It should be a pretty low key holiday. I'm really looking forward to the 4 days off!

I went on a cruise last weekend with my Grammy, sister, mom and cousin. It was to celebrate my Grammy's 86th b-day. We had a great time. I mean if I never go on another cruise again as long as I live that is just fine with me. This one was 3 days to Ensenada and it's very cheap and totally trashy with grown adults acting like frat boys. Ensenada is a sad little town. The boat rocked a lot and smelled like septic. The company was ideal though, a perfect combo of people and we laughed pretty much the entire time. After two drinks it became the best idea ever. My Grammy had a good time too, which was the whole point.

So much to be thankful for. I'm still tripping that we're finally here in CA. I fought for it for so long. Here we are in this condo we own in LA with the baby and the dog, what's next? I'm a person who lives for the future, always planning the next adventure. It feels good to be still. There's plenty of to do, don't get me wrong! It's just a strange sensation, to just be here and live.

I'm starting to miss the New York crew though. Hi guys! I don't miss the cold. I miss the snow.

Born on a mountaintop....

2008-11-04T09:56:00.000-05:00

sucking it out

2008-10-28T10:10:00.004-04:00

I want to write you a brilliant little post about life and things but I'm just so fucking tired. We moved in on Saturday and we've spent 2 nights in the new condo. We're sort of camping there with all of our clothes, bathroom stuff, some dressers and rugs but no Kitchen table, no couch, no TV, no pictures, nothing in the kitchen (using paper plates and plastic silverware). The rest of our stuff comes from storage on Saturday. We're trying to get this first round unpacked and in place before the bigger move arrives. Dup has been working SO HARD to get things organized. On top of it all he started a new class this week. So he's not only teaching all day Friday but also Monday and Wednesday evenings 6pm-9pm, that's after being up since 6am watching lil D! What a trooper the Dupster is. I'm grateful to him, very grateful. I myself have been super busy at work and also pushed up my sleeves and unpacked a ton of boxes last night. When Dup unpacks he puts thought into it and organizes carefully. I just throw things into closets and drawers, "organize it better later." I get more done more quickly but... Still it's looking more manageable and I actually like the lack of furniture and the space it creates. Davey LOVES it. He rides his little radio flyer trike around the living room and pushes his baby carriage around without worry about running into ANYTHING. We'd like to keep it sparse. I hope we can.

One of my most favorite parts about the condo is this storage space that is under the stairs. It's a little door for little people and when you open it, it goes to a little closet that is sideways-triangle shaped, getting smaller as the stairs go down. I decided as soon as I saw it that we would never store anything there, this has to be for the kid(s?). They can draw on the walls, whatever in there, sleep in there, have sex in there when they're teenagers. It's a total free for all in that closet.

What else do I like about the new condo? I like the high ceilings and the lay out. I love the washer and dryer, even though they are old and loud. I love that we have them. I love that our bedroom is big enough that we don't have to push the bed against a wall and that I can just step out of bed without crawling to the bottom and also I have my own bedside table. I love that there's a linen closet and a hall closet to store the broom and the vacuum and the sewing machine. I love that there is a lot of natural light and that our NEIGHBORS so far seem SO NICE and TOTALLY SANE, YAY!!! That's huge people, huge. Also the commute to and from work - SHORT. I love the 20 minute commute.

The list of things I don't like is long and gripey and I won't list them. Thanks to every one who posted such nice comments saying you know, "oh you're exaggerating it's super nice!" etc. The photos posted are flattering to the space and very bright but they do show the skeleton and the lay out and space that is there so in a way you are right. HOWEVER, if I got up close with the camera you would see how FUCKING DIRTY AND HOLE RIDDEN the walls are in every single room. You would see how gross the carpet is. You would see the rust on all of the fixtures in the bathrooms, the chipped and broken mirrors, the stains on the ceiling tiles in the hallway, the..... uh oh, I'm doing it!

This move is sucking it out of me. I know it's because, well you know, we JUST DID IT. Usually you get at least 2-3 years in between. It's fucking exhausting. Still once we do this, once we're in, we're in for a while. When Dup and I searched for our first place together in Brooklyn it was arduous and when we finally found our adorable little apartment Dup exclaimed, "we're not moving for 10 years!" This time I think that's definitely true.

Photos of the condo

2008-10-16T10:09:00.006-04:00

Main Room / Living Room / Dining Area w/Stairs up to Loft
Master Bedroom Cat not Included

View from Loft

View of Balcony

Kitchen

Loft Space / Office

Spare Room

Davey's Room

Rec Center / Main Pool, Jacuzzi

Play Ground (sorry blurry)

the Lake (ducks not pictured)

Obviously these photos are taken of the space with the previous owners crap still in it. We'll post some after photos, after. As you can see the shit is OUTDATED but it's our outdated shit. I already have a million ideas about what I want to do with the space. fun stuff. Patience will be key though because there's just no money to do it all at once.

Right now the immediate schedule looks like this:

Monday 10/20 - Ceiling guys come in and scrape the popcorn crap off the ceiling, patch the ceiling and texture the ceiling (two days to dry)

Tuesday 10/21 & Wed. 10/22 - Flooring guys come in and install Laminate flooring in the living room and the hallway down the bedrooms.

Thursday 10/23 - Ceiling guys come back and paint the ceilings

Friday 10/24 morning - Me and some cleaning ladies go in and clean the crap out of the place and maybe put some shelf paper in if there's time

Friday 10/24 afternoon - Carpet cleaners come and hopefully steam the CAT out of the place
Saturday 10/25 - Move in

You may notice that there is no margin for error here! Cross your fingers for us that everything runs on time.

Guitar Hero

2008-10-16T09:23:00.002-04:00

Balls

2008-10-15T13:42:00.004-04:00

I promise to post photos of the new condo soon. In the mean time let's talk about balls.

Davey has a word. He has a couple of words that are inconsistent but he has one word that is loud and strong and that word is BALL. This is an extremely common first word for babies and Davey started with it a few months ago and now he's obsessed. "Ball, ball, ball," he walks around repeating it over and over again. When we took him to Disneyland he fell asleep in the car on the way and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot he opened his eyes and said, "Ball." It was like, "now where was I before I fell asleep, oh yes! Ball!"

It's so trippy to think about. What would it be like if you had exactly one word in your entire vocabulary and you had to use that one word to express yourself and then what if that one word was "ball?" I mean if I had to choose one word it would probably be a verb or an affirmation. Something like, "look" or "yes" or I don't know what but it wouldn't be a noun.

And then when you see the actual thing, this object that the word represents, an actual ball. I mean he goes nuts. Deron was reading him a book the other night and there was a photo of a ball in the book and he yelled, "BALL!" so loud and emphatically that it was if the ball was on fire and coming toward his head. I was in the kitchen doing dishes and this just killed me. I'm still laughing about it today.

Pretty much anything round is a ball. There are lots of pumpkins around of course being that it's almost Halloween and so all of the pumpkins are "ball." And so now Deron and I have started saying, "ball, ball" all the time like the martians on seasame street.

Oh speaking of Seasame Street. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan but Dup watches with Davey every morning (lucky duck) and there's this new series called, "Murray had a little lamb" where the monster "Murray" visits a different school each time with a lamb who speaks Spanish. I don't remember her name. Anyway we were in the kitchen on Saturday making breakfast and Seasame Street was playing in the other room and Dup heard Murray had a little lamb come on and he exclaimed, "MURRAY HAD A LITTLE LAMB IS ON!" and ran .... yes he ran, into the room to watch it. It was so hilarious and funny and I've been making fun of him for it non-stop since.

Ball.

Closed!

2008-10-10T16:46:00.002-04:00

Just got the word. We closed on the condo today. I am SO RELIEVED. We can move forward. Oh how I love moving forward. It's a glorious glorious feeling. We're going tonight to do a final walk through. I'll post photos this weekend.

Thanks for all of the wishing and praying every one did for us. Come over a swim in our pool!

Yay!

HOA

2008-09-19T10:00:00.007-04:00

Another sunny day in Southern California. I don't know that it's really sunk in that we live here and aren't leaving. I had a recent pang for Brooklyn. It wasn't so much Brooklyn as it was home, our little apt that was all set up. I'm really anxious to get into our permanent space and get set up and to start making our home. It's very near.

The sale seems to be moving along. It's a lot of paper work and back and forth and we're trying to be good consumers and read every thing we sign but there's just so much and a lot of it is in a different legal language.

We're hoping to make 2 main improvements before we move in.

A. scrape the cottage cheese crap off the ceilings and paint the ceilings (no not ourselves, are you nuts?)

and B. instal some sort of hard flooring probably bamboo or laminate. We just don't know how much money we're going to have left after the sale goes through.

They really gouge you with all of these little closing costs. Hopefully we will have enough to at least do those two things because those are the two things that will be such a pain in the ass to have done if we are actually living there. Every thing else can be lived around.

I want to post photos but I'm too superstitious about it. Once it closes we def will but you may not be very impressed! As I mentioned before it needs a complete facelift. New paint, new floor, carpet, tile in kitchen and bath, appliances, cupboards. bathroom cabinets, shower & bath, windows. Everything people. EVERYTHING needs to be redone. If you can see it with your eyes we're going to have to redo it...... eventually. We'll be living in a home that is a bit of an eye sore in places and I'm sure I'll be apologising for it when people stop by but I'm not embarassed at all because it's going to be our home and all in all it will be fun, a great project. I think it will take at least 5 years to get it to a place where I feel like, "ok, this is the space that we created."

One of the things they give you in the escrow package for the condo is the last 12 meeting minutes of the Home Owners Association Meetings. The joke has been that I will eventually become the president, as is my tendency. After reading the minutes it became clear to me that I will definitely become involved but not at a high level because it's fucking boring as hell but I will become invloved because it's our investment and I want to know what's going on. Reading those minutes, I felt as if I was in the room. Tenants show up and complain. Oh me oh my I can't wait to meet this cast of characters. Here are a few examples from the minutes:

**Homeowner stated he thinks our rules regarding 'kids' are anti-family and we should allow parents to take care of their own children. It was mentioned that when cars are involved, it's all of our problem. The manager asked the owner to re-read the regulations.

**Homeowner said it had been 2 weeks that he was waiting for patches on his ceiling of his unit to be painted. The manager reminded the homeowner that the request was made last Thursday, four days ago, not two weeks ago.

and my personal fav....

**Homeowner told us of her concern with 'security at the clubhouse.' She told us a bottle of wine donated for the wine, cheese & chocolate party was removed by some one unknown between 3:30PM and 5:30PM the afternoon of the party. (The bottle of wine was later found in the refrigerator.)

Well! she must have felt silly!

I think my dog run experience will help me stay on the edges of all of this and not take it too seriously. I hope...

this kills me

2008-09-17T10:57:00.003-04:00

check it

2008-09-03T10:24:00.003-04:00

First of all, let me welcome a new blog to my blog roll...... Penny and the who? Staring my very own sister Penny Jayne. She has some great photos of the kids and a riveting story about getting groped and stalked in her neighborhood and that's just her first week! Penny and the who? is not pulling any punches people.

Second, a lot has happened since my last post. I've been having some issues with my heart that brought me to ER the week before last. We're still getting to the bottom of it but it seems to be a hormonal issue and multifaceted, compounded by stress.

Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do. We've all heard it and we all know it but to know it intellectually and experience it physically are different. I think that I wasn't allowing myself the decency to cope with the stress I was dealing with because everything was so positive. All of my dreams are coming true and I'm so happy about it but I still have about 25 balls in the air and my nervous system is shot because of it. I'm feeling much better this week though.

It so funny in retrospect now I can see what a mess of nerves I've been. The job mostly. There's just so much riding on me doing well at it. I'm doing well at it but being new is hard and you just can't be entirely useful to any one because you don't even know every one's names or what they do or how to transfer a call directly to voice mail. So that makes you feel nervous and when you're nervous you make mistakes and that makes you feel even more nervous. YIKES!

The wonderful wonderful news is that the final offer we put down on this condo in Culver City we want has been accepted. YAAYY!! We are in escrow, not out of the woods yet. For those of you who don't know, escrow is where you give a neutral party your deposit until certain things about the sale of the home are sussed out like an inspection and the loan going through, etc. Please wish us luck on this harrowing journey. When it closes (and it will close!), I will post some photos. It's a shit hole with real potential. Every thing needs to be upgraded, EVERYTHING. But the skeleton of the space is very good, high ceilings, lots of light, spacious, etc. Very good. It's going to take us about 3-5 years to whip it into shape I think and then we'll have a lovely place to live.

I have to get to work but I just wanted to check in.

Sunny Weather

2008-08-12T13:12:00.001-04:00

So we’ve officially been living in LA for 4 weeks and two days now. It feels like 4 months and two weeks. So much has happened. It’s a complete transformation of lifestyle and so many new things. New Cars, New Jobs, New House, New People, New Surroundings. New life.

The weather…. How can I find the words to describe it?

How about this: 75-85 degrees and sunny with no humidity every single day since we got here. Every day. It is amazing. So far I have not taken it for granted. What’s wonderful is how it cools down at night and even gets a little chilly. Ohhh I love it. I know that talking about the weather is so cliché but I’m just someone who is so affected by it and this is making me so fucking happy. Yay.

We had a little bbq on Sunday with some LA friends. It was really nice. We set up the pool for Davey and he got lots of attention from every one on a count of being so damned cute. We played Bocci in the back yard and it turns out that Dup is very good at it. Who knew? Not Dup, I’ll tell you that much. It was great to hang with the LA crew and it made it all feel that much more real when we were making plans to see each other again in the not-so-distant future. It’s no different than New York in that it takes a big effort to get together with people but already it seems like there are so many events and shows and parties and things planned that we’re going to run into people that way as well. I’ve been to see 2 plays since I’ve been here and at both I ran into people I knew who I didn’t expect to see, which was so great and made me feel very popular.

We are searching for a condo to buy. If you’ve ever gone through the process of looking to purchase a place to live then you know that it’s a pretty big deal. I won’t bore you all with the details except to say that yes it’s definitely a buyers market and we are super lucky in that respect but also the real estate in LA is really fucking expensive market down or not. We’re trying to have fun with the whole process and not forget that we are very lucky to be in a position to buy right now and to just remember to get excited about finding the place we’re going to live for probably at least the next 7-10 years. We’re going to look at a place tonight that we both have very high hopes for so please cross your fingers for us!!

The new job is going really well. I love my new boss. It’s always hard being the new girl but I’m sure I’ll get it down in the next 3-4 months and all will be old hat. I think it’s going to be a great job for me long term. Yay!

We had to get Eliott a bark collar. That means that when he’s wearing it and he howls, he gets an electric shock. I know, it’s horrible. But he was out of control with the howling and we were seriously ready to kill him we were so frustrated. We’ve tried everything people. He can’t be trained out of it. We don’t have time to do the training it would take, which would be so intensive that I would have to quit my job and put Davey in day-care. It’s just not realistic. The good news is that he figured out the shock collar really quickly and it’s like a whole new world. He’s just not howling any more. We really should have done this about 3 years ago. It’s funny because it’s really just the really loud howls that shock him so he’s figured out which part of his register he can use and he does a low growl, light barking thing that is much more tolerable. What’s really great is that everyone in the house feels so bad about the shocks that we are all giving Eliott tons of extra love vs. before the shocking when we were all shunning him because he was irritating us so deeply with the howling. It’s going to be ok. He can stay, thank God.

Ok, that’s all for now folks! Do I miss New York? New York itself, not so much. The people, a lot. You know who you are.

new balance baby

2008-08-11T16:32:00.000-04:00

Reunited

2008-08-05T16:46:00.002-04:00

little baby davey with his cousins roy and jeffery on his first birthday.

The Eagle...

2008-07-25T09:55:00.004-04:00

...has landed.

And by Eagle I mean us, me and the boys, have landed in LA. Even little Eliott has made it across. He ended up flying and he seems to have survived just fine. He's not really talking much about the experience.

As expected it's been a whirlwind, a blur.

We've settled into our little Laurel Canyon cabin quite nicely. We're renting the bottom half of this house and we share it with our good friends Jacob and Crystal. It's strange having room mates again but they couldn't be more gracious, especially about Eliott's howling. Oh please God make him STOP. He's on a jag. We're hoping he'll settle down soon.

We got 2 cars, that was the big task in the first week. It's was kind of grueling but over all a good experience. We just decided to go to Car Max and over all we are pleased. I got an 03 Ford Focus, dark blue and Dup got a silver 03 Honda CRV. Dup looks very cute in his CRV, especially when Davey is in the back in his seat. I would say that I look cute in my Focus but currently there is bird shit all over it. Whatever birds...

This weekend is another crazy one. We're driving down to Orange County tomorrow to go to my cousin's husband's brother's baby's 1st B-day. Barret was born 2 days before Davey. We're going to stay Saturday night down there and then Sunday is Davey's 1st B-day extravaganza!

We're having his party at my Grammy's house which is very special because we used to do events at her house all of the time growing up but that's sort of dwindled off. She's super excited and the whole thing is turning into a sort of family reunion. Every one is coming. We're going to have a slip 'n slide and water guns and a treasure hunt for the older kids. Originally the theme was monkeys but so far no monkeys are involved, not even in the decorations really. My mom told me that Tori Spelling had a monkey themed party for her little boy and she had actual live monkeys. So, that just kind of turned me off of it. The new emerging theme seems to be balloons. There are balloons on the cake and there will be helium balloons for decorations. Davey loves balloons too so that's great.

holyshiticantbelieveheisalreadyturningone.

Oh also, he is walking every where now. He uses walking as his main mode of transport. It's funny too because he's kind of small for his age and he just looks hilarious walking around like a little drunk rodney dangerfield. I came out of his room a couple of days ago and there he was just walking by in the living room like he had an important meeting to get to but he'd had a few too many martini's at lunch.

Do I miss New York? hmmm. not yet but I will, I can feel it. Just typing that sentence actually, I had a little pang. Over all though, I am SO FUCKING HAPPY to be here. The weather has been spectacular this whole week. I started my job. Every one is being super nice to me. The offices are amazing. My boss has been out all week so that's been kind of nice to have a bit of calm before the storm. Monday should be very very crazy and I'll be exhausted from the weekend. Wish me luck there.

Ok, I better get back to work. More later from LA LA land.

The waiting is fine...

2008-07-11T15:28:00.003-04:00

Apartment empty and clean.

Movers gone with truckload of all our crap.

Hanging out in a hotel until Monday when our flight leaves.

What can I possibly say that LL Cool J hasn't already said a million times better?

I'm going back to Cali, rising, surprising,

advising realizing, she's sizing me up

Her bikini - small

Heels - tall

She said she liked the ocean

She showed me a beach, gave me a peach

pulled out the suntan lotion

I'm goin' back to Cali, Cali, Cali

I'm goin' back to Cali... I don't think so

(saxaphone solo)

See you on the other side beeyatches!

an Ode

2008-06-20T15:57:00.004-04:00

I’ve lived in New York for over 8 years now. I never intended to stay this long. "Five years," I said when I moved here but it’s difficult to leave a place. The older you get the more difficult it becomes. You have more to carry.

I came here alone in March of 2000 with two suitcases and $900 in my pocket. I’m leaving with a husband, a dog, a baby, a bedroom set, a dinette set, wedding china, a 401K….you get the picture. I’ve accumulated. I’ve gained mass. And yet the trip back to the West Coast seems greased. It’s so much easier. Coming to New York was like swimming up stream. Moving to Los Angeles is like doing the backstroke. Of course I’m much more organized than I was then and also I have more money but also I think that the door for me is open a bit wider going in that direction.

The first time I ever came to New York I was a sophomore in college and it was a religious experience for me. I had to live here. These were my people. I loved the speed and the energy and the dirt and the rats. I loved the history and the challenge. I remember being here in the first weeks after I finally did move here, to the East Village where I was sleeping in the living room of a teenie apartment with my college roommate’s coked up ex-boyfriend who wore florescent mesh tank tops and ate nothing but pink protein shakes that he made in a blender and tuna fish right out of the can. He would leave the empty cans all over the apartment. This was my environment and yet I remember thinking to myself, “This is a real life. This is the place where life becomes real.” Which isn’t true at all but I can see why I felt that way, especially then. I was under the impression that the only place that things really happened was New York. The rest of the world was just reflecting light off Manhattan.

And now…. Oh god. How can I find the words to describe to you how over this place I am? I still love it. I do. I’ll never stop loving New York but I am so motherfucking ready to leave.

Every morning for the past 7 years I have taken the 7 train to work. The 7 train goes above ground in Queens and there is an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline before it descends down into the tunnel which comes out at Grand Central Station. When the weather is clear and the sky line is striking, I always try to soak it in. I enjoy being able to see the city before I enter it and the view coming home is even better because the sun is setting behind the sky line and it’s sometimes spectacular. I get a little drive by of it that lasts for about 30 seconds. I try not to take it for granted. I always think that I should take a photo but I’m glad that I never have tried. There’s no lense that can capture that. All of those bridges at once. The light reflecting off everything. I will keep it with me always. It’s so beautiful.

When I’m counting down to something I have a tendency to count the days by counting the things that I do regularly, especially when I ride the subway. “The next time I walk up these steps I’ll be married.” “The next time I go through this turnstile I will have a baby.” “I will ride this train 11 more times before I move to California.” It’s strange to me that this picture I have every day will be gone and be replaced by the 405 freeway.

It’s all relief though. A huge relief washes over me. I know part of it is just the escape, the change, the romanticized view of the grass on the other side but I think a lot of it too is just that I’m supposed to be going now. I’ve been here long enough.

I came here at 25. The city gave me my first live in boyfriend, my fiancé, my wedding, my dog, my baby boy. It’s given me a career that I can make a living on. It’s given me confidence and maturity. It has also given me bad skin and a drinking problem.

New York I love you. Never change. God bye and Good luck and I will try and remember you as I saw you on the 7 train, from a distance and reflecting so much light.

Our first born

2008-06-13T16:48:00.002-04:00

Eliott is going to be fine but we found out on Wednesday that he has Lyme disease. It's rampant in our neighborhood and a lot of dogs get it. If you have a dog take precautions! Front line them and make them wear a prescription strength tick collar. Although we did both and he still go it. We caught it early enough that anti-biotics will knock it out and stop any further damage from occurring, thank God. Unfortunately it has already attacked his joints and we found out he had it because he was in so much pain that he couldn't even walk. It turns out that he has a slipped disc. This damage can not be undone. Unfortunately this has probably shaved some years off of poor Eliott's life. He was so sick on Wednesday and Thursday. I was very, very upset. Just seeing him in so much pain, shaking and crying and not able to walk. Today he is much better thanks to pain medication and rest. It's such a relief! When I came home last night he ran to the door and howled. I didn't think I'd ever be happy to hear him howling. What a sweet sound. Hang in there Baby E!

The Job...

2008-06-12T14:36:00.002-04:00

I got it.

Thank you soooo much internet people for your prayers and good wishes. I owe it all to you.

well you and my amazing rack of course.

I'm so excitedandrelievedandhappyandhopeful. There are no words to describe it.

I'm kind of waiting for the anvil to fall out of the sky and hit me on the head.

Maybe it won't?

Boys at the Bar

2008-06-06T14:09:00.002-04:00

This is where Dup takes Davey while I'm at work. It's kind of like a playgroup except that there's only one other baby and it's at a bar.